Thursday, February 19, 2009


Q: What are you’re thoughts on the woman who had the eight babies?

-Colorado Springs, CO

DG: You mean “Octo-mom”. The more details I hear about this woman the more disturbing this story gets. I’ve seen this woman in interviews, and she clearly has that crazy look in her eyes. Also, I was watching a “legitimate” news program the other day and they flashed a picture of “Octo-mom” eight months pregnant….by FAR the scariest picture I have ever seen in my life. I haven’t slept a full night since then.

I suppose there would be a slim chance this “having eight babies at once” thing might be a cute story if any of the following were true: A) This was even close to a natural occurrence B) She didn’t already have six toddlers all conceived through in-vitro fertilization C) She wasn’t having babies as a “cash business” directly (from government aid) and indirectly (through publicity) D) Her major purchases of last year weren’t a nose job, collagen lip injections, and jet black hair-dye…. all in an effort to transform herself into Angelina Jolie (really not unlike Buffalo Bill trying to transform himself into a woman in Silence of the Lambs) Oh and by the way, if you’re reading this you helped fund her plastic surgery: all paid for with government subsistence aid funded with tax money.

Another important question that needs to be asked: What kind of doctor implants a woman with eight fetuses? Especially in a woman who already has six kids and is clearly mentally unbalanced. This doctor no doubt saw dollar signs when "Octo-mom" walked through his door, and took full advantage of it. I cannot imagine a more clear-cut case of malpractice. I think this guy would make a perfect cellmate for Bernie Madoff.

Another thought: Any chance she at least got a discount for buying in bulk? Come on, in this economy, she would have been crazy to pay the same for fetus #1 as fetus #8. Especially since she had the ultimate ace up her sleeve: she could always have threatened to take her business elsewhere the next time.

Q: What is the dumbest thing you have ever done?

New Jersey

DG: Typical procedure for drinking Tropicana carton orange juice:

1) Shake
2) Peel open at tabs
3) drink

What I did mindlessly while answering the phone and checking emails about a year ago at work (an open trading floor of roughly 500 people):

1) Peel open at tabs
2) Shook vigorously
3) toweled off

Q: What do you think about Obama’s first 30 Days in office?

New York, NY

DG: I think its often tough to grade a President on a small sample size, and it’s really tough to have any sort of perspective this early on. Also, I’m rooting for the guy to succeed because if he doesn’t we all have to deal with the consequences. Having said that, I have a couple of critiques thus far (in no particular order):

1) Appointing Hilary Clinton as Secretary of State: For starters, I wouldn’t appoint a woman with no foreign policy or foreign relations experience to be…basically the United States Ambassador to the world. Moreover, I don’t exactly envision a scenario where the leaders of North Korea and Cuba are sitting across the negotiating tables from Hilary C. quaking in their boo-….wait, did you hear that? I’m pretty sure that far off sound is Vladimir Putin and his top advisors cracking open yet another bottle of vodka in celebration of the Hilary appointment.

I should also admit I find Ms. Clinton a little unsettling on a more superficial level as well. There is something innately disconcerting about a person who has botox strategically injected in her face, in order to form… what can only be described as…. the makings of very primitive smile. I’m willing to guess I’m not alone in this sentiment.

2) Stimulus Package: When the economy eventually rights itself, the main driver will be consumer confidence. Obama’s Economic Stimulus Package was always destined to be a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts. If the public had bought into it, it would serve to boost the economy. If the public rejected it, it would not help (possibly even further stifle) the markets. Even before the bill was signed, polls had shown that it was not well received in the court of public opinion, therefore making it destined to fail. I’m not even a little surprised the market sold-off 300 points when the President put his signature on this bill, and see it doing little good from here on out.

3) Not properly vetting Timothy Geithner: I have no problem targeting this guy to be Secretary of the Treasury. Based on his career accomplishments he would seem to be a good fit for the job. However, with the economy in the proverbial “dumper”, you want to make sure to do your homework and properly vet the guy who is going to be in charge of monetary policy in this country. At the very least to ensure you don’t find yourself in a public relations nightmare. A couple of things I expect in my life: a butcher who isn’t a vegetarian, a garbage man who doesn’t litter, a dentist with a full set of chompers, and a TREASURY SECRETARY WHO PAYS HIS TAXES!

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