View From the Couch

Brett Favre Remix

2009-05-12T05:59:00.003-05:00

So I keep reading this and that about Captain America Brett Favre throwing passes to high school players and batting his eyelashes and flirting with the Vikings. The whole thing is pretty ridiculous, given the fact that ole' Brett is like 100 years old and has a damaged chicken wing of a throwing arm at this point. I caught myself, however, when I went to call Brett overrated....because I should know better.

This is cheap, but it warrants a mention today.....from the archives:

(Published 2-5-09)

Brett Favre is the most overrated quarterback playing right now. At one point he was a great quarterback, but he’s 13 year’s removed from winning a Super Bowl, 12 years removed from winning an MVP, and about 10 years removed from really giving a s**t. Honestly. I also love how announcers applaud him for his consecutive games streak. Have you seen him play recently? I think I know how he keeps from getting injured. Any time he feels any sort of pass rush he throws one up for grabs. A lame duck high over the middle of the field. Not many wide receivers play a full season with Favre because he gets those guys killed.

The reason I bring this up is, I was driving around listening to some show on WFAN (NY Sports-talk radio) the other day and some loud-mouthed Jets fan called in talking about ole’ Brett. He was screaming about how Favre was a “punk” and the most overrated QB of all time and this and that. They eventually cut him off. I figured the host (also a Jet fan) would correct this dude and reveal the obvious answer to the long-debated: most overrated quarterback of all time. However, the host agreed it was Favre and then went ahead and took a call about Omar Minaya.

If you take away the guarantee, gushing reporters, the pantyhose commercials, the endless line of bimbos, strip off the mink coat, and basically all the glitz, the most overrated QB discussion begins and ends with one name: Joe Namath. I know this is serious taboo to bring it up, but just take a look at the numbers. They’re putrid.

Broadway Joe led the league is passing yards three times (’66,’67,’72) and once led the league in TD passes (’72). However, he led the league in interceptions four times: 1966,1967,1974, 1975 with 27,28,22, and 28 int’s in each of those years respectively. Keep in mind back then they only played 14 regular season games.

The Super Bowl winning year of 1969 was the only year Joe managed to throw more td’s than interceptions in a season (19 TDs vs 17 int’s). Of all of Namath’s bad years, the 1975 season was especially rotten. In only 13 starts, he managed to complete just 48% of his passes, throw 28 interceptions, and be sacked 27 times. If you want to take it even a step further, Namath’s 28 int’s in 326 pass attempts in 1975 amounts to an 8.5% completion percentage…..TO THE OTHER TEAM! The career numbers don’t exactly paint a pretty picture either: 173 TD’s vs. 220 picks and a career completion percentage of 50.1%.

“Yeah but ‘dem numbuhs’ don’t mean nuthin’. Namath was a winna!”

Not exactly. His career record as a starter: 63-63-4.

Based on the fact that Joe Willie was a first ballot Hall of Famer and lauded as one of the all-time greats, despite a mediocre win/loss record and putrid numbers, my list of most overrated QB’s of all-time looks like this:

1) Joe Namath
2) (vacated)
3) Brett Favre
4) everyone else

Namath is by such an overwhelming margin the most overrated QB of all time, that I’ve been forced to vacate the #2 most overrated position. So when Vinny from Flushing calls up the FAN and tells Mike Francesa that “Favre is a bum. He ain’t no Joe Namath or nuthin’.” He’s right on both counts.

Rain Delay Ponderings

2009-05-05T21:17:00.001-05:00

So I’m sitting on my couch last night, waiting out the Yanks rain delay, mentally preparing for Phil Hughes to lay an egg against the Sox… when I got to thinking: Rain delays will not be a good thing for the Yanks this year. Gives fans like me too much time to think.

Couple of thoughts that went thru my head during this particular rain delay:

-I would much rather have the Red Sox team than the Yanks. This is completely blasphemous for a life long Yankee fan to say, quite frankly I feel a little queasy because of it, but I completely mean it 100%. Why wouldn’t I?

The Red Sox have a stable of young arms raised at home in their own farm system, an above average bullpen and defense, and a lineup that even Mr. Moneyball Billy Beane could be proud of. Other than David Ortiz and occasionally J.D. Drew, they have a lineup of guys with high on base-percentages who do not strike out.

This enables them to manufacture runs when they happen not to be hitting it out of the ballpark. Along those lines, are there two tougher outs in the entire major leagues than Dustin Pedroia and Kevin Youkilis? Pretty sure Pedroia had 73 extra base hits and only 52 strike outs last year. Amazing.

Also, and I think I would rather have hernia surgery without anesthesia than admit this, but I think you have to credit that obnoxious little punk Theo Epstein for putting this team together and for killing it in the draft since he arrived in 2002.

The thing that pains me the most about the Red Sox roster being so perfectly built, is the fact that this USED TO BE THE YANKEES. It has been a total role reversal from the late 90’s and early this century, when the Yankees were winning World Championships. The Yanks were the team with the homegrown young roster, made opposing pitchers work, got on base at a high percentage, and won games in October. And the Red Sox? They were a joke, and the Yanks ate them for lunch on a regular basis. And now? Just the opposite is true. Pains me to no end.

My question…when exactly did the Yankees decide that formula that won those World Series titles was broken? Why did they start paying a king’s ransom for every aging, past ripe, free agent on the market?

Along those same lines….

-The spending this off-season has totally made me sick. The Yankees have definitely spent more than a few off-season dollars in the last five or six years, but this year was a little bit different. With an economy in turmoil and unemployment raising, the Yankees went ahead and spent $161 Million on C.C Sabathia, $180 million on Mark Teixeira, and $82.5 on A.J. Burnett. Good players all (except Burnett…or as I like to call him Carl Pavano with nipple rings), but definitely not such sure things that I would have spent that sort of money on them. Hell, even if those names happened to be Whitey Ford, Joe DiMaggio, and Ron Guidry, that sort of overspending still probably would not be justified.

I understand there is no salary cap in baseball, and the Yankees earn at a far different level than other small market teams like Pittsburgh and Kansas City, but this type of gluttonous spending in such a poor economy just doesn’t sit right with me.

-Joe Girardi needs to wake up. Other teams know Joba is on a fairly strict pitch count. Don’t you notice them taking a lot of pitches on him? They know if they do they will get into your crappy bullpen by like the 4th or 5th inning at the latest. I personally would like to see him groomed as Mariano’s heir apparent, but if you are going to start him, you have to take the reins off.

- Is it too late to go back to the old ballpark? I mean, the thing is still up right? Why don’t we just scrap this new guy and just start playing games in the old park again. You know the one the Yankees won 26 World Championships in, that used to have those great crowd roars, and used to never have any empty seats. Yeah that one.

I was against building the new Yankee Stadium from the beginning. The old stadium was more than alright. It was the one I grew up watching games in, and one of the most revered venues in all of sports. Also, that one wasn’t going to cost $1.3 Billion to put up, and cost NYC taxpayers a few hundred million dollars in the process (pretty sure George Steinbrenner is the reason my monthly subway pass is about to cost $110 bucks….nice).

I have heard the counterarguments, about how you need luxury boxes and first rate accommodations. I’ve also heard people rave about how nice the new stadium is (especially the bathrooms for some reason).

To me this is akin to someone talking about how their brand new $300K Mercedes “rides really smooth”. Guess what…for 300K a car BETTER ride like its floating on marshmallows…..and for $1.3 Billion I SHOULD have a comfy seat and not have to stand in urine.

One more point. Curses and superstition don’t exist in real life, but they do exist in baseball (ex. “Curse of the Bambino” and the Ron Santo black cat).

So what kind of negative karma do you think will be associated with tearing down “The House that Ruth Built” for the grand purpose of making a couple of extra bucks on seat licensing fees?

I shiver at the thought.

- Silver lining. This could very well end up being another lost season for the Yanks. One sliver of sunshine showing through the dark clouds? If the Yankees end up missing the playoffs and firing Joe Girardi, it could very well signal the return of one Donald Arthur Mattingly. Yup….Donnie Baseball.

Pacquaio - Hatton fight reaction : And The Band (DID NOT) Play On…..

2009-05-04T22:08:00.004-05:00

Link to Diamond Boxing : http://www.diamondboxing.com/newsstory.php?list=7295

Manny vs. Hatton: Diamond Boxing Staff Writer Predictions

2009-05-02T09:04:00.004-05:00

They really need to lower the cost of pay-per-view fights. It costs bars too much to put it on (they have to pay per head), and how many people do you know that are going to be willing to plop down 55 bucks tonight to watch this fight? I'm thinking not too many. It's a shame because this has "fight of the year" type potential. Click on the link below for Diamond Boxing staff predictions.

http://www.diamondboxing.com/newsstory.php?list=7109

P.S. Mine is about a third of the way down, and I took Pacquiao by a 8th or 9th round stoppage.

Last I am going write about the draft I promise….

2009-04-27T23:10:00.000-05:00

I am a self-admitted NFL Draft geek, and I may have gone a little overboard on the draft this year, but then again so did ESPN and Sports Illustrated as well. So I don’t feel too bad. It’s really the trend in recent years. More and more people are following the NFL off-season, so much so that when they actually start the games it’s a bit of an anti-climax.

That being said, I PROMISE this is the last I will mention the NFL draft until after the Super Bowl next year, but I would be remise if I did not add a few notes on the local teams and by far my favorite team to watch draft every year.

- The Giants get an A+ is my book. I saw that USA Today agrees with me, Peter King and Mel Kiper do not, but I believe the Giants had the best draft out of any team in the league this year. And maybe the second best draft I’ve seen in the last five or six years (Kansas City last year was best draft I have ever seen).

Let me first say that I graded the G-Men strictly on players drafted, and not on other moves unmade. I know many would criticize them for not making a trade for either Braylon Edwards or Anquan Boldin, while seemingly being a WR away from another Super Bowl run.

These people are not wrong. I wanted the Braylon Edwards deal to go down very badly myself(which it might still), but the A+ grade I give the Giants is based on the value for the selections they DID actually make.

I love Hakeem Nicks with the first round pick. In my draft, I thought he would be gone by the time the Giants picked, although I didn’t foresee Darius Heyward-Bey going so early (more on that later). I did disagree, however, with the ESPN draft “gurus” referring to him as a “big receiver”. Nicks is just under 6’1” and about 215 pounds. He projects more to fill the WR spot vacated by the departure of Amani Toomer. Ramses Barden, on the other hand, the 6’6” receiver from Cal Poly the G-Men got in round three is the one they hope to fill the void left by Plax. At the very least I think he has a chance to be a red zone threat much like Vincent Jackson in San Diego.

The advantage of being a good team is that you don’t have many needs to fill, therefore you can draft luxuries and draft for value. The Giants got great value in Virginia OLB Clint Sintim in the second round (a player who they almost looked to take with their first round pick). They also selected OL William Beatty from UConn later in that round, a player many thought was the best pass protector in the whole draft. I think he eventually replaces David Diehl at LT.

In the third round the Giants were able to land Travis Beckum a tight end from Wisconsin who actually was more productive in college than Jets first round pick of a year ago Dustin Keller. Beckum projects to be a similar sort of “stretch the field tight end” and possible red zone threat.

Mark my words on this one folks: Giant fans will LOVE Andre Brown. I watched a ton of ACC football over the past four years, and watched this man-child (6 feet 225 pounds) run behind a Swiss-cheese offensive line at NC State and still pick up major chunks of yards. Had he played on a good team he would have been a first round pick. He also catches the ball well out of the backfield, and will be the answer to losing Derrick Ward in free agency.

Terrific draft by a somewhat underrated front office. Good drafting pays dividends down the line. Kudos to GM Jerry Reese.

- The Jets get an incomplete grade as far as I’m concerned. I like the move to make a splash and get Mark Sanchez, but the Jets had many needs to fill in this draft and ended up with only 3 picks with which to do so.

To me moving up to take Sanchez was a much better move than staying put at the 17th pick and drafting the potentially comBUSTable (get it) Josh Freeman, even though they may have overpaid for the price to move up (1st round pick, 2nd round pick, Bret Ratliff, and Abram Elam).

If he is given the opportunity to get into camp early, play some in the preseason, and get at least some platoon duty this year, Sanchez has a good chance to be a ten year starter in NY and be the face of the franchise going forward. In fact, I would say he has just as good a chance, if not better, to succeed at the NFL level as Matthew Stafford.

That being said, the Jets had a some glaring needs in this draft that needed to be filled and were not. I understand Gang Gren had only two selections left after the Sanchez deal, but they very easily could have traded out of the first pick of the third round to accumulate more picks later in the draft to fill those holes. They could also have traded a player for picks as well. What I WOULD NOT have done was draft Shonn Greene, the running back out of Iowa with that pick.

I understand it was a good value selection…but a running back? Come on. The Jets two most solid positions coming into this draft were at Safety (Rhodes, Jim Leonhard, and Elam) and running back (the two-headed monster of Thomas Jones and Leon Washington…plus throw in the hammer with Jehuu Caulcrick). They HAD to get a wide receiver. Had to.

They needed someone play the wide receiver spot opposite Jericho Cotchery, who now with…Brad Smith or David Clowney on the other side…will have to deal with a double team AND extra safety help over the top on every play this season. Derrick Williams, Patrick Turner, Deon Butler, Ramses Bardenm, Juaquin Iglesias all went later in round three and would have been good pick-ups for the Jets at WR.

Sanchez better hope by the time he gets the starting nod that he is so good it doesn’t matter what guys he is throwing to.

-If the Raiders were country they would be Cuba. Honestly, at this point just like Cuba, Oakland will be an inhabitable, stable, and largely redeemable destination once its dictator ruler passes on. Sorry Al Davis…but YOU ARE Castro.

(I beg you…if you ever do anything for yourself your whole life, do yourself a favor and click on the Al Davis link above. I’m not one for hyperbole, but it very well could be the single greatest picture in the history of the still photo. Seriously, have Al Davis and the Crypt keeper ever been spotted in the same place at the same time before?)

I predicted back in mid-February (and in each successive mock draft since) that the Raiders would make an off the wall pick, and largely blow their first round selection. Picking a wide receiver with great timed speed (4.28 forty), but questionable hands and production at the college level (Darius Heyward-Bey) twenty spots too early, and ahead of Michael Crabtree does indeed qualify as “blowing the pick” …but it pales in comparison with their second round selection.

The single worst value selection in modern NFL Draft history (since the same Raiders took kicker Sebastian Janikowski in the first round in 2000) was made by the Raiders in round 2. They chose Safety Michael Mitchell out of the University of Ohio with the 47th overall selection.

This is a player that noted draft guru Mel Kiper had rated #71 overall……AMONG SAFETIES! The 71st rated safety!

To put the atrociousness of this pick even more into perspective, Mitchell had not been invited to NFL Scouting Combine, not invited to any All-Star games, and did not make the first, second, third team or honorable mention from the MAAC Conference. ESPN did/could not even prepare any tape or even a picture of him to be used during its draft broadcast. Sports Illustrated also was not able to locate a picture of him (even a day after the draft) and did not even bother to provide a draft grade on him beforehand.

