Mailbag #3

“I haven't got a brain... only straw…..but some people without brains do an awful lot of talking don't they?”

The Scarecrow (Wizard of Oz)




Q: What should I do about flowers for Valentines Day? Should I do roses? What color/colors?

-Tim
New York City


DG: From where I’m standing (which is as single as they come…by the way that’s also my disclaimer), it’s all about strategy. You first have to ask yourself: how long am I going to be with this girl? If you are thinking less than a year you only have to worry about one Valentines Day, in which case, what does it matter what kind of flowers you get her? Just don’t be a total putz and show up empty handed.

Now on the other hand, if you’re thinking more than a year, you have to prepare a flower strategy for more than one V-Day. Basically, Valentines Day is a practical joke that women have bought into so whole heartedly that it’s become a real thing. Now men have to “play along” with the joke, and flowers are very important in this charade.

The most important thing to remember is, you are going to be graded on a relative scale….with yourself. So don’t be a moron and be the guy blows it out of the water with 500 roses and the singing chocolates (they exist) in year one, because then in year two you’ll have to out-do yourself. If you don’t the little lady is going to be disappointed, and you’ll be in the doghouse. Be smart and leave yourself room to improve.

Let’s assume you are entering your first V-Day. You have to do roses. I would suggest getting maybe a dozen roses. Not so few that she’ll be disappointed, but not so many that you can’t get more next year. As far as color I would go with a three color assortment. Red is basically the “Cadillac” of rose colors, but if you do all twelve red this year, how do you top it next year? You want some red in there, so I would do: four red, four pink, and four white.

There is one caveat to getting the three color assortment. Say, for instance, that your lady friend’s favorite color is yellow. Then you have to get her all yellow roses.

“But DG what do I do if they don’t grow roses in my gf’s fav color?”

If you’re gf’s favorite color is black…dump her right now and change your phone number. What the hell are you doing dating Goth chicks anyways? If it’s a legit color like, say, blue, get white roses and see if you can’t get someone to dye them blue. Is that even possible? I have no clue, how should I know…. but if it is and you get this done….you’ll be like a Valentines Day MVP. I’m thinking that will be worth it come say very early Feb. 15th….if you know what I’m saying.

Q: DG, is it difficult to keep coming up with stuff to write about. I mean is it really hard?

-Will
Washington D.C.

DG: That’s what she said.

Speaking of The Office, is there a more likeable character on television then Pam Beasley? She’s cute, funny, and so cool it makes you believe she’d be almost be as much fun to hang out with as your guy friends. She’s the best thing that team “red head” has had going for it since….i dunno the invention of hair dye? I kid, I kid…(as if any red heads actually read this silly blog anyways)

I’m pretty sure I’d never want to meet the actress who plays Pam (Jenna Fischer) in person. There is that chance she wouldn’t be as cool as the character Pam. That would totally ruin it for me.

I also think they need to have more Creed on the show. I can’t get enough out of that guy, but maybe that’s just me.

Q: You’re extremely good looking and funny. Also, did you happen to read Sports Illustrated this week? I think SI writer Seth Davis might be a “fan” of your blog.

-Anonymous
DG’s New York City apartment

DG: You’re a sharp and talented guy yourself. As a matter of fact I did catch that article.
It’s very curious that four days after I release my Midseason All-American picks that Seth Davis (a highly-paid college basketball “authority”) would release his, and that they would be exactly the same. Same five guys….must be a coincidence right? Couldn’t be that old Seth is “reading” my blog is it.

Actually, I think quite a few guys would have had the same team. However, it is nice confirmation of my ability to analyze basketball, that a guy like that would have the same observations as me. Would be nice to make the “Seth Davis money” though….oh and Seth if you’re reading this call me.