Monday, February 9, 2009

Grammy Review

Whoa…did you guys feel that? If at any point today you feel the ground rumble a bit underneath you it’s not an earthquake. No, it’s not the result of tectonic plate movements, but rather aftershocks from Katy Perry’s “bouncy” and…uhh…rousing? (get it?) performance from last nights Grammy Awards. Yeah I admit I watched an embarrassingly large chunk of the show last night, and in no small part because CBS dangled that Katy Perry carrot in front of me. Hell, if I really was a horse I probably would have followed that carrot right into the glue factory.

Some other observations from last night’s show:

- I’m not exactly sure when it happened, maybe he was in the studio, maybe he was on stage performing for Obama, or maybe he was on the pot, but at some point in the last year I think Bono had a moment where he totally bought into the fact that he was the lead singer of the biggest rock band in the world. Kind of a, “Holy crap I’m Bono” moment. It turned U2’s opening number last night into a vanity piece; spirited performance to the celebration of Bono and his “quest” to save the world with his mere presence. What was that song choice? I hate it when a band that has so many tunes people like, sniffs a big worldwide audience and they try to plug their “new stuff”. Not even the Stones would have tried to get away with that. Come on, at least give us a taste of “Beautiful Day”, “City of Blinding Lights”, or even “One Love”. Sounded terrible too. Did they even do a sound check? I could swear they didn’t have the mikes turned all the way up. I’m a big U2 fan too, but I’m sorry but that was a D- performance from a first class rock band.

- Coldplay should not win a Grammy for best rock anything…because they don’t play rock music!

-Stock up: Taylor Swift. I’m not exactly a fan of her music, nor did I even knew she existed three months ago, but when I saw her perform acoustic with her guitar and Miley Cyrus on the Grammy’s, I have to admit she had a pretty good voice. I’m also impressed anytime someone can play an instrument and sing at the same time. She has legit musical talent, whereas I had thought previously she was little more than a media creation. Speaking of media created monster…..

-Stock down: Miley Cyrus. I think it was Abraham Lincoln who said, “’Tis better to be silent and thought be a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.” Let me channel my inner Derek Zoolander when I ask, “Earth to Miley, what were you thinking?” If you’re a girl who is a phenomenally popular cash-cow that can’t really sing a lick, you don’t put yourself on-stage in front of the whole world singing acoustic with anyone who is a real singer (Taylor Swift). The contrast was stark. She was totally exposed. I can see why she is so popular with the Disney crowd…her singing voice actually sounds a lot like Mickey Mouse.

It left me wondering if her Dad wasn’t the achy break-y heart guy (can you believe you live in a world where this actually gets your foot in the door anywhere?), how far she would get on American Idol…and what would Simon say about her? I’m curious what you guys think about this, but I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt and say she’d make it to Hollywood, but never make it to the main TV rounds. Just a guess.

One more Miley thought….what’s the ETA on her Michael Phelps moment? Assuming this is inevitable, how far off is her very own “bong-like” camera phone picture followed by the requisite “I’m sorry if I let down my fans blah blah blah” apology. I’m going to go ahead and set the over/under at six months. Let the wagers begin. I’ll go ahead and take the under.

-Is Neil Diamond cool again? I really hope this is the case because “Sweet Caroline” is one of about five non-Journey songs I know all the words to. I really need it as my go-to song for do or die karaoke situations. And yes…I am embarrassed I just wrote that. Seriously though, I was caught in a spot not too long ago where I was forced to sing “Jackson” at a karaoke bar with my buddy’s gf. I had no idea what any of the words were and was a complete mess. I managed to embarrass not only myself, but her at the same time. Some advice for anyone who is caught in the same predicament: It’s a duet. Do not attempt to sing every word that comes up on the screen. It will keep you from singing this line: “You’re goin’to Jackson, you BIG-TALKIN MAN.”

Back to Neil Diamond for a moment….he was great last night. I believe he has had happen to him what happens to a lot of old stars. They’re huge in their prime, and then as they get older, liking any of their songs gets to be pretty lame. Not quite Wayne Newton lame, but in some cases pretty damn close. And then at some point its like someone sprinkles them with “David Hasselhoff dust”…and POOF…they are so lame, they’re almost cool again. I hope Neil Diamond had his ‘Hoff night last night.

You might be laughing at me, but look at some things that used to be lame and are now cool: computers, comic-book movies, Transformers, just to name a few. Neil Diamond could very well be next….and thus elevating me to karaoke-hero status.

It could happen.

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