Later interviews would reveal that only one other team (the Chicago Bears) even had this player on their draft boards, and had him graded as a potential 7th round pick.

Once again another smart draft by the Raiders….little wonder they call this place the “Black Hole”.

By the way, we are only 363 days until the next NFL Draft.

Ok seriously…I’ll stop talking draft nonsense…starting….starting…..starting……

FINAL NFL MOCK DRAFT

2009-04-24T22:41:00.001-05:00

There have been a number of trades (Cutler to Chicago, Jason Peters to the Eagles for one of their first round picks) that have affected the way some teams will draft in the first round.

This is my third and final attempt at a Mock Draft…quite frankly, I was embarrassed enough to know so much about a bunch of college kids and the NFL draft to do one First Round Mock Draft….that you can imagine how embarrassed I am to have now come up with THREE…THREE distinct mock drafts.

God, what am I doing with my time…I think I need a lady…oh yeah here’s the way the first round will probably go…..

MOCK DRAFT

1) DETROIT LIONS: Matthew Stafford (QB, Georgia) – The Lions really should do all they can to trade out of this pick. 1) Because they don’t want to pay a QB that will have to sit next year the kind of money that a #1 overall pick will command…especially a #1 pick that is a QB 2) They were 0-16 last year and really need to accumulate as many picks and quality players as they can.

Having said that, I think taking either Stafford or Jason Smith is a good pick here so long as they can get the player signed before the draft to avoid any holdout drama.

2) St. LOUIS RAMS: Jason Smith (T, Baylor)- Perfect marriage of need and value. The best tackle prospect in the draft is taken by a team looking to replace a potential Hall of Fame LT in Orlando Pace. I think this guy is going to be a stud

3) KANSAS CITY CHIEFS: Aaron Curry (LB, Wake Forest)- My opinion is that new Chiefs GM Scott Pioli will want to trade out of this pick. He did this every other year with the Pats, and I think he will have lots of suitors. My best guess would be the Redskins would at least entertain the idea of trading up (ahead of the Seahawks) to snatch up QB Mark Sanchez.

However, if the Chiefs do pick at #3, their biggest need is a linebacker to play the inside, and no player in this draft will do that better than Aaron Curry.

4)SEATTLE SEAHAWKS: Mark Sanchez (QB, USC)- Big change from my last mock draft. I have bought into the pre-draft hype. I fully believe the Seahawks are looking for a player to take the reins from Matt Hasselbeck in two years. They will draft Sanchez and essentially “redshirt” him by having him sit and hold the clipboard for one season.

5) CLEVLAND BROWNS: Brian Orakpo (DE, Texas)- Will most likely take the “Workout Warrior” Orakpo, unless they deal Braylon Edwards to the Giants before or during draft day. In that case, I believe that they would take Michael Crabtree.

6) CINCINNATI BENGALS: Eugene Monroe (LT, Virginia)- Bengals need offensive line help and Monroe is the second best tackle in this whole draft.

7)OAKLAND RAIDERS: Michael Crabtree (WR, Texas Tech)- I’ve seen this guy all over the TV the last few days. He has not played an NFL down or made a paycheck yet, but he is already sporting a gaudy watch, huge diamond earrings, and is speaking exclusively in the third person. Sounds like your next great diva WR….and most definitely a perfect Raider.

8) JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS: - Andre Smith (T, Alabama) Will very likely trade out of this pick on draft day, and I would have had them taking a WR had they not just signed Torry Holt this week. If they were to get Smith, I think they would be getting a steal. This is a guy with top 3 sort of talent, who dropped because of major character concerns.

Smith cost himself possibly the Numer 1 overall selection (and somewhere between 10-20 Million bucks) by going AWOL at the NFL Combine and then showing up out of shape to his workout (understatement!!), but may redeem himself some by still going in the top 10 here to the Jaguars.

9)GREEN BAY PACKERS: B.J. Raji (DT, Boston College)- They could really use a CB, but this guy is too good to pass on at this pick. Best interior lineman in this draft.

10) SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS: Michael Oher (T, Ole Miss) They really would have loved to see Mark Sanchez fall to them here, and with Raji also off the board, they will look to fill a hole on the offensive line.

11) BUFFALO BILLS: - Brandon Pettigrew (TE, Oklahoma State) After trading Jason Peters to the Eagles the Bills have three glaring holes to fill: DE, TE, and LT. With their first of two first round selections I think they go with the most complete tight end in this draft. Also I would not be surprised if they went with a DE here, possibly Everette Brown from FSU.

12) DENVER BRONCOS: Tyson Jackson (DE, LSU) – Are likely to take Jackson if he lasts this long. If not look for them to take an outside ‘backer. Perhaps Brian Cushing.

13) WASHINGTON REDSKINS: Aaron Maybin (DE, Penn State)- If they do not trade up to get Mark Sanchez they will want a pass rushing DE. Maybin is undersized and might just be a situational pass rusher early in his career.

14) NEW ORLEANS SAINTS: Beanie Wells (RB, Ohio State)- I don’t like this pick at all, but I believe the Saints are targeting Wells. I would much rather see them address defensive need (CB,DT, or LB) since they already are pretty set at RB with Reggie Bush and Pierre Thomas.

15) HOUSTON TEXANS: Everette Brown (DE, FSU)- In my opinion Brown will be the best DE in this year’s draft class. He’ll also have the best opportunity to succeed in year one with Mario Williams on the other side drawing double teams.

16) SAN DIEGO CHARGERS: Brian Cushing (LB, USC)- I believe they will take either Cushing or Rey Maualuga.

17) NEW YORK JETS: Josh Freeman (QB, Kansas State)- This is NOT a good pick, but the Jets seem to have become enamored with the 6’6” signal caller from the K-State recently.

In my opinion, Freeman is a thrower more than a passer, and is not anywhere near accurate enough to be a solid NFL QB down the line. They would be lucky if another team like the Bucs traded up to get Freeman as to block them from screwing up this pick. I would much rather see them take a WR to fill the hole left by the departure of Coles. Percy Harvin would be a perfect pick for them.

18) DENVER BRONCOS: Clay Matthew (LB, USC) – This is the pick they acquired from the Bears by way of the Jay Cutler trade. Matthews is a cerebral, high effort sort of player that could play outside linebacker/ situational pass rusher in Denver.

19) TAMPA BAY BUCS: Darius Heyward-Bey (WR, Maryland)- Run on wideouts begins here. The best vertical threat in this draft.

20) DETROIT LIONS: Malcolm Jenkins (CB/S, Ohio State)- DB is a good selection for the Lions with their second first round pick. I would have taken Vontae Davis from Illinois, but I think they would more likely go with Jenkins and play him at both CB and S.

21) PHILADELPHIA EAGLES: Knowshown Moreno (RB, Georgia)- A better fit would be Beanie Wells, as a bruising compliment to Brian Westbrook’s elusiveness, but since he is off the board in this draft they go with Moreno..

22) MINNESOTA VIKINGS: Jeremy Maclin (WR, Missouri)- A best player available sort of pick. I would be a little surprised to still see him on the board at pick #22. Could also take a CB..again maybe Vontae Davis.

23) NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS: Darius Butler (CB, UCONN)- Most likely will not select here. They will either move up or move down. If they do happen to select here, Butler is most NFL ready CB left.

24) ATLANTA FALCONS: Peria Jerry (DT, Ole Miss)- Had Jerry here before and still like the Falcons to select him at pick #24. Very important for a young team to get a good interior defensive lineman.

25) MIAMI DOLPHINS: - Robert Ayers (DE, Tennessee)- A lot of people expect the Fins to go with a WR with this pick, but I think it would be very “Un-Parcells” to take a WR in the first round (Keyshawn notwithstanding).

26) BALTIMORE RAVENS: Vontae Davis (CB, Illinois) – They cut Chris McCalister earlier this year and lost Jim Leonhard and Bart Scott in free agency. Will pick a defensive player with this pick. Davis has the best raw skills and possess the best upside of all the defensive backs in the whole draft.

27) INDIANAPOLIS COLTS: Hakeem Nicks (WR, North Carolina)- Polished receiver to help fill the Marvin Harrison void. Could also pick a DT. Would take Peria Jerry if he fell this far. Would have taken Percy Harvin if he had not failed the Combine drug test for marijuana. Genius.

28) Buffalo Bills: Eben Britton (T, Arizona)- The Bills fill another big need with this pick acquired from the Eagles as part of the Jason Peters deal. They hope the Vikes don’t take this guy at #22.

29) NEW YORK GIANTS: Percy Harvin (WR, Florida)- I would LOVE to see the G-Men make a deal with the Browns to get Braylon Edwards. I’ve have heard Cleveland wants Kiawanuka and a mid-round pick, something I would do in a second. Jerry Reese said Kiwi is off the board, but hopefully he caves on that. I’m not a big Kiwi fan.

If the Giants don’t get a deal done I think they take Snoop Do-….I mean Percy Harvin. If they do get the deal done I say the Giants take Clint Sintim for UVa.

30) TENNESSEE TITANS: Kenny Britt (WR, Rutgers)- Very much a reach to go in the first round but the Titans desperately need a WR (seems like this is the case every year). For the record, I’m not a big Britt fan. Diva attitude seems to be simmering just under the surface. You just wait until that first round bonus check clears…you’ll see.

31) ARIZONA CARDINALS: Donald Brown (RB, UCONN)- Best running back left in the draft, and a major need with Edge having nothing left in the tank.

32) PITTSBURGH STEELERS: Duke Robinson (G, Oklahoma)- If the Steelers don’t get some offensive line help, Big Ben is going to have a very short career. A lot of the sacks that he took came up the middle, so taking the top guard in the draft makes a lot of sense from where I’m sitting (eh hem…..my couch).Phil Loadholt is another thought. He would probably play RT. Center from Oregon Max Unger might also be a smart pick as well.

The NBA…and may we never speak of it again

2009-04-21T22:47:00.001-05:00

The last time I was a true fan of the NBA regular season was around 1995, back when my hometown New York Knicks were the toughest ticket in town and about the time O.J was looking for the keys to his White Ford Bronco.

I can think of a few reasons I don’t always pay attention to the NBA anymore: the players are allowed to take 5 steps on the way to the rim…the season is so long the players loaf the first 60 games…we found out all the refs were probably crooked…. and the Knicks have been an embarrassing laughing stock the last ten years or so. That’s actually the main reason for me.

Sure the Knickerbockers had the one NBA finals appearance against the Spurs in the lockout year, but they were also like $60 Million over the cap under Kamikaze Isiah and all of these “players” have worn Knicks jerseys at one point or another: Vin Baker, Jerome James, Jackie Butler, 700 pound Mike Sweetney, Dan Dickau, Zach Randolph, Eddy Curry, Penny Hardaway (old Penny…not Shaq Penny), and a man who at this point should just go by one name: Stephon.

Ok…just let that wash over you for a minute.

The Knick-bashing article will have to go on ice for a while. In the meantime, a few thoughts on the NBA right now:

-Lebron James is just the big kid on the play ground. I’m sitting here watching the Cavs/Pistons game, and I am total in awe of Lebron’s size.

He has the body of a power forward basically playing point guard at times. He is listed at 6’8” and I dunno…maybe 265 pounds! To put that in perspective he’s 2 inches taller and about 70 pounds heavier than Michael Jordan at his peak. I’m actually afraid he might hurt one of the other players when he goes to the rim. The last time I felt this was when I was watching Mike Tyson in the late 80’s, actually afraid he was going to kill the guys he was fighting.

Put together his skill set (shooting, passing, dribbling) and physicality, and basically he is John Stockton with a Karl Malone body…only he is a superior athlete with a 38 inch vertical.

The guy is truly a freak of nature.

-The only series I have any interest in watching is a Cavs/Lakers final. I’ve just been informed that the playoffs will actually be going on until June, so I need not pay attention to any games or any highlights until after Memorial Day. Which is really fine by me anyways….since I’m only an occasional fan and really only care about star power.

I’m only interested in watching a Kobe vs. Lebron final. This matchup would give the NBA mustard enough to lore in the fringe fan (like myself) and ratings would be off the charts. This means big $ for David Stern and the NBA brass. So don’t be surprised when the Cavs and Lakers are getting LOTS of favorable calls in their respective Conference Finals.

Yea that’s right….I didn’t forget about the Tim Donaghy’s of the NBA just yet.

-Ok, I said I wouldn’t talk about the Knicks anymore but…. My friend Derek is a huge NBA fan, and the other day I’m on the phone with him shooting the bull about off-season moves the Knicks can make. Basically free agency, trades, drafts…things of that nature.

Free agency at this point had GOT to be about the push for Lebron in 2010. Along those lines I’d like to see David Lee stick around, and I’d like to see that umpa lumpa Nate Robinson walk.

Lee is an above average garbage guy, good fit for the D’Antoni system, and perfect Lebron compliment. Lee rebounds on both ends and get his points via boards and put-backs. Therefore he doesn’t command lots of touches nor need any offense run through him. This makes him the perfect 4 to Lebron’s 3.

David Lee also fits in as a D’Antoni guy in that he gets up and down the floor and plays exactly zero defense.

Don’t laugh…it seems like a pre-requiste in D’Antoni’s system. It’s almost like he sits the guys down during the first practice and says, “I don’t care who you are. If I see you trying to play any semblance of defense…even putting your hands up on d once…just once….I’m going to fine your ass every which way….You got me? We are going to score 100 points a game, even if we have to give up 200 just to get there!”

Along the same lines, the Knicks need to get rid of ole Nate Robinson.

Yeah I know…the little bugger is entertaining, and has actually put up some fairly gaudy stats this season…but as far as winning and losing he hurts the team more than helps. First off, although he has other worldly athleticism, the dude is still just 5’8’’. He is not a great ball handler and cannot run an offense, so essentially he is a 2 guard stuck inside the body of a JV point guard. A 2 guard in fact, who shoots a low percentage and commands a high volume of your team’s shots. Not exactly the type of guy Lebron is going to be dying to play with in two years.

Also, because of his size Nate is more likely to give up 30 points then score 20 of his own. Sorry Nate, love the dunks…but you gotta go.

As far as the NBA Draft, assuming the Knicks end up picking in the mid to late lottery, there is not a chance in hell they get any of the three game-changers in this year’s draft class: Blake Griffin, Hasheem Thabeet, or Spanish sensation (and potential All-Name Team member) Ricky Rubio.

Therefore, the Knicks will be looking to draft cogs that will fit the system they play. They would also love to find something to fill these needs: up-tempo “set the table”- type of point guard, scoring and rebounding big man, complimentary two guard, someone to keep Eddy Curry away from all-you-can-eat buffets.

Ok…you got me the last one was a trick. I don’t think there is a person alive who can keep EC away from the buffets.

People will be clamoring for Steph Curry or Ty Lawson come draft day. I believe they will be there when the Knicks pick, but I think they would be better served going for a less sexy pick. A player many of you may have never heard of: Eric Maynor from VCU. A very tough kid with good size at the PG spot (6’3”). He is more of a distributor who will run the team than a scoring guard. He may get booed on draft day if he gets picked by the Knicks, but I think he projects to be a better pro than Lawson, Curry, or even Johnny Flynn from Syracuse.

Another guy I like a lot is Sam Young out of Pitt. Guy was an underrated stud in college, and comes in as a full grown man at 6’6” and 220 pounds. A good athlete who is NBA ready.

At the very least I’d like to see them not screw the pick up. After 10 years of futility I’ve set the bar awfully low.

Masters Recap

2009-04-13T22:58:00.002-05:00

For anyone who watched the Master finish up late yesterday afternoon, that was evidence of a point I have been making for a long time: golf, in competition, is the hardest game there is between the ears.

When you get up against it with two holes to play, like Kenny Perry was yesterday, there are no timeouts, no running out the clock, no teammates to pass the ball to, and no Mariano coming in out of the bullpen to bail you out.

It’s all you. You are out on an island…totally exposed. If you pull it off you get all the credit in the world. However, if you’re choking your guts out (as Kenny clearly was), there is no where to hide. Pretty humbling stuff.

I feel for the guy, but it makes you really appreciate how great a closer Tiger Woods is. I think he is something like 12 for 12 in majors with the lead on the final day. As many things that can go wrong on a golf course on a Sunday afternoon, for him never to have been caught by another player or leak back to the field by his own hand is ungodly. People really don’t appreciate how hard that is to do. To me that is more impressive stat in all of sports.

A few other thoughts from yesterday:

-I applaud the decision by CBS to show as much Phil and Tiger as they could, even though it meant that many of the shots of the leaders were shown on tape.

Phil and Tiger flat out turn the dial. They are the two best players in the world, and they absolutely hate each other. Nothing juicier than that.

I’m not kidding when I say I was even a little disappointed when CBS would cut away from Phil and Tiger to show other players hitting shots. I would have been more interested to see Phil and Tiger walk down the fairway. Do they chit-chat? Do they acknowledge each other? Who walks ahead?

Maybe I’m going a little bit too far, but it certainly is high drama when those two get paired together in a major. I just can’t wait for the day when the two of them separate from the field and can go one-on-one on Sunday at a major. That will be for the ages.

- Did anyone notice that Phil was BOMBING it past Tiger? Some holes Phil was 20-30 yards past him. I’m sure Tiger noticed. I’m willing to bet he has the guys at Nike build him a driver that goes 400 yards by the US Open….or he starts hanging out with Arod’s cousin….

- Was Steve Williams commando underneath the white jumpsuit? This is a serious question folks.

The Masters is the only tournament all year where they require the caddies to wear the white jumpsuits. I can imagine they could get a little toasty underneath there, but I’m not sure I’d pull a Stevy.

Steve Williams, who is Tiger Wood’s caddy, was rocking the jumpsuit zipped almost all the way down with no undershirt, exposing an Austin Powers/ Tom Selleck Magnum P.I. level chest hair situation. I’m speculating that he may have been going full on commando. At the very least, I wouldn’t put it past him.

Not the only wardrobe malfunction in his paring however….

- Dear Phil Mickelson,

I have read that you have been trying to back in shape the last few years in order to extend your career. I applaud your efforts in this endeavor. However, I cannot say the same about your choice of shirt size. If you’ll indulge me…

A few years ago you seem to have been stricken with a disease a number of middle-aged men seem to contract. For purposes of this exercise lets call this disease: “Man-boob-it is”. You were undoubtedly a little uncomfortable with it….we at home were MORE than a little uncomfortable watching it.

Last two years, you seem to have lost a few pounds….potentially reducing effects of “Man-boob-it is”, yet you then decided you were in such good shape you would start wearing infant-sized shirts.

Bottom line: we can see your nipples. And high definition TV is not doing you any favors either.

The way I see it you have two options: 1) Get yourself some bigger shirts or 2) Now, I’m not sure exactly what they are called in some circles, but I think I’ve heard them referred to before as….pasties?

Either way I think you need to look into this. If not I don’t think I’ll be able to watch golf on television with my grandma anymore when you’re on. The whole day yesterday we had to lie to the poor woman and tell her it was just very cold in Georgia.

Fond wishes and kind regards,
Good Taste and Common Decency

Good Cause Please check it out

2009-04-06T21:15:00.000-05:00

http://avonwalk.org/goto/LindsayRobinson

Can you believe this question came from a girl?

2009-04-05T22:28:00.000-05:00

Q: Which athletes, in which sport, would you consider to be the most 'athletic'? (Now, its important that you define 'athlete'). Kevin Thomas and I had a little debate over this. But, we agreed that an 'athlete' is an individual of extreme talent that can participate and dominate more then one sport. For instance, and I don't know why Chris Duhon keeps popping into my head...(I am about 80% sure he played both basketball & football at Duke). If you think about it, so many kids aspire to play collegiate athletics. It takes a different kind of person to play a Division 1 sport. Coming from experience, and playing Division 1 soccer, I understand that not every kid out there has what it takes. But for someone to be a dual Division 1, ACC (one, if not the best conference in both football and basketball), athlete, that is just mind blowing. I know the time you have to put into one sport, I can’t imagine having to do so with two sports. Anyways, I kind of got a little off-topic there, but back to my underlying question. Athletes in what sport, would you consider to be the most athletic?

Interested in your thoughts...

P.S. (***Name of Erin’s bf censored***) and I watched Marley & Me. AND he cried ;)

-Erin
-New York, NY

DG: First off I’m pretty sure the Duke Athlete your thinking of is Reggie Love and not Chris Duhon. Reggie Love played mediocre power forward for Coach K and was an -above average wide receiver on the Duke football team from 2001-2005. By the way, this is the same Reggie Love who is now part of President Obama’s White House Staff. Think of him as the Secretary of Pick-up Basketball.

As far as the rest of your question, it was pretty complete, so I’d like to tackle it in parts:

1) I agree that if I was going to build a list of the greatest athletes of all-time, it would be peppered with multi-sport athletes. This is probably a full article for another time, but just off of the top of my head I think I’d have to include names like Bo Jackson, Deion Sanders, Jim Thorpe, Jim Brown, and Dave Winfield.

You might be thinking…Dave Winfield…Mr. May? Yes, Dave Winfield. He was drafted by 4 professional teams in three sports coming out of the University of Minnesota. In fact, he was taken in the 17th round of the NFL Draft by the Minnesota Vikings after not even having played football at all for the Golden Gophers!

Another name that doesn’t ever come up often in Greatest Athlete conversations….Wilt Chamberlain. Wilt the Stilt was a freak of nature on the basketball court, but few people talk about the fact that he was a near Olympic Level Track athlete. At Kansas University, he was a three-time Big Eight high jump champ, who in competition once threw a shot-put 56 feet and recorded 100M dash time of 10.9 seconds…..at 7’1” and 250 pounds!

In my opinion, these names are also-rans to Jackie Robinson for Greatest Athlete of all-time. We all know about Robinson’s Hall of Fame baseball career and the overall social impact he had on professional sports, but did you know he lettered it three other sports at UCLA.

He was the best collegiate baseball player in the country, an All-Pac-10 level track athlete, played running back on the football team, and twice led the Pac-10 in scoring as part of UCLA’s basketball team. Oh and by the way, in 1936 Jackie Robinson won the Pacific Coast Junior Singles Championship as a tennis player.

2) I believe the most athletic individuals in all of sports play the CORNERBACK position on a football team.

If the requirements for playing CB were listed on a job posting it might look something like this:

Job Title: Cornerback
Description: Covering elite level Wide Receivers
Special Skills Required: Your job is to line-up one-on-one against a guy that has sprinter level speed. You have to cover him over an expansive field that measures 100 yards long and 50 yards wide. He’ll be running forward to a spot on the field that he knows. You’ll largely be running backwards and have no idea where is going. If you do get beat and your man gets open, you’ll be required to either a) out jump and swat the ball away from his grasp b) wrestle him to the ground after he catches it. I may have failed to mention that this man you’ll be required to out jump and/or tackle will on average be three inches taller and 20-30 pounds heavier than yourself. Oh and by the way, if you so much as breathe on your man while the ball is in the air you will find yourself buried in yellow flags up to your eyeballs.

3) You’re boyfriend did what? Ok….I haven’t seen Marley and Me (and don’t plan on it in this lifetime), but can’t imagine crying over this film gets your boyfriend any macho points (maybe he gets “macho” points in the Tom Cruise definition of the word)

In fact let me go a step further: I’m taking it upon myself to temporarily suspend his “man” card. If it can be confirmed he did in fact cry at a bad Jennifer Aniston flick, then I believe that would be grounds for permanent revocation.

There is a list of acceptable “man” cry moments in movies. But the list is short and very specific:

1) Rudy (when Sean Astin runs onto the field with people chanting “Rudy”)
2) Brian's Song (when Billy Dee William’s gives the I love Brian Piccolo speech)
3) Field of Dreams (when Costner says "Hey dad, do you want to have a catch?"
4) Rocky V (at any point between the opening sequence to the end credits…as if there is anyone who has ever watched it through that far)
5) *the most recent Indiana Jones movie…..the film that shall not be named (when the alien spaceship emerges from the earth and flies home….because it’s so bad it broke my heart.)

I think I might have cried just thinking of it.

Erin, I hope this has been helpful.

TO BE POSTED SOON ON DIAMOND BOXING.com

2009-03-31T22:51:00.001-05:00

A little sneak peak into my weekly boxing artcle. You guys get it a day in advance:

Commissioner of Boxing

I love boxing. If you are reading this, there is almost no doubt you love boxing as well. However, despite how we might all feel about the sport, I think we can agree it is not without some significant flaws. Granted no game is perfect, but I think boxing might have a few more black eyes (no pun intended) than most. It’s about time someone got around to cleaning it up.

Which is why…today…I am officially announcing my candidacy for Universal Commissioner of Boxing!

I know what you’re thinking. It IS a big step running for such a lofty post…ESPECIALLY one that is completely imaginary and is not likely to exist now or ever. But hear me out, I’m running on a platform with a couple of key points you might agree with me on:

1) One belt for each weight division. Basically the problem here is that there are too many boxing associations and organizations. Just off of the top of my head: WBA, WBC, IBF, WBO, IBO, and IBA (Don’t even ask me what they all stand for). Each organization crowns its own champs, so at the end of the day you get multiple belt holders in each division. You have dilution of title, the term “champ”, and no universally recognized #1 fighter per weight.

So my first order of business, upon becoming the Universal Commissioner of Boxing, will be to dissolve all boxing organizations save my own. There will be one, and only one, recognized champion in each weight division.

A byproduct of this decree will be that each title bout will carry more weight because it truly will be for supremacy in that weight division. Hopefully, that will draw more interest to title fights.

2) A shot clock for Larry Merchant. I fully appreciate the man’s body of work and what he has done for boxing….but man does it take this guy forever to get a thought out! He had his day, but at this point he’s clearly lost his fastball.

From the time he starts speaking I could: take a shower, make a sandwich, start my laundry, and come back in time for sentence number two. He is like Al Leiter between pitches times ten.

Here is my proposal: 10 second shot clock for Larry. From the time he starts his thought he gets ten seconds to finish. If you get to the ten second mark and hasn’t completed his take an alarm goes off and it’s just like basketball: change of possession. The “ball” goes to Lennox Lewis, Lampley, or Max Kellerman to finish Larry’s starting thought. Kind of a real life version of finish that lyric. Could be interesting.

I already know Lennox’s answer to everything: “He’s winning the fight with his jab!”

3) Improved scoring system. For some reason boxing has gotten a bad rap for being “fixed” in some circles. I’m not saying every fight in the history of sport has been completely on the “up and up”, but I think no more or less than any other sport. I’d bet my life Ricky Hatton fighting in Manchester wouldn’t get near as many homer call as Duke gets playing at Cameron Indoor or the Red Sox get in Boston.

I think one of the main culprits, in boxing getting such a bum rap, is the balky scoring system. Its inefficiencies and lack of transparency (even to the fighters themselves) can lead to some questionable decisions in certain cases. This casts an unneeded shadow over boxing. I would replace the current 10-9 per round blind scoring system with a more proficient, transparent one.

My scoring system would be public. After every round the judge’s scores would be displayed to the fighters, to those in attendance, and those watching at home. The scores will be kept up on a scoreboard much like the runs are up per inning at a baseball game. No more secretly and suspensefully revealing the judge’s scores after the fight. The main advantage of this public scoring is that the fighters will know exactly where they stand after each round. It will be like other sports where the contestants know the score as they go.

Secondly, I would allow for a round to be scored a 9-9 tie. You need to be able to call a round even. Some rounds are truly too close to call. There are so many times I’ve been watching a fight and thought to myself “That round was so close…how the hell would you score that?” Results are often more skewed over the course of 10 or 12 rounds because a judge, who has to pick a winner each round, will be more inclined to favor a certain style in every close round. I believe tie rounds will lead to more efficient scoring in fights that go the distance.

A counterargument might be that having even rounds will lead to more draws. To that I would say 1) there is just as likely a probability of a draw in the current format given the duration of most fights is an even number of rounds 2) Draws do not wear black hats. Usually, they are exciting fights. I think that if a fight is truly contested evenly, then it is more than fitting to end in a draw.

4) Erin Andrews. If I’m elected Universal Commissioner of Boxing, I promise to name America’s Favorite Sideline reporter as my second in command. Should be worth a few extra votes huh?

If you like what you’ve read here…. in lieu of write in votes, check me out daily on my blog: http://viewfromthecouch-dg.blogspot.com/

Few Scattered Thoughts

2009-03-29T20:22:00.002-05:00

I decided to entitle this entry “scattered” instead of “random”, because “random” has become one of the most overused words in the English language. People (especially Gen-Y’ers) vocabularies have become some limited that they use “random” because they are unable to come up with more situational specific words like: scattered, indiscriminant, or arbitrary. It’s a clear indication that people don’t read enough.
You might be saying “I read!”….well I’m talking about “Books, Jerry. Books…”
With that being said, let me smoothly transition into some bulleted thoughts….many of which have to do with television. Yeah, I’m a hypocrite:

- Ok so my NCAA brackets are basically busted right now. My team Pittsburgh went down the other night in one of the best games I’ve seen in a long time. I suppose because of that I have to eat a little crow, which is fair, but maybe that should be tempered somewhat by what I had written six weeks ago about Villanova. Back on February 12, I wrote:

“-Villanova gets the best guard play in the country and no one is talking about them. They handled another guard heavy team the other night then they beat up on Marquette. If Nova gets favorable match-ups and just enough out of Dante Cunningham inside they will make a deep postseason run. I like them A LOT in March. Remember I said that.”
So at least I had that insight. Ok…now you can rip on my brackets.

-I was listening to The Howard Stern Show on Sirius Radio Channel 100 last week, and Howard got into as discussion with resident in studio comic Artie Lange about the Sopranos finale from a few months back.

Now I was never a critic of the ending to the series. You know the last scene where Tony Soprano is sitting down with his family, with Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing” playing in the background. Right when Steve Perry gets to the third “…don’t stop.” The scene goes black. A lot of people didn’t like the ending, but I understood it. You can’t kill Tony off, because for one, it’s artistically too easy to just off him. Also, for financial reasons, you don’t want to kill the main character because you lose the opportunity to do a movie down the line. Think Sex and the City Movie.

I had some thoughts originally what the last scene was supposed to represent, and by combining that with some of Howard’s insight I think I figured it out…and it’s brilliant.
The scene is the audiences glimpse into the paranoia that Tony Soprano has chosen. He has chosen this “mob life”, this life of crime and enemies, where he is constantly looking over his shoulder for the next guy that might be looking to whack him. The whole final season is tumultuous, with friction with the New York faction, but by the time of the final scene all has been seemingly resolved. Phil Leotardo has been killed and order has been restored.

\When Tony sits down at a restaurant to have a meal with his family he seemingly has no reason
to look over his shoulder. But we the audience do. His paranoia, has been transferred to us. We get a glimpse into Tony’s world, and we believe every restaurant patron is about to take a shot at him. We think the person coming in the door is not Meadow Soprano, but a hired hitman.

Why do we think this? We adopt Tony’s paranoia, because we assume since it’s the final episode, that there is a good chance he will be killed before the end. That is brilliant writing, because it’s an anticipation of the audience’s perceived state of mind. It also plays to one of the underlying themes of the entire series: the psychological effects brought on by this chosen life of crime (he did see a shrink every episode).
Brilliant writing, terrific ending….and I just now fully understand and appreciate it.

- While I’m on the subject of satellite radio, I‘d like to take the opportunity to say that I’m a big fan. It’s great for the car. When I’m driving I like to listen to Howard or sports talk radio, and in this regard satellite radio is way better than regular terrestrial radio. The sound quality difference between satellite radio and regular radio ends up being equivalent to the difference between high definition television versus the regular TV signal. It is way clearer with way crisper sound.

You also get about 180 extra channels to select from on satellite radio. You are not stuck with talk show hosts of the local affiliate. So if you live in New York you don’t have to be resigned to listening to Yankee YES man (pun) Michael Kay or “Egoman” Mike Francesa during the afternoon drive. Sirius also has channels that you can listen to television shows on the radio. A few times I’ve been able to listen to PTI while I’ve been driving.

Right now the per month cost of satellite radio is a little high for some people on the fringe, but before long I think the price will come down. When that happens I implore you all to try it. I bet once you have it you won’t want to go back to terrestrial radio.

Also, I’m pretty sure Sirius-XM inked a deal with Apple to include an application within the Iphone for satellite radio. Any of you that have Iphones should be on the lookout for this feature.
By the way, I’m not just up here flapping my gums. I put my money where my mouth is. Bought 4000 shares of SIRI last week.

-No one beats the drum more for Friday Night Lights than I do, and I’m happy to announce that the best show on network television has been picked up for two more season by NBC. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, if you have never seen this show you really ought to try it. It’s a show centered around a small town high school football team that has something for everyone. I have known dozens of girls who hate football who have given this show a go, and become hooked.
This season the writing has been the best since the end of Season 1, with appropriate send offs to two of the shows strongest characters (Jason Street the paraplegic former QB and “Smash” Williams), and a full evolution of bad-boy Tim Riggins. Also this season, you have had some added screen time for Minka Kelly (Derek Jeter’s girl), Adrianne Palicki, and my favorite, the coach’s daughter…Aimee Teegarden, which I haven’t exactly been complaining about.
If you haven’t ever watched this show, you need to do so now. I would not steer you wrong.
-How good is Planet Earth? I really enjoy this high-def nature show. I might have to go out and get the DVD set. I missed the first half of the Louisville-Michigan State game Sunday afternoon because I got so immersed in one of these installments about the Arctic Penguins.
I picked penguins over college basketball.

-View from the Couch favorite girls right now: Katy Perry, Blake Lively, Emily Blunt, Carrie Underwood, and Julianne Hough (from Dancing with the Stars). If asked to rank them:

1) Blake Lively
2) Katy Perry
3) Julianne Hough
4) Emily Blunt
5) Carrie Underwood

You Have Got to Love a Good Mailbag...Right?

2009-03-24T21:56:00.001-05:00

Why can’t I afford to buy and own a decent place?

-Lavelle (age 24)
Manhattan

DG: First thought: Thank god you cannot afford a “decent” place. You’re 24 years old in New York City…the average 2 bedroom 2 bathroom apartment is about… I dunno….800K! If you translate New York City real estate rates to more reasonable suburban terms, 800K gets you about 5 bedrooms, 3 baths, 1.5 to 2 acres, and a mini-van.

Also, if you put it in terms of Alaska cost of living, 800K would allow you to never work, play on snow-mobiles, marry a beauty queen, and live like a king. Don’t believe me? Just look at Todd Palin.

It’s ok . McCain choosing Sarah Palin as his running mate was still a good choice. I mean his only viable options boiled down to her and O.J . remember? Huh….wait you mean that’s only what I tell myself to make the night terrors go away? Oh good god.

By the way, the other day I saw a Palin 2012 sticker and I blacked out for about a half hour.

Back to the point, Lavelle, you’re probably thinking in terms of 2002…. where if you drove slow enough past a loan office with an open window, there was a good chance you’d be hit in the face with an approved mortgage. Back then people you’re age were getting outrageous mortgages approved and were getting 800K sort of places. This happened for maybe a ten year period (think mid-Clinton administration to mid to late Bush era), and created a whole half generation of people who were getting dream houses as starter homes at a very young age. But don’t confuse things; they, like you now, really could not afford the places they purchased. A large portion of those folks who bought those homes were among the first to default on their mortgages when the housing market leveled off and interest rates rose (the lion’s share of those wrongly approved mortgages were of the adjustable-interest rate variety). If you think of the housing industry trouble as a giant balloon, than these young people with large homes were basically a long rusty nail. POP!

It’s a good sign that you’re 24 and interested in a real estate investment. I also like thatr you’re level-headed enough to realize you can’t afford it. Maybe we have turned a corner. If there were more around like you 10 years ago maybe this economy would not have gone in the crapper.

What’s a better day to “take off”: Friday or Monday?

Playing hooky
-Nassau County, NY

DG: Definitely Monday. Although I do appreciate the two schools of thought at play. On the one hand, if you play hooky on a Friday, it allows you to go out Thursday and then move seamlessly into “weekend mode”. However, not showing or calling in “sick” on a Friday is a serious red flag. Your boss is sure to take notice. Could very well hurt your long-term employment potential.

I much prefer taking a Monday. In terms of total hours of work missed (my usual priority), this is the preferred route to take. Most Fridays end up being the shortest work day of the week in terms of hours. It is acceptable to both come in later AND leave earlier than usual on a Friday.

In addition, if you come in a little hung-over on a Friday morning after a boozy Thursday night? No problem Thursday is the new Friday. You’re co-workers will love the stories about your late night escapades. You’ll be the mayor for a day and an office-hero!

You come in hung-over on a couple of Tuesdays? People will whisper about your drinking problem, and you might have to pencil yourself in for a “meeting” with human resources.

Another good reason to take a Monday off? You won’t have to answer the “so…how was your weekend?”, “who’s got a case of the Monday’s”-esque questions from everyone and their mother all day long on Monday.

Your last post was interesting. What are your thoughts on "revamping" the economy?

Erin
-New York, NY

DG: Glad you enjoyed the post from the other day. Your question is a pretty complex one. It’s going to take a little while for the economy to fully rebound (I’m thinking fourth quarter this year, or first quarter next year) and there are a number of different buttons that government and regulators will have to push along the way to help us get us there.

I believe they MAY have pushed the correct one last week and yesterday when Timothy Geitner released the “Toxic Asset Bailout Plan” to buy up $1 Trillion (yes, I didn’t know that was a real number either) worth of toxic assets. These assets refer mainly to mortgage-backed securities that remain on bank balance sheets.

The reason I say this plan MAY work is that it will be successful if it does two things: 1) adds liquidity to the lending markets and 2) instill general market confidence.

Market liquidity is a big problem right now. People and institutions with cash are very wary about lending it out….especially cash strapped banks. This plan will essentially dump cash into the economy (by way of the banks), creating liquidity in the lending markets, and make borrowing between people and institutions more feasible. Think of cash as a little WD-40 on a creaky wheel. Makes it run smoother. This is a very good thing. Having liquid lending markets with “buyers” and “sellers” being able to match up essentially drives a capitalist system.

It is very important that the government show the general consumer public that they are making efforts to turn this poor economy around, even if the plan is largely a placebo. I don’t know if this “Toxic Asset Plan” will be a catalyst in turning the market around, but it’s something. It at least is an attempt to show people that the government is trying something.
There is some precedent here. Look at your history books. Many of FDR’s New Deal policies were also little more than a placebo. Hell, by and large, most of his public works sponsored programs were little more than having ten guys dig a whole and then having ten different guys fill it back in. But it worked. People believed in that and in him because they wanted to have hope.

People now are maybe a little les naïve then back in 1932, so I think public “hole-digging” exhibitions are out of the question, but people still want to have hope. They still want to believe that the government is going to do something to turn this mess around. The irony (or beauty…depending on how you look at it) is the belief that the market will get better is largely a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more people believe the economy is on the upswing, the more likely it actually will begin to be.

I’m not exactly on the Obama/Geitner bandwagon with this thing just ye, but I hope it does help.

AIG BONUS SCANDAL

2009-03-22T21:46:00.000-05:00

Growing up you operate under the notion that the country is being run by brilliant and extraordinary people. Ivy League men and women making thoughtful and informed decisions based on expertise and acumen that is above the general comprehension of those outside their realm. It’s somewhat comforting too. Just the thought that: “Boy, if something comes up at least we have our best and brightest working on it.”

When you get older you understand that just because someone is a Congressman or Senator doesn’t mean they have superhuman brainpower and abilities, but in the back of your mind you still believe they are special. I mean there are only a select few that make it to that level….and through a general election process they have been publicly vetted to a certain extent. I have got to say, over the past few months, and more specifically in the last 5 or 6 days, I’ve become far less certain that this country is being run by the very best people. In fact, there seems to be an extremely large percentage of these people that could be categorized in either or both of these two categories: crooks and idiots.

Unless you have been under a rock the past week you’ve seen, heard, or read something about the outrageous “bonuses” that were granted to people within the financial service division at AIG. This is the same AIG that received $170 Billion….I repeat $170 BILLION in taxpayer bailout money in the fourth quarter in 2008 and is currently about 80% government owned/controlled.

Unbelievably still, even with the help of that gargantuan sum, AIG still posted fourth quarter losses of $61.7 billion loss for that same quarter. Last week, it was disclosed that AIG had paid “bonuses” to employees within their financial services division equaling about $450 million in total, and “bonuses” firm-wide equaling $1.2 billion. These bonuses were paid with U.S. taxpayer money. Think of AIG as a “wash account” for over $1 Billion in government/taxpayer money.

After this news broke last week, the requisite finger pointing began. What parties were to blame? The executives at AIG?….Absolutely. Completely irresponsible in this socio-economic climate to think it’s ok to approve and grant people those sums of money in bonuses. Especially when you were ground zero for our current economic crisis and you are funding these bonuses with handout money.

The government also to blame? Yes, even more so. How can you hand out hundreds of billions of dollars in taxpayer money, with no stipulations on how it is to be spent? Total irresponsibly from the people whose job it is to be responsible.

The people that received the money to blame? Absolutely not. I blame the people who approved and doled out the bonuses, but you can hardly blame the people who simply received them. You may have just lost your pension, savings, retirement in the market and someone hands you a million dollars…and you’re supposed to turn around and give it back? No way.

I can understand the government’s frustration and disapproval with the AIG bonus situation. Quite frankly, they should have been embarrassed they did not have the foresight to stipulate where the government bailout money should be directed. I cannot, however understand the reasoning behind their reaction: quickly passing a law to tax any and all future bonuses at firms that received government funds at 90% !

The legislation that passed last Thursday calls for: “a 90% tax on bonuses awarded by corporations receiving more than $5 billion in Treasury aid from the TARP”. This is a “knee-jerk” response to an adverse situation and is both reprehensible and irresponsible on a few different fronts.

First off, I’m not even sure this bit of legislation is constitutional. I had to scour my memory banks from 7th grade Social Studies (something clearly the lawmakers did not do), but this bill seems to violate ex post facto. It creates legislation that changes the legal consequence of facts that existed prior to the enactment of the law. Even more Lehman’s terms: changing the rules as the game is being played. By the way, this piece of legislation that seems to be completely unconstitutional was approved by a vote of: 328 to 93 in the House.

In addition, imposing a government “salary cap” on TARP firms surely will cripple them going forward, as it will lead to a mass exodus of top-level talent. It makes sense on an individual level. Why work for one of a handful of these fully government-regulated TARP firms, and have 9 out of every 10 dollars you earn “confiscated” by Uncle Sam, when you can go elsewhere and get your full market value. If these firms lose their best workers and earners how are they ever suppose to bounce back? They won’t any time soon. And the longer it takes the Goldman Sachs and Bank of America’s of the world to get back on their feet, the longer the economy will take to recover. The greatest legacy of this past legislation might be that it ensures the further retardation of our economy.

You might be wondering how such an abominable piece of legalization can get through Congress. I had one thought. Although we tend to some up laws and pieces of legislation into a few lines, the actual documents are usually hundreds or thousands of pages long. Consider the timeline. The AIG bonus’s become public early last week….AIG CEO Edward Liddy testified before Congress on Wednesday March 18th…..and by Thursday the 19th, the bill had already been voted through the House.

Doesn’t that seem a little hasty? At what point between Liddy testifying on Wednesday and the Thursday afternoon vote, did the members of the House have a chance to read and review the thousand page law they were enacting? Is the reason the Congress of this country likely voted through a seemingly unconstitutional law because: they didn’t even really know what they were voting on? Important voting by the largely uninformed. Terrific.

Doling out taxpayer dollars in the billions without regulating what it could and couldn’t not be used for… passing hasty legislation after the fact…government endorsed “witch hunts” aimed at individuals who received money in order to cover up the irresponsible lack on initial controls by the federal government….does this really sound like the actions of our best and brightest? Shame on them.

MARCH MADNESS PICKS

2009-03-18T20:22:00.008-05:00

(Click on the bracket to enlarge)

If you’re reading this Thursday morning you can still change your picks…

Like I promised earlier in the week, I’ve gone ahead and published my NCAA Tournament picks. Since this is so public, if I do poorly…. I fully expect….nay INVITE each and everyone one of you to criticize me as ruthlessly as you can. It’s only fair. HOWEVA’!! (picture Screamin’ Steven A. Smith saying it)…if you happen to use my picks in your own office pools…and happen to win some money….I invite….nay FULLY EXPECT you to send me a 25% of your winnings. “Somethin’ you know, for the effort.”

Hey, it’s only fair.

Some of my picks explained:

- I’ve gone ahead and picked some pretty significant upsets in the first round. However I STAYED AWAY from one that a lot of people seem to like: Arizona (12) over Utah (5)

This was an enticing pick, because Arizona has such a talented roster (they have two players, in Chase Budinger and Jordan Hill, who have a good chance to be lottery picks in this upcoming NBA Draft). However I just could not pull the trigger. I had one question: With such a deep and talented roster, why were they not able to pick up any good road wins? Take a look. There best road win is at…. Oregon State? They lost to every other decent team they played on the road. Since this game is being played in Miami, and not Tucson, I’m taking the Utes.

- The 5-12 upset I do like is Western Kentucky (12) over Illinois (5). I have not been impressed by Illinois at all this year. They have struggled offensively at times and played in a weak Big Ten Conference. In addition, they are without their point guard Chester Frazier. Western Kentucky is a solid team with tourney experience. I like this upset.

- Ok…I didn’t take my own earlier advice and got caught up in the hype: Mississippi State (13) over Washington (4). I might regret that one.

- I made some of my bolder picks in the Midwest region. USC is a boom or bust team. Picking them to win two games is a big risk. Possibly make or break. They underachieved all year but finally put it together in the Pac-10 tournament. Another reason why I like them: I have them playing a VERY overrated Michigan State team in the second round. I was chomping at the bit for a good opportunity to pick against the Spartans.

-I really like West Virginia. They seem to always surprise and win a few games in March. They are good athletic team that plays team defense and consistently makes shots. I was also encouraged by the deep run they made in the Big East Tournament a week ago.

-I didn’t….but someone please have the balls to pick Texas to beat those marshmallow-soft Duke Blue Devils in round 2! Please.

- Like I said in my Mid-Season report, Ty Lawson was and is the most important player in the entire country. He gets Carolina points in transition, protects the ball, and gets his teammates easy buckets. With him 100% healthy, UNC would be my pick to win the whole thing. As it stands now however, they are not sure if he will play in either of the first two rounds, and certainly when he returns he will not be 100% at any point. In the recent ACC Tournament, UNC struggled to beat Virginia Tech and then lost to Florida State without Lawson in the lineup.

Unless he makes a miraculous recovery, they will have a hard time getting to the Final Four, because they could potentially play a team like Oklahoma, Syracuse, or Arizona State in the round of eight. By the way, don’t sleep on the Sooners. They were a dominant team early this year before Blake Griffin got hurt, and if he’s back to full strength he is the best player in the whole field.

-If not the Tar Heels than who?

From about mid-season on I have really liked the Pittsburgh Panthers. I had the opportunity to watch quite a few of their games this year, and was struck by how complete a team they were. Good point guard in Levance Fields, solid big man in Blair, excellent role players, and a top notch all-around player in Sam Young. In fact, if Pitt ends up winning the whole thing I’m going to go ahead and say the unheralded Young will be the MOP of the Final Four. He’s that good and I think his team is that solid. I’m not worried about a few losses along the way (mid-season to Providence and a 14 point loss to WVU in the Big East a week ago).

The one thing that does scare me about Pitt: recent struggles they have had in the NCAA’s. They haven’t seemed to be able to get over the Sweet Sixteen hump. However, until last year, you could have said the same thing about Kansas under Coach Bill Self. All they did? Break through and win a National Championship.

I’m hoping (and so is my wallet) that I’m right about Pitt being this year’s Kansas. Oh…and if I win….all mine. Not sharing.

A Heads Up

2009-03-16T22:12:00.004-05:00

For those of you who are interested in boxing, you can read me again this week at DiamondBoxing.com:

http://www.diamondboxing.com/newsstory.php?list=6689

Selection Sunday Redux

2009-03-15T22:24:00.000-05:00

I plan on releasing my full NCAA Brackets at some point this week. Not sure exactly what day just yet. I’ve haven’t quite decided what my Final Four is going to be nor have I figured out which first round upset I’m going to pick. For now just a few quick-hitter thoughts and some advise in filling out your brackets:

Kudos to the Selection Committee. I was in transit to NYC during the 6 o’ clock selection show, and I fully expected to turn on ESPN when I got to my apartment and see Dicky V ranting and raving about what team got snubbed from the Big Dance, “ARE YOU SERIOUS BABY WITH A CAPITAL S!!!! DIPSY DOO HOSE-A-ROOO!!!”

To my surprise, however, the NCAA Tournament Selection by and large got it right. In fact in all the years I’ve been following college basketball this may be the best job of selecting and seeding teams that I’ve seen. My one gripe is about too many Big Ten teams represented in the field of 64, but that’s also my gripe every year (more below).

During an interview with ESPN, The President of the Selection Committee said that Saint Mary’s was the first team left out. Therefore, we can assume the final debate same down to: Arizona (at a 12 seed the highest seeded at-large team in the field of 64) vs. Saint Mary’s. I completely agree with choosing Arizona over Saint Mary’s. Although, Saint Mary’s has a gaudier win-loss record and presumably a higher RPI (computer formula ranking), I’ve always felt that it’s not a matter of computer rankings or number of wins that should determine who makes the NCAA’s but rather: who have you beaten? What good wins do you have?

Arizona holds quality wins this year over: Kansas, Gonzaga, San Diego State, USC and UCLA. While Saint Mary’s best win is over an NIT bound Providence squad. Moreover, the best team they played the entire year (Gonzaga) beat them twice.

In making your selections be wary of the BIG TEN. Every year the Big Ten (which by the way is a ridiculous name for a conference with 11 schools….seriously) gets a six or seven teams in the “Big Dance” and then by the second weekend there is maybe one left. Like clockwork they got 7 teams there again this year.

I have many theories as to why the Big Ten has always gotten so many teams in the NCAA tourney and then had so many bow out early. In fact, many of these are the same reasons why the Big Ten has such a poor college football bowl record as well.

These reasons include but are not exclusive to: inferior athletes, television exposure which inflates the value of teams leading to higher than warranted rankings (looking squarely at you Michigan State), huge alumni bases that travel well making them financially attractive postseason selections, a slow-down brand of half court basketball which may work in conference play but does not lend itself to the frantic full court type games which occur in March.

Another problem is that they get teams into the tourney based on performance in the Big Ten regular season….but how much value should we assess to that?

Take Wisconsin as an example. They played three tournament teams in their non-conference schedule…and lost all three: Marquette, to UConn on a neutral court by 20, and to Texas at home. Therefore, the reason they made the field of 64 was because of their “strong” 10-8 Big Ten record.

But what does a 10-8 record in the Big Ten mean? Is that even really any good? If you have a slightly winning record in a conference that perennially disappoints in the post-season, has lost EVERY…I repeat EVERY ACC/Big Ten Challenge contested (there have been 10), and whose best team (Michigan State) lost in their backyard in Detroit earlier this season to a shorthanded UNC team by 35 points….does that even make you a good team? Probably not.

For these reasons I’m going to pick against the Big Ten again this year.

Be wary of so called “Hot Teams”. Every year there are teams that come into the NCAA tourney on a roll. They’ve won a number of games in a row and/or made deep runs in their conference tournaments. These teams usually become very popular, chic picks to win a bunch of games in some people’s brackets.

However, in many instances these teams disappoint with early exits. An example that comes to mind is the streaky Syracuse team that, in 2006, won 4 games to claim the Big East Tournament Title and then were upset in the first round by a more consistent Texas A&M team.

Mississippi State comes in hot this year, having won the SEC title today, and will be a popular pick to upset Washington in the first round. Hint: I wouldn’t be so quick to take that upset.

Since some teams have to wait five, six, or seven days from the end of their respective conference tournaments to play their first round NCAA Tournament games. With that type of lay off match-ups become more important than momentum.

Some other “hot” teams to be careful of: USC, Purdue, Oklahoma State, and Maryland

Good luck with your brackets. I’ll release mine soon.

Another Wonderful Mailbag!

2009-03-10T23:19:00.004-05:00

Q: What’s next for Terrell Owens?

-Tim
New York, NY

DG: You cannot believe how disappointed I am that Owens signed with the Bills over the weekend. I had a whole “Where will Owens land?” article locked and loaded. It was going to be “rip city” folks. What a shame.

I guess the silver lining is the fact that since he is going to start the season in Buffalo, I can put my article on ice for a little while, and use it about this time next year. You can read into that: I don’t see this ending well.

Don’t get me wrong I think the Bills made a shrewd business decision by signing the mercurial receiver, because he will help bring attention and dollars to upstate NY….but I don’t think the Bills realize what they getting into.

They are in for one tumultuous season. I’m not sure it’s exactly tremendous for locker room chemistry when you bring in a guy who owns the line: “I love me some me”. I’m not kidding…look it up he owns the rights to it! I owe him a dime just for using it in this blog.

I don’t think Owens knows what he’s getting into either. Can’t you just imagine this exchange between TO and his agent Drew Rosenhaus at some point next season:

TO: “Drew, the craziest thing just happened….its November and there is a foot of snow on the ground!”

Rosenhaus: “Wow T.O that almost never happens!… (then under his breath)….most of the time it starts snowing in October.”

TO: “These people up here are crazy too. They be drinking this stuff called “pop”....I never even heard of it.

I got that 4 mil up front so…you gotta get my ass out of here…what you need me to do? I got tons of tricks up my sleeve: scream at the coaches, drop every other pass thrown my way, publicly question Trent Edwards sexuality, teary public man-cry breakdown moment…its all gold….I got all that.”

Rosenhaus: “One step ahead of you ’81. Got you an out. Already got Al Davis on line 1. He wants you baaaaaadddd! But there is a catch. He’s offering a long term deal and big money…..but he also thinks its 1975 and he wants to run it by Kenny Stabler first. We’ll work through it. TO, let me patch my inner monologue through on line 2. He wants to say something.”

Drew Rosenhaus’s inner monologue: “I smell me some money money money money money money money money money money money!”

I’m going to go ahead and set the over/under for number of TO starts in Buffalo at 10. I’ll take the under. Anyone want the other side?

Q: The female CNBC anchors are the only thing getting me through this economy. Who are your favorites?

-Charles
New York, NY

DG: I’ve gotten sent this question at least twice before, and had this conversation privately on numerous occasions. This is a pretty typical trading floor conversation during a low volume day. To that end I’ve given this some thought, and I feel pretty good about my rankings. This is my top 5:

5) Maria Bartiromo – How could the original “Money Honey” not make the top 5? Once a perennial number one contender, she has seemed flustered by the recent economic crisis. Every time the market drops a few hundred points her voice cracks, she looks bewildered, disheveled, and somewhat panic-ridden. I could have sworn I saw some sweat beads forming last week. If there was a sports equivalent to Maria right now, it would have to be Michael Jordan in comeback #2 with the Washington Wizards. At times showing flashes of former brilliance, but when the big lights are on, is exposed to be a little over the hill, a little out of shape, and a little past their prime.

4) Rebecca Jarvis – a poor man’s Erin Burnett

3) Erin Burnett - a rich man’s Rebecca Jarvis. Speaking of rich…sounds like you need to be a VERY rich man to “court” Ms. Burnett. Private yoga instructor to her apartment? Fly her parents to Australia? Can she really be serious? And she has the presence of mind to make sure to specify “business class” tickets? Jeez…this is the worst over-valuation of someone’s own worth since…wait I already used the Jordan analogy didn’t i?…damn. Ok, how about worst over-valuation since Costanza demanded “the Ted Danson plane!”.

2) Michelle Caruso-Cabrera – Do I detect a little bit of a Mr. Robinson quality to her? Also, and maybe it’s just me, but sometimes she appears just about ready to wink at the camera. Maybe? No? Ok well it’s my list and I think she’s trying to wink at me. Boy, I need to pay attention more at work.

1) Trish Regan - kind of a cute, Pam Beesly-esque, girl next door cute quality her. Plus, I catch her on the Today Show quite a bit, so she has the advantage of being on the screen BEFORE the market opens sometimes- and hence BEFORE I lose all my money everyday. Paints her in a more positive light.

Q: DG, can you do me a huge favor…..whatever you do….in 2009 DO NOT let me dance the cachucha on “Dancing with the Stars?”

-Lawrence Taylor (circa 1987)

DG: Look I had a wonderful childhood. I had the privilege of being a kid the late 1980’s and early 1990’s (and some would argue that late 20th century and early 21st century). Golden age to grow up.

If you think of my childhood as a grand Parthenon-like architectural monument, then two of the main pillars holding up the entire structure up would be: Indiana Jones and Lawrence Taylor. Very important figures to me growing up. Over the course of the past six months however, major cannon balls to these pillars have necessitated a serious reevaluation on my part.

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade was the first movie I ever saw at the theatre. It’s the reason I love movies. It’s still in my top 5 all-time. I was “baby playing in water” level excited to go see the most recent Indian Jones flick. However, this installment was so HORRIBLE I will not now, nor will I ever refer to it by name.

It was so bad it almost serves to discredit the other three previous films, as well as Harrison Ford as an actor, and George Lucas and Steven Spielberg as filmmakers. You don’t believe in karma? Spielberg makes “the movie that shall not be named” and then loses a hundred million bucks with Bernie Madoff. Fair cosmic retribution if you ask me.

I kid you not when I say that seeing the last Indy movie was one of the most disappointing moments of my entire life (I’m embarrassed but it’s true). I thought nothing could ever again be so jarring….that is until I saw Lawrence Taylor the other night.

LT ......the biggest, fastest, meanest SOB you ever saw on a football field…. shattered Joe Theisman’s leg… struck fear into the heart’s of every offensive player who ever lined up against him....a true freak of nature who redefined the position of outside linebacker, greatest defensive football player of all time… wearing a shiny, puffy shirt dancing the cha-cha on Dancing with the Stars.

It was like someone took a sledge-hammer right to my solar plexus. I can’t even give the dude a mulligan either. He actually said dancing was harder than playing in the NFL! Ugggghhhh!!!!!

Indiana Jones a joke? LT… a ballroom dancer? Hell, now I suppose anything is possible. Maybe Reagan was really a communist? Maybe Michael Jackson is normal and the rest of us weird? Maybe Don Mattingly was rocking fake sideburns?

O god…call an ambulance…I think I’m going to be sick.

ANNOUNCEMENT

2009-03-08T22:46:00.003-05:00

Don't be alarmed....but I revamped the look of the site. I think I'm going to do this periodically....maybe the colors will trick people into reading this silly thing (eh hem.... personal indulgence). Couple of other changes:

- I've made it easier to post comments and questions by adding a feature that allows you to enter comments Anonymously without having to sign up. I'm hoping people will be more willing to challenge my lists and opinions....or rip me. That would be cool too.

- Also recently made the site Google searchable, hopefully this will scare up some extra interest

- Lastly, you may be seeing some advertising in the sidebars and at the bottom of the posts in the near future...hey this thing doesn't pay for itself

Full Monty’s

2009-03-08T22:26:00.003-05:00

I usually try to stick to what I consider my forte: writing mainly about sports, current events, and popular culture, while occasionally throwing in a political or economic thought or two when it seems necessary.

Today, if you’ll allow me some latitude, I’d like to go off the beaten path a bit. I would like to broach a very sensitive subject of some seriousness. It has the potential to affect roughly half of this country’s population on any given day, and warrants at least a mention. I’d also like to start the dialogue with one simple (albeit Seinfeld-like) question: What’s the deal with naked guys at the gym?

I’m surely not alone when I say that I am totally weirded out by the amount of unnecessary and excessive male nudity that many are subjected to at the gym. And I think the problem might be reaching epidemic levels.

Most guys know exactly what I’m talking about. For some reason there is a certain percentage of the male population that loves to walk around naked in the locker room. However conservative these fellas’ might be at home, they get in that closed space with other dudes and they insist on subjecting complete strangers to their man parts. Unlike most major problems facing this country, this over-exposure problem is not political, racial, or socio-economic….however it might have some “age-ist” tendencies…but I’ll get to that.

I spend as little time in these gym locker rooms situations as humanly possible. I basically try to get in, change my shoes, try my best not to bump into any naked dudes, and get out as quick as possible. Shower at home whenever possible. No conversations. No naked time. I think I’m in the majority in this regard.

Although I spend as little time as possible in the locker room, I’ve been to the gym enough times in my life to classify the minority into types. Feel free to think of these as categories….archetypes…or a low-level animal classification system:

1) “Air Dry” Guy: This guy likes to shower at the gym, and then pulls a Rod Tidwell and goes sans towel. This species is noted for the length of nudity (until he is dry enough to put clothes on) and the uncomfortable nature of his nudity (the only thing worse than being stuck next to a naked stranger is a naked stranger who is dripping wet).

2) Abracadabra Guy: Has the presence of mind cover up with a towel upon exiting the shower, and makes you think maybe it’s safe…..maybe he’ll keep it on. However, when he gets near your locker he rips off the towel in one swift move. Think of the move a magician makes over his veiled hat…only a magician usually makes something like a rabbit disappear….. and this guy makes something that looks like a rabbit appear. Yeah.

3) The Mirror Guy: This clown loves himself so much, that gets naked and looks at himself in the mirror for an extended period of time. The mirror doubles everyone’s “pleasure”. Not only do you have one naked pruning, posing, narcissist moron but you have his exact mirror image making kissy faces back at him. Oh and by the way, this is usually the same dude who rocks the three pounds of hair gel, half a bottle of cologne, and sports the year round “bronzo-perma tan”.

In some circles this character even goes my a specific proper name: Brody Jenner.

4) Scale Guy: Refuses to weigh himself with anything on. Drops down to his birthday suit to get on the scale. He believes that wearing boxer shorts on the scales would so skew the reading that it would render it useless. “Phew…good thing I’m naked, or else I might have weighed .001 pounds more than I do right now.”

5) Old Guys: O man I’m even uncomfortable writing about these dudes. Ok…so I don’t have to make everyone uncomfortable by going too much detail, I’m going to sum up my entire take with one word: Gravity.

(hey, be happy I didn’t use a phrase like “Drop Anchor”…oh wait…)

6) Casual Naked Guy: The most curious of all the naked species. Does everything in his power to make you think he has clothes on. Although exposing all of his “man nether regions” this guy otherwise acts completely normal. He combs his hair, uses his cell phone, checks the gym schedule, chats up other clothed gym members about the Yankees, cars, or what have you…to such an extent that you almost forget he is essentially buck naked in a public place . Do not be fooled by this character. There is nothing normal about trading stock tips with a guy whose manhood in blowing in the wind.

I’ve now done my civic duty. I’ll let this article serve as both a public service announcement and a survival guide. Now that you know all the species that are out there you’ll be better equipped to protect yourself.

Good luck.

UPDATED** First Round NFL MOCK DRAFT

2009-03-05T22:53:00.002-06:00

In the past few weeks, there have been quite a few shake-ups in NFL free agency and the Scouting Combine that will have an effect on this year’s first round. Thought I might update my original First Round Mock Draft:

(to compare….this was the previously posted mock draft: http://viewfromthecouch-dg.blogspot.com/2009/02/first-round-nfl-mock-draft.html )

**Updated MOCK DRAFT**:

1) DETROIT LIONS: Matthew Stafford (QB, Georgia) – Initially, I had thought the Lions were about 50/50 between taking a tackle or a quarterback. After letting both QB Dan Orlovsky and Jon Kitna leave via free agency, and Andre Smith going AWOL at the combine (literally he disappeared when he was supposed to working out and no one knew where he was), I believe they have set themselves up not only to take Stafford #1, but also install him as the started from Day 1.

2) St. LOUIS RAMS: Jason Smith (T, Baylor)- I still like the Rams to take a tackle as the heir apparent to Orlando Pace, but questions about his character have Andre Smith plummeting down the draft boards. Smith worked out the best of any of the tackles at the combine, and appears to be the most athletic. Eugene Monroe warrants consideration as well.

3) KANSAS CITY CHIEFS: Aaron Curry (LB, Wake Forest)- Best workout of any player in the whole draft in Indianapolis (for the NFL combine). Looked big, fast, and athletic. Could very well be the best overall player in the draft. Chiefs are hoping that they have a chance to take him here.

4)SEATTLE SEAHAWKS: Eugene Monroe (T, Virginia)- The Seahawks landed a Pro Bowl receiver in T.J. Houshmandzadeh via free agency, so WR isn’t as glaring a need as it was pre-free agency. Crabtree is still a possibility, but I think they will go OT with this pick. The prospect of getting a player like Monroe to be the successor to an aging Walter Jones at LT is too good to pass up.

5) CLEVLAND BROWNS: Brian Orakpo (DE, Texas)- Browns got rid of Kellen Winslow last week, so TE is a need for them, but it’s too early to take any of the top TE prospects. I had them taking Orakpo before and I still like him here at pick #5.

6) CINCINNATI BENGALS: Michael Crabtree (WR, Texas Tech)- Crabtree is a good value here and fits a need. Having lost Houshmandzadeh in free agency, they really need a big sure-handed WR.

Crabtree would be happy to go this high in the draft. The Texas Tech WR measured in a little shorter at the Combine than expected (listed at 6’4” he measured in at little over 6’1”), and also will not workout for any teams because of a broken foot. I actually wonder if he may have benefited from being injured. Had he run a slow forty time (in the 4.7 range) it would have been a bigger concern to NFL teams than a foot injury. Could have dropped him out of the top 10.

7)OAKLAND RAIDERS: Andre Smith (T, Alabama)- Since the Raiders need a top tackle prospect, and they have been a haven for players with “character issues” over the years….. I’ll bet they take Andre Smith here.

Very ironic: Smith was suspended from the Sugar Bowl for being connected to a professional agent….then went AWOL at the combine and cited “lack of an agent” as the reason he did not notify teams that he inexplicably flown home. Sounds like a Raider to me.
.
8) JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS: B.J Raji (DT, Boston College)- Jags would like to see either Smith LT or Eugene Monroe fall to them at the seventh pick, but if that doesn't happen I think they go with Raji. They will also have their eye on QB Mark Sanchez, however, I think shoring up there defensive front by selecting the best interior defensive line prospect in the draft will take precedent.

9)GREEN BAY PACKERS: Vontae Davis (C, Illinois)- I originally had them tacking Davis and I’m sticking with him. Best all around athlete of any CB in this draft. Ohio State defensive back Malcolm Jenkins could have been an option here as well, however he ran forty times nearing 4.6 in Indy, and is now thought to be a better fit at safety

10) SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS: Mark Sanchez (QB, USC)- I had them taking Sanchez previously and I still like them to select the former USC signal caller. He most likely won’t start in year one, but could end up being a very good NFL Quarterback down the line.

11) BUFFALO BILLS: Everette Brown (DE, Florida State)- Will almost certainly take a DE with this pick. I have Brown rated as my #2 DE in this draft, and he would be a good addition to the Bills.

12) DENVER BRONCOS: Brian Cushing (LB, USC) – Broncos have proven to be a bit of a wild card this offseason. First firing Mike Shanahan, then signing an army of players in free agency, and finally shopping Jay Cutler of late (although it looks like he’ll be back). I had them taking Maualuga in my first mock draft, but his college teammate Cushing worked out better and I think they will draft him to man the outside backer spot in Denver.

13) WASHINGTON REDSKINS: Aaron Maybin (DE, Penn State)- They cut Jason Taylor and need a DE. Maybin is undersized and might just be a situational pass rusher early in his career, but I think the 'Skins would jump at the chance to get a speedy edge rusher.

14) NEW ORLEANS SAINTS: Rey Maualuga (LB, USC)- Team that needs an outside linebacker. Although Maualuga played the inside in college, his size should allow him to transition to the outside in the NFL.

15) HOUSTON TEXANS: Tyson Jackson (DE, LSU)- In my opinion WAY too early for Jackson at pick #15. However, the Texan’s biggest need is at DE opposite Mario Williams, and Houston has been known to reach for picks. They took T Duane Brown out of Virginia Tech in the first round last year when he carried a mid-second round grade on most draft boards.

16) SAN DIEGO CHARGERS: Jeremy Maclin (WR, Missouri)- Still like the Chargers to take Maclin. They can afford to make a bit of a luxury pick. Can you imagine how explosive this team will be on third down with Darren Sproles and Maclin on the field at the same time?

17) NEW YORK JETS: Darius Heyward-Bey (WR,Maryland) – After letting Laveranues Coles walk in free agency WR is a good pick for Gang Green. They SHOULD take Percy Harvin, but I believe they will be too enamored with Hayward-Bey’s 6’2” frame and 4.3 speed (fastest player in the whole draft) to pass him up.

18) CHICAGO BEARS: Percy Harvin (WR, Florida)- Would be smart to take Harvin with this pick, but don’t be too surprised if the Bears make a shocking selection (and a mistake) and draft QB Josh Freeman out of Kansas State. Big guy with a big arm….they will think he makes sense as a future QB to throw in the wind and cold in Chicago.

19) TAMPA BAY BUCS: James Laurinaitis (LB, Ohio State)- Tough one to call for the Bucs at #19. Would be taking a RB if they hadn’t picked up Derrick Ward in free agency. Linebacker is a need since Derrick Brooks was cut, however they would take Heyward-Bey or Harvin if they fell this far.

20) DETROIT LIONS: Malcolm Jenkins (CB/S, Ohio State)- DB is a good selection for the Lions with their second first round pick. If it's me making the pick I go with Alphonso Smith from Wake Forest, but I think they would more likely go with Jenkins and play him at both CB and S.

21) PHILADELPHIA EAGLES: Chris “Beanie” Wells (RB, Ohio State)- Big bruising (but slow) running back is a good pick for the Eagles as a compliment for Brian Westbrook.

Side not: Is anyone really surprised that two OHIO STATE guys, in Wells and Jenkins, ran much slower than expected 40 times at the Combine? You know guys who played for the teams that looked like they were stuck in the mud when Florida and LSU players blazed past them in ’07 and ’08 National Championship games.

22) MINNESOTA VIKINGS: Jared Cook (TE, South Carolina)- Still like them to take a TE but this time I’m going with Jared Cook from South Carolina instead of Brandon Pettigrew. He ran 4.5 at the combine. VERY fast for a tight end. He also proved to be a smooth athlete in the drills. Cook will have to work on his blocking to be a complete NFL Tight End.

23) NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS: Sean Smith (CB, UTAH)- I think I made a shrewd selection here in my previous Mock Draft. Smith is very much a “Patriots guy” in that he is a versatile player who, at 6’3” and 214 pounds, could play both CB or S.

24) ATLANTA FALCONS: Peria Jerry (DT, Ole Miss)- Had Jerry here before and still like the Falcons to select him at pick #24. Very important for a young team to get a good interior defensive lineman.

25) MIAMI DOLPHINS: Clay Matthews (LB, USC)- Could really use a WR, but Matthew is the type of high effort, high motor player that Parcell's loves. Three USC ‘backers could go in the first round.

26) BALTIMORE RAVENS: Alphonso Smith (CB, Wake Forest) – They cut Chris McCalister earlier this year and lost Jim Leonhard and Bart Scott to free agency. Will pick a defensive player with this pick. Will most likely take the highest rated DB still in the draft. n this case Smith.

27) INDIANAPOLIS COLTS: Hakeem Nicks (WR, North Carolina)- Polished receiver to help fill the Marvin Harrison void. Could also pick a DT. Would take Peria Jerry if he fell this far.

28) PHILADELPHIA EAGLES: Michael Oher (T, Ole Miss)- It just hard to imagine a guy like still being here at this point. A good chance a team from the second round would come up to get him. If he is here to be taken, the Eagles would count their blessings.

29) NEW YORK GIANTS: Clint Sintim (LB, Virginia)- Sticking with Sintim. Hoping the G-Men resist the temptation to select…..

30) TENNESSEE TITANS: Kenny Britt (WR, Rutgers)- Very much a reach to go in the first round. But his size will entice some teams. Titans desperately need a WR (seems like this is the case every year), and would ideally get Nicks or Heyward-Bey if they were available at the 30th pick. Also, people in Nashville should be on red alert: Terrell Owens could be coming to town. No team is in more need of a playmaking WR.

31) ARIZONA CARDINALS: LeSean McCoy (RB, Pittsburgh)- Had them taking Moreno originally, but he ran too slow at the combine. UConn RB Donald Brown would be a sleeper pick for the Cardinals here as well.

32) PITTSBURGH STEELERS: Duke Robinson (G, Oklahoma)- If the Steelers don’t get some offensive line help, Big Ben is going to have a very short career. A lot of the sacks that he took came up the middle, so taking the top guard in the draft makes a lot of sense from where I’m sitting (eh hem…..my couch).

Dr. Jekyll and Ricky Fatton

2009-03-03T21:43:00.005-06:00

I am an unabashed fan of Ricky Hatton. No question about it. In the ring he is a dynamo. I love the constant pressure and constant action. I love the brawling style. Sure it might cause him to lose some fights to more technically sound boxers. For example his only career loss to Floyd Mayweather Jr. back in December 2007 (although he is addressing that by bringing Floyd Sr. into his camp). That being said, his exciting style turns the dial. I love to watch him fight. I love to watch the dude go to war.

However, if Hatton in the ring is Dr. Jekyll, than out of the ring he morphs into Mr. Hyde- or more appropriately…his nickname….Ricky Fatton.

Between fights, the 5’6” fighter who usually fights at the junior welterweight (140 pound limit), balloons up to as much as 175-180 pounds! He does this by adhering to a strict daily regime of sausage and peas washed down by a few dozen pints of Guinness. He often has to spend much of his pre-fight training camps wearing sweat gear and cutting massive amounts of weight. In many instances making weight is a major concern even come fight week.

Now Hatton is far too professional and has far too much money to lose not to make weight for his May 2 fight with Pacquio, however I am worried about his prospects for this fight and going forward.

Coming off the upset win over De La Hoya, Pacquio might be the best fighter in the world right now. To beat him you have to be on top of your game, in tip top shape, and prepared to go to war for 12 rounds. Cutting that much weight in a short period of time can definitely take a toll on your body. He’s been doing it for years, but if Ricky is fighting the scales coming into the fight, who is to say his body won’t be too drained to have anything left for Manny? At the very least it could be a distraction that could disrupt other pre-fight preparations.

And what about going forward? I want to see Hatton fight for years, but the fighters who have had the longest and most successful careers have done the opposite of Hatton between fights. They’ve trained nearly all year round in order to stay in shape, and near their fighting weight. Look at a guy like Bernard Hopkins. I’m not a huge fan, but I have to admire the way he has been obsessive about his training. He’s managed to stay relevant in boxing well into his 40’s. Even Hopkins, who fought most of his career at 160 pounds, always had the height and size to move up in weight as he did later on. At a diminutive 5’6”, Hatton is best suited at the 140 pound limit. Even a move to 147 would put him in the ring with welterweights like the Antonio Margarito’s and Paul Williams of the world-- fighters with size and length that he can’t compete with. He needs to stay at 140 to be a world class fighter, and putting on 40+ pounds in between fights is not helping this.

No matter what your opinion of Ricky Hatton is in the ring, one thing is not up for debate: Boxing needs him. In a time where boxing is losing fans to other forms of combat fighting, like MMA and cage fighting, and even some championship fights don’t even sell out, Hatton is a major draw. In fact he is probably the biggest draw in boxing. How many other fighters could bring 30,000 British fans with him to Vegas? (go ahead and let a rousing rendition of “Hatton Wonderland” fill your subconscious)? 30,000 fans came to Vegas, yet only five or six thousand actually had tickets to get inside the arena. That’s the drawing power of Hatton.

Here’s to hoping Ricky Hatton has lost the fat suit, is in camp, and is serious about preparing for his May 2nd showdown with Pacquio. Win, lose, or draw lets also hope he’s planning on a long career after that as well.

Boxing would be better for having him around for a while.

you can also view this article at: http://diamondboxing.com/newsstory.php

Or: http://www.mannypacquiao.ph/

Stock Up/ Stock Down Report

2009-03-02T21:56:00.001-06:00

Stock Up: NBC Network moving Conan O’Brian to 11:30PM-“HHHhheeeeeerrrrrrrrrreeee’ssssss Cooonnaaan!” Kudos to NBC for tabbing Conan O’Brien to replace Jay Leno in the 11:30 PM Tonight Show slot. Having long languished in relative obscurity at the insomniac 12:30 AM time slot, Conan moves to 11:30 on June 1 of this year.

You may not have noticed, but Conan has been the best late night host going for quite a while. His brand of comedy is much edgier than that of the “Superman of politically correct comedy” Jay Leno. However, Jay will be a tough act to follow. Leno has routinely played to “middle America” with his super safe comedy, gotten huge ratings, and routinely beaten David Letterman. I’m hoping Conan does well enough to stick around for a while….. I don’t think I will ever get tired of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog.

I also like Jimmy Fallon to replace Conan at 12:30 (even though he’s a Red Sox fan from Saugerties, New York)

Stock Down: NBC putting Jay Leno at 10 PM- How can you give Conan the 11:30 slot and then sabotage him by putting Leno at 10 PM? How many people are going to watch an hour talk show and then come back a half hour later (after the 11 clock news) to watch the same type of show? This is going to steal Conan’s audience as well as potential guests. Give the guy a chance at least…cmon!

Stock Up: Giants sign former University of Virginia DE Chris Canty- The Giants got much more physical and versatile along the defensive line by signing Canty during the free agency period last week. At 6-7 and 300 pounds Canty has the ability to play either defensive tackle or defensive end. His size and ability to occupy blockers will also free up Osi and Justin Tuck to get loose along the edges, and get to the quarterback. Also, don’t be surprised if Canty explodes up the middle for a few sacks of his own.
Is it me or did the Giants never bat down any throws by an opposing QB last year? With very long arms Canty will also add that much needed “shot block” ability.

At the very least, the G-Men steal a solid player away from the Cowboys….especially one of the only guys they had who hasn’t been a bombastic locker room disruption. And don’t forget the Giants won a Super Bowl two years ago by stocking up on talent at DE.

Stock Down: Jets sign LB Bart Scott- Scott is an ok signing (although they overpaid for him at 6 years and $48 million), but I would have liked to see the Jets address a need for a pass rusher.

The Jets will now have to again address this need in the draft…that is unless 2008 #6 overall pick Vernon Gholston stops looking at his muscles in the mirror and attempts to play football. Hey Jets fans….did you know Gholston made $21 Millions dollars last year for 5….count ‘em 5 total solo tackles? FIVE! If it weren’t for Kirstie Alley periodically paying a nutritionist and Donald Trump paying a hair stylist, these would be the worst spent dollars in history.

Stock Down: Manny Ramirez (with an assist from Agent Scott Boras)- So far Manny and Boras (also Arod’s agent) have turned down three offers from the Dodgers since last season ended: 2 years for $45 million, 1 year for $25 million, and 1 year for $25 Million with a $20 Million dollar player option. The last rejected offer is especially perplexing. Basically, the offer from the Dodgers entails guaranteeing Manny $25 Million for next year….then in 2010 he has the choice to a) play in LA for $20 Million at his discretion (no matter how he plays this year) or b) shop himself in the free agent market next year and see if he can find more money or a long term deal….and then if he doesn’t get it he can take the money from the Dodgers no questions asked.

Oh by the way another little wrinkle: there are no other offers out there. The only other teams that could even afford him (Yanks, Sox, Cubs, Angels, Mets, and maybe the Angels) have no interest at this point.

Boras is on record that he will hold out for 4 years and $120 Million.

In a similar vein, Sandy Koufax is holding out for Bernie Madoff to return his money, Anne Coulter is holding out for an Obama cabinet appointment, and I’m holding out on buying a monthy subway pass with the hope I can ride a Unicorn to work.

On the other hand….

Stock Up: To whatever good stuff Boras is smoking

Top 3: Most Responsible Parties for Economic Crisis

2009-02-25T22:39:00.001-06:00

Over the last few months, we’ve all been watching as the economy has made like the body of a European runway model: fed on itself and slowly disintegrated. I’ve seen and heard quite a bit in the papers and on television about the causes of this crisis and who is to blame. It appears that many blame Wall Street. I cannot totally disagree with that. Much of the proliferation of the economic downturn was caused by the investment banks and their “greed is good” philosophies; however I would not be so quick to make Wall Street such a convenient scapegoat. With an economic crisis so widespread it’s impossible for the blame to go to one group. Many are responsible for this problem, and by my estimation, the most culpable might have even lived next door to you:

3) The Clinton Administration: You remember these folks don’t you? They can hardly escape this list. Before they were caught stealing the silverware on their way out of the White House in 2000, they spent the better part of the 90’s pushing housing policies that made home ownership more affordable to lower income Americans. These policies helped create such conditions as: increased lending to people with poor credit history, borrowing with little or no down payment, adjustable rate mortgages with irresponsibly low teaser rates.

The Clinton administration pushed housing policies (with Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac as an accessory) that helped create a sector of the population that a)simply could not afford the homes they lived in or b) could only afford the homes they lived in based on favorable market and interest rate conditions (which were allowed to get to recklessly low levels under Alan Greenspan). This faction of homeowners might as well have acted as the pin that eventually popped the housing bubble.

2) Wall Street: If you think of the economic crisis as a breakout of poison ivy, Wall Street’s influence would not be involved in the initial infection, but rather the scratching that makes it ten times worse. Investment banks, hedge funds, brokerage houses, and most all financial institutions were guilty of not seeing the inherent risks in betting the house in financial instruments tied to the housing market.

Individual home mortgages do not exist in vacuums. They are often sold off and packaged into securitized and collateralized bundles that can be bought and sold in the markets. A bundle might include thousands of individual mortgages. Without going into too much detail here, the common wisdom was that an individual mortgage is riskier than a package of them. Basically, because your exposure to delinquent payments is mitigated averaged out many mortgages. Agencies that rate financial instruments failed to see the danger of the interconnectedness of the housing market (a potential wide-spread reason/cause that would have mortgages going bad) and rated the mortgage packages based on historical mortgage repayment levels. They were given high ratings. Many even as high as AAA.

Even though they were rated as high as AAA, these mortgage securities often “paid off” slightly higher most AAA securities. Historically Wall Street smells a potential arbitrage like this like a shark smells blood in the water. They threw huge sums of money at the opportunity to make small percentage points on a single trade. It was not uncommon to risk something like $1 Billion, on a securitized mortgage related trade, with the hopes of making like $10 million….which sounds like a lot, until you realize that’s only 1%.

When the housing market started to fail these financial instruments failed, these banks were left open to hundreds of billions of dollars worth of exposure. Moreover, each Wall Street firm is/was so heavily invested in the other banks and funds, as one failed they all failed….like a house of cards.

1) Your friends and FORMER neighbors: Conventional wisdom had once held that the housing market would always go up and was an impregnable investment. However, blood-letting was also once conventional wisdom as well.

People bought houses that were way out of their means. Don’t want to stomp on the American dream, but it’s very simple: people with bad credit and 30K yearly income should not own $3 million dollar homes. What’s more people knew that they couldn’t afford these homes, but because of the low “teaser” rate mortgages and nearly zero-down loans they were allowed to enter in mortgages. The thinking was, “Well, I can afford the mortgage payments for right now….when the rates go up and I can’t make the payments anymore I’ll just sell the house. By that time it will have appreciated in value and I’ll just make ten grand or so off the difference. No harm no foul.”

Little thing happened on the way to the bank: the housing market back-tracked. The impregnable investment became pregnable. People failed on their mortgage payments and sold their homes at a loss (if they were able to sell at all). This happened at widespread levels and (with aforementioned help of financial institutions) permeated the entire economy.

Lack of controls in the credit market was a problem….super low interest rates didn’t help…politicians grandstanding for more home ownership wasn’t the greatest either….but individual people should have been more responsible in buying homes and entering into mortgages that they could reasonably afford.

Oscar Predictions

2009-02-22T18:45:00.003-06:00

You’re most likely reading this Monday morning, but I wanted to make sure I got this up before tonight’s Academy Awards Show. That way you can grade my predictions.

Most year’s I don’t really have a take on who should win an Oscar and why, however this year I am very interested in making predictions for one reason: I haven’t seen most of the nominated movies. Most years I’ve seen nearly all the movies nominated in the relevant categories, had an idea about who should win an award, and then been completely baffled when they gave another one of those statues to some “Judi Dench type“ (more on this latter).

Now some of you might be thinking: “Isn’t it ridiculous to make predictions on movies and actor/actresses performances when you haven’t seen them?” How silly of you to think that matters. I would contend that in the years that I saw all the films I was TOO informed, and therefore too biased to actually predict winners. From what I can tell, the Academy voters aren’t identifying the best movies and best performances, but rather trying to show you how progressive and informed they are about “the art of film”. Think of them as an art critic looking at you cross-eyed because you think an abstract painting looks like crap.

With all that said I’m going to use ridiculous backdoor logic and reasoning to predict winners and losers. I promise to use as little information about the performances from the movies I have actually seen as possible. Lets see how close I get.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS NOMINEES:

Amy Adams (Doubt)
Penelope Cruz (Vicky Cristina Barcelona)
Viola Davis (Doubt)
Taraji P. Henson (The Curious Case of Benjamin Button)
Maria Tomei (The Wrestler)

I’ve actually seen The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, but so have a lot of other people. Too many in fact for Henson to win this award. I haven’t seen any of the other movies represented in this category. I wanted to see The Wrestler, but it has only been playing in small art-house theatres and hasn’t gotten a full release yet (probably to give the film some mystery so its actors can win awards). Tomei can’t win because she already won a best supporting actress award she shouldn’t have (My Cousin Vinny) and won’t be given another one. Really this category comes down to Viola Davis and Cruz. Viola Davis has a chance to win because I’ve heard she has a VERY small role in Doubt, and the academy has some history of giving awards to actresses who have small and “impactful” roles (Judi Dench won and award for 7 minutes in Shakespeare in Love!). However, I’m going to give this award to Penelope Cruz because she is nominated for a Woody Allen movie. Oscar votes love for people to think that they get Woody Allen movies. By giving her an award there is also a chance that Woody will be in attendance. People just want to publicly view Woody, and want to see his reaction when she thanks him in her acceptance speech. Also, I heard she does her role in Spanish. Doesn’t make it a better performance, but it does increase her chances of winning.

WINNER: Penelope Cruz

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR NOMINEES:

Josh Brolin (Milk)
Heath Ledger (The Dark Knight)
Robert Downey Jr. (Tropic Thunder)
Philip Seymour Hoffman (Doubt)
Michael Shannon (Revolutionary Road)

These actors are nominated in this category for various reasons. Robert Downey Jr. because he had a “comback” year and the Academy LOVES a comeback story (more on that later). They also want to show the public that they have a sense of humor by nominating him for role in a movie likeTropic Thunder. Hoffman, who I actually like a lot, gets nominated every time he is in a movie about a serious topic (as he is in Doubt). So that’s why he’s in here. I haven’t seen Revolutionary Road (and have exactly zero interst) but heard Michael Shannon plays a partially mentally-handicapped individual. That’s worth a nomination because he (to quote Downey’s character in Tropic Thunder) “didn’t go full retard. People can’t identify with full retard.”

Oh and by the way, if you didn't know, Ledger wins this category by a landslide. I’ve seen Dark Knight, and his performance is inspired,transcendent, and deserves an Academy Award….but that’s not why he wins here. Most years he would not have gotten this nomination because he was in a comic book movie. Usually too low brow for the Academy. However, this year he had an ace up his sleeve…..he died. It’s not like he can win next year. Sympathy is a powerful thing. Enough so that the Oscar voters do the right thing here and inadvertantly award the best performance in this category.

WINNER: Heath Ledger

BEST DIRECTOR NOMINEES:

Danny Boyle (Slumdog Millionare)
David Fincher (The Curious Case of Benjamin Button)
Ron Howard (Frost/Nixon)
Stephan Daltry (The Reader)
Gus van Sant (Milk)

How presumptuous is this category? How is anyone supposed to know who the best director was if……you weren’t on the movie set everyday! To me that’s akin to people making Joe Torre the Manager of the Year a bunch of times, when all the voters ever saw him do was pick sunflower seeds out of his teeth. As far as predicting a winner,...sorry Ron Howard but you have no chance to win. You're too famous. Usually famous directors get hosed, because its not fun to pick them. It's like picking all #1 seeds in NCAA basketball office pool. Most famous director in the group wins like once every ten years.

I’m going to go with Danny Boyle, because 1) I don’t know who he is and 2) I’ll bet Slumdog Millionare wins best picture and the movie didn’t have any name actors. So his perceived role was so much greater. Plus its just so neat and clean to package those two awards together.

WINNER: Danny Boyle

BEST ACTOR NOMINEES:

Richard Jenkins (The Visitor)
Frank Langella (Frost/Nixon)
Sean Penn (Milk)
Brad Pitt (The Curious Case of Benjamin Button)
Mickey Rourke (The Wrestler)

Like I said, I’ve seen The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. It was pretty good, maybe a 3 star movie, but not nearly as deserving of all the nominations it has gotten. One of the nominations that it didn’t deserve is this one. In my mind Pitt and Angelina Jolie (nominated for best actress) are nominated so as to ensure they will attend the ceremony together. Any time they are both on tv, the ratings basically double.People just like to view them. I’m also going to make a prediction within a prediction: Some time in the next 12 months Pitt will get tired of living with half the third world and dump Angie and all those kids he “loves”. I’d bet a million dollars on it.

In most years, Penn would win this award because he was “daring” enough as a heterosexual actor to play a homosexual role. Is his performance really that great in Milk? I dunno…. haven’t seen it. But that hardly matters.

Rourke wins this category in a landslide because, as previously mentioned, people love a comeback story. I ask you this: how much of this movie was really acting? Rourke is an over the hill broken man hanging on to past glory who plays: an over the hill broken man hanging on to past glory. The only real acting you might see out of Rourke is if he cries during the acceptance speech. The Oscar people would love that.

WINNER: Mickey Rourke

BEST ACTRESS NOMINEES:

Anne Hathaway (Rachel Getting Married)
Angelina Jolie (Changeling)
Melissa Leo (Frozen River)
Meryl Streep (Doubt)
Kate Winslet (The Reader)

This is a fun category to predict. First off, I haven’t seen any of these movies. Not one. (so I am completely unburdened by the actual acting performances). Also, Frozen River I have never even heard of. Seriously, someone prove to me it actually exists. I bet you can't.

Secondly, I think a few different schools of thought are at play here. On the one hand, you have Meryl Streep, this years requisite “Judi Dench type”. By that I mean an older actress that has an impressive body of work whose EVERY performances is lauded, celebrated, and then nominated. She would normally win this category going away, however this year she is up against a juggernaut. She has to contend with: the hole in Kate Winslet’s resume, her British accent, and her naked butt. Let me explain.

Kate Winslet has been nominated for 5 other Academy Awards and won zero! That’s important for the sympathy factor, and Oscar voters will be looking to give her the benefit of the doubt.

Also, although I have not nor will I ever actually see The Reader, I hear that Kate Winslet does a fair number of nude scenes in the flick. Don’t underestimate the power of nudity. When a woman actress does “tasteful and artistic nudity” people view it as a “daring” move. She'a pro at this too. She managed to score a nomination for Titanic basically for dropping trough.

Another reason she’s going to win: women generally like her. They like her because she’s good looking, but not so good looking that they can’t relate to her. This is the same reason Reese Witherspoon gets $20 Million a picture and a six-foot former model like Charlize Theron only gets like $5 million and often has trouble finding work. Its very important to garner the sympathy of women because 80% of them in this country will be tuned in to the Oscar’s show. Therefore Winslet = ratings.

Also, be on the lookout for Winslet pretending to be shocked and overwhelmed by winning then feigning a loss of composure.

I think they call that acting.

WINNER: KATE WINSLET

BEST PICTURE NOMINEES:

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Frost/Nixon
Milk
The Reader
Slumdog Millionaire

I don’t know about you, but the best film I saw this year was The Dark Knight. It was a complete film with a terrific and complex story, great characterizations, great performances (Bale, Ledger, and the underrated Aaron Eckhart as Harvey Dent), great action, great effects, and perfect ending. Unfortunately, the Academy is not quite ready to nominate a comic book movie for its highest honor.

Among the nominated movies I’d say Slumdog Millionaire has to win.

Why? Because it’s was the best movie (not named The Dark Knight) made this year and the most deserving? Maybe, but that’s not why I’m picking it to win. I’m picking it because if Slumdog in an underdog of sorts. Independent film with a small budget up against, among other things, Brad Pitt and his square jaw. People like that. Makes them feel good. Also best picture is handed out as the last award of the evening. If it doesn’t win people will be unhappy and left with a bad taste in their mouths. Hey you got to give the people what they want.

WINNER: SLUMDOG MILLIONARE

MAILBAG #5

2009-02-19T23:15:00.002-06:00

Q: What are you’re thoughts on the woman who had the eight babies?

-LR
-Colorado Springs, CO

DG: You mean “Octo-mom”. The more details I hear about this woman the more disturbing this story gets. I’ve seen this woman in interviews, and she clearly has that crazy look in her eyes. Also, I was watching a “legitimate” news program the other day and they flashed a picture of “Octo-mom” eight months pregnant….by FAR the scariest picture I have ever seen in my life. I haven’t slept a full night since then.

I suppose there would be a slim chance this “having eight babies at once” thing might be a cute story if any of the following were true: A) This was even close to a natural occurrence B) She didn’t already have six toddlers all conceived through in-vitro fertilization C) She wasn’t having babies as a “cash business” directly (from government aid) and indirectly (through publicity) D) Her major purchases of last year weren’t a nose job, collagen lip injections, and jet black hair-dye…. all in an effort to transform herself into Angelina Jolie (really not unlike Buffalo Bill trying to transform himself into a woman in Silence of the Lambs) Oh and by the way, if you’re reading this you helped fund her plastic surgery: all paid for with government subsistence aid funded with tax money.

Another important question that needs to be asked: What kind of doctor implants a woman with eight fetuses? Especially in a woman who already has six kids and is clearly mentally unbalanced. This doctor no doubt saw dollar signs when "Octo-mom" walked through his door, and took full advantage of it. I cannot imagine a more clear-cut case of malpractice. I think this guy would make a perfect cellmate for Bernie Madoff.

Another thought: Any chance she at least got a discount for buying in bulk? Come on, in this economy, she would have been crazy to pay the same for fetus #1 as fetus #8. Especially since she had the ultimate ace up her sleeve: she could always have threatened to take her business elsewhere the next time.

Q: What is the dumbest thing you have ever done?

-YL
New Jersey

DG: Typical procedure for drinking Tropicana carton orange juice:

1) Shake
2) Peel open at tabs
3) drink

What I did mindlessly while answering the phone and checking emails about a year ago at work (an open trading floor of roughly 500 people):

1) Peel open at tabs
2) Shook vigorously
3) toweled off

Q: What do you think about Obama’s first 30 Days in office?

-Charles
New York, NY

DG: I think its often tough to grade a President on a small sample size, and it’s really tough to have any sort of perspective this early on. Also, I’m rooting for the guy to succeed because if he doesn’t we all have to deal with the consequences. Having said that, I have a couple of critiques thus far (in no particular order):

1) Appointing Hilary Clinton as Secretary of State: For starters, I wouldn’t appoint a woman with no foreign policy or foreign relations experience to be…basically the United States Ambassador to the world. Moreover, I don’t exactly envision a scenario where the leaders of North Korea and Cuba are sitting across the negotiating tables from Hilary C. quaking in their boo-….wait, did you hear that? I’m pretty sure that far off sound is Vladimir Putin and his top advisors cracking open yet another bottle of vodka in celebration of the Hilary appointment.

I should also admit I find Ms. Clinton a little unsettling on a more superficial level as well. There is something innately disconcerting about a person who has botox strategically injected in her face, in order to form… what can only be described as…. the makings of very primitive smile. I’m willing to guess I’m not alone in this sentiment.

2) Stimulus Package: When the economy eventually rights itself, the main driver will be consumer confidence. Obama’s Economic Stimulus Package was always destined to be a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts. If the public had bought into it, it would serve to boost the economy. If the public rejected it, it would not help (possibly even further stifle) the markets. Even before the bill was signed, polls had shown that it was not well received in the court of public opinion, therefore making it destined to fail. I’m not even a little surprised the market sold-off 300 points when the President put his signature on this bill, and see it doing little good from here on out.

3) Not properly vetting Timothy Geithner: I have no problem targeting this guy to be Secretary of the Treasury. Based on his career accomplishments he would seem to be a good fit for the job. However, with the economy in the proverbial “dumper”, you want to make sure to do your homework and properly vet the guy who is going to be in charge of monetary policy in this country. At the very least to ensure you don’t find yourself in a public relations nightmare. A couple of things I expect in my life: a butcher who isn’t a vegetarian, a garbage man who doesn’t litter, a dentist with a full set of chompers, and a TREASURY SECRETARY WHO PAYS HIS TAXES!

First Round NFL MOCK DRAFT

2009-02-18T20:24:00.007-06:00

As promised I give you my take on the first round of the NFL draft. This is just a guess as to what direction some teams will go. Also teams will trade in and out of draft positions, but for this exercise I also assumed that team will pick in their allotted spot. Enjoy.

FIRST ROUND MOCK DRAFT:

1) DETROIT LIONS: Matthew Stafford (QB, Georgia) – I don’t really think this is a good pick, but I think this is the way the LIONS are leaning. I’d like to see a team coming off an 0-16 season, with so many needs, build from the inside out. A solid left tackle prospect, like Andre Smith out of Alabama, would make sense here. Having said that Stafford is my favorite QB coming out and has a HUGE arm.

2) St. LOUIS RAMS: Andre Smith (T, Alabama)- St. Louis picks #2 for the second year in a row. They have been looking for a good long-term replacement for Orlando Pace at left tackle the last couple of years. They would have taken Jake Long a year ago had he fallen to the second pick. Smith is a safe pick that makes sense for them here.

3) KANSAS CITY CHIEFS: Aaron Curry (LB, Wake Forest)- A lot of mock drafts will have QB Mark Sanchez here, but KC just hired Scott Pioli as their new GM. He comes from New England and the Bill Belichick school where they make smart, conservative draft picks. They will not use a first round pick on a QB (and an underclassman at that), and will most likely fill a major need at OLB with Curry.

4)SEATTLE SEAHAWKS: Michael Crabtree (WR, Texas Tech)- Most talented player in this whole draft. Perfect match of need and player. I believe Crabtee will be a Larry Fitzgerald-type player down the line and there is a good chance he ends up having the best career of any player in this draft.

5) CLEVLAND BROWNS: Brian Orakpo (DE, Texas)- New coach Eric Mangini will probably want to run the 3-4 defense and be looking for someone to in that jumbo OLB/DE mold. I think Orakpo will put up ridiculous numbers at the combine and beat out Everette Brown for the number one DE spot. CB is another consideration here. Local product Malcolm Jenkins from Ohio State could be a consideration.

6) CINCINNATI BENGALS: Eugene Monroe (T, Virginia)- Another team with a ton of needs. Monroe could go at #2 to the Rams, and the Bengals would be lucky to get such a solid tackle here (although he could start his career on the right due to Stacy Andrews on the left side). Running back is another thought with local product Beanie Wells out there.

7)OAKLAND RAIDERS: B.J Raji (DT, Boston College)- No one, including the Raiders, have any idea what they are going to do. Al Davis has a history of making wild, reaching, poor value picks (like kicker Sebastian Janikowski in the first round in 2000). Also, no player really wants play in Oaklan. They will take Crabtree if he falls here, because WR is a need, but if they happen to go with a defensive lineman Raji is beast, and a good value here.

8) JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS: Jason Smith (T, Baylor)- With the recent release of Fred Taylor ,the Jags have a need at RB, WR, and TACKLE. Jeremy Maclin is a possibility at WR here, but I think Smith from Baylor is a really good value with the potential to be a Pro-Bowler.

9)GREEN BAY PACKERS: Vontae Davis (C, Illinois)- Corners Al Harris and Charles Woodson are getting older and slower, they need a youth/speed infusion. Davis would provide both.

10) SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS: Mark Sanchez (QB, USC) - The 49ers will sign a veteran QB during the offseason (probably someone like Jeff Garcia) to compete with Shaun Hill for the starting spot. Sanchez will be in a perfect situation to sit for at least a year and learn.

11) BUFFALO BILLS: Everette Brown (DE, Florida State) - I like them to take a DE or a TE in this spot. Since Brian Orakpo is off my board in this mock draft, I think they will go with the next best DE.

12) DENVER BRONCOS: Rey Maualuga (LB, USC) -The Broncos just hired defensive coordinator Mike Nolan who will look to install a 3-4 defensive front, and Denver will have to draft players accordingly. If Raji is here he is a no-brainer pick to play nose tackle. Since he is gone in this scenario they’ll go for a big linebacker Maualuga to play the outside backer spot.

13) WASHINGTON REDSKINS: Aaron Maybin (DE, Penn State)- A player whose upside far exceeds on the field production at this point, but DE is a big time need for the ‘Skins.

14) NEW ORLEANS SAINTS: Brian Cushing (LB, USC)- All signs point to the Saints taking a linebacker here. They have Jonathan Vilma to play the inside, so Cushing would be a perfect pick for the outside.

15) HOUSTON TEXANS: Larry English (DE, Northern Illinois) - Don’t be surprised if the Texans trade up to get one of the three defensive ends (Orakpo, Brown, or Maybin) to play opposite Mario Williams. If they have to pick here they could take English who will likely be the next highest rated DE but he would be a bit of a reach at pick#15.

16) SAN DIEGO CHARGERS: Jeremy Maclin (WR, Missouri)- Good team that can afford to make a bit of a luxury pick with this selection. Can you imagine how explosive this team will be on third down with Darren Sproles and Maclin on the field at the same time?

17) NEW YORK JETS: Malcolm Jenkins (CB, Ohio State) - No other QB in this year’s draft will warrant a first round pick. If the Jets take Josh Freeman out of K-State here they will be making a big mistake. Most glaring need is at corner. Malcolm Jenkins is big and physical at 6’1 200 pounds, and could form a formidable tandem with Darrell Revis playing the other side. Jets would LOVE to see him still available this late in the first round.

18) CHICAGO BEARS: Percy Harvin (WR, Florida) - Game changing WR who should impress in his individual workouts and move up from being considered a late first round possibility to a good value with the 18th selection.

19) TAMPA BAY BUCS: Darious Heyward-Bey (WR, Maryland) - Run on WR’s continues. Could also take Hakeen Nicks or trade up to get Maclin or Harvin, but Heyward-Bey is a good value here and offers them a legit downfield threat to succeed Joey Galloway (who they may cut during training camp).

20) DETROIT LIONS: Alphonso Smith (CB, Wake Forest) - Second of two first round picks for the Lions. I think they will take the best corner available. In this case I think it' Smith. He is a bit undersized at 5'9", but has very refined coverage skills.

21) PHILADELPHIA EAGLES: “Beanie” Wells (RB, Ohio State) - Dear Andy Reid:
If you do not select a RB here to compliment Brian Westbrook, Eagles fans will ROAST YOU with a little red apple in your mouth! I mean that literally. People in Philly are nuts.

22) MINNESOTