Thursday, January 29, 2009

Weekly Questions from the Mailbag

I’m not dumb. I just have command of thoroughly useless information.”
Bill Watterson (1958)

A good quote is worth a thousand words. With that…..I answer your weekly mailbag questions:

Q: Have you seen the latest Jessica Simpson pictures?

Denver, CO

DG: Yes, I have seen them. For anyone reading this who doesn’t know the pictures in question, go ahead and google “Jessica Simpson fat pictures” right now. Its ok I’ll wait…waiting…..waiting… waiting...done yet? Good. I’m sure only about 10 Million websites popped up. Apparently, Mrs. Tony Romo has packed on some SIGNIFICANT pounds over the last few months. This was revealed when photos of a recent public appearance earlier in the week-at a chili cook off no less- were posted on the internet.
Originally, I didn’t want to rail against her weight because:
1) She could be pregnant
2) It stinks for a person in the public eye because if you’re committed to a public appearance you have to go no matter what. I mean if it were me and I had put on 30 bad pounds, I wouldn’t want people snapping pictures, putting them on the internet, and then bashing me. Unfortunately, this happens to her because she’s a public figure. I suppose to a certain extent that’s not fair
3) It may be totally out of her control. I’m guessing the weight gain stems from the unavoidable food gorging brought on by a major trauma. In this case: distress over the Cowboys lost season.
4) It is serious bad karma. I feel like if I were to bash her and say something...i dunno like “Sure looks like she ate everything but her Daisy Dukes’!” I'm sure the universe would turn around and hit me back twice as hard. It would probably do something horrible to me like have the Giants inexplicably sign Terrell Owens to replace Plax. Yikes…cold chill just went down my spine.

I still would not have mentioned any of this except, after the pictures surfaced, she made like the President of the United States and issued a public statement. It basically said something to the effect of: “I love my body… I love the way I look”. That’s fine I have no problem with that. However, I’ve noticed more than a few celebrities that have been caught looking a little hefty have issued similar statements…immediatley followed by “make me skinny fast” crash diets probably coupled with diuretics and liposuction. Three weeks later, and 30 pounds lighter, they show up on the cover of some women’s mag wearing novelty fat pants, with the waist pulled all the way out, screaming to the world “How do you like me now!” And yes I’m looking directly at you Jennifer Love Hewitt and Britney Spears. So I’ll be watching this one very closely to see how much Jessica Simpson really “loves the way she looks” heavier and doesn’t go about losing weight fast. Either way I’m hoping the story has a happy ending, and Tony Romo shows up to training camp like 350 pounds. One can only hope.

Daily backhanded Dallas Cowboy bashing….CHECK!

Q: What is the best sandwich place in New York?

-Matt S.
Long Island City, NY

DG: Let me start by saying as a whole New York City has the best deli’s in the world. As long as you stay away from the chain sandwich places like Subway or Quizno’s, and don’t order some sort of weird concoction it’s almost impossible to get a bad hoagie in the city. However, based on my non-expert opinion I would say the award for the best sandwich place in the city goes to..... Katz’s Deli. You might remember it from the scene in When Harry Met Sally where Meg Ryan shows Billy Crystal how she fakes it (classic scene for Meg but doesn’t hardly make up for her unfortunate turn in Top Gun). They have the greatest pastrami sandwiches in the world. How good? I don’t even eat pastrami and had it there and it was the greatest sandwich I’ve ever eaten. Katz’s is located on the corner of Hudson and Ludlow on the Lower East side, and is really the only good reason to go to the Lower East side unless you live there or you’re trying to score some cra-….never mind. Advice if you do go down there: 1) Bring a partner. The sandwiches are ginormous 2) Get a potato knish to go with the pastrami. Without question the greatest use of a potato since the invention of vodka.

Greatest sandwich place you have never heard of: Pane Pepe
This little gem is located on Greenwich Street in Tribeca right across the street from Stuyvesant High School. When I worked in that area, I used to eat there twice a week for lunch. Always the highlight of that given day. They have a stable of killer sandwiches named after parts of the city on their menu. However, if you do happen to go there might I suggest going off the board. Try this: grilled chicken on a long club roll, mozzarella cheese, sun-dried tomatoes, and here’s the coup de ask the guy behind the counter to add a scoop of marinara. Sounds a little whacky, but I guarantee you that sandwich will make you howl like Meg Ryan…. but for real.

Q: What’s your Super Bowl Prediction?

Poughkeepsie, NY

Steelers (-7): Steelers 24 Cardinals 13
This was really a tough game to pick. Last year was much easier because I’m a big Giants fan and they were getting like 11 or 12 points. A truly terrible line. If you look at this year’s match-up on paper, I think a seven point spread is pretty fair. I’d really like to see the Card’s pull an upset, but if I had to put money on it (and I am) I think I’d lean the other way. I think the difference is going to be Arizona’s inability to account for the Steelers free blitzers. The Steelers use a base 3-4 defense, with three down linemen and four linebackers. They occupy blockers with the defensive lineman and attempt to pressure the quarterback largely with linebackers coming off the edge and safety blitzes up the middle. I have to imagine James Harrison, Lamar Woodley, and Polamalu will create a few turnovers. I’m also thinking Warner will turn it over at least twice Therefore, if Big Ben can keep it to one horrible interception he’ll give his team a good chance to win. I think I read a stat somewhere that the team that wins the turnover battle wins like 73% of the games. Based on that, I’m taking the Steelers giving the seven points.

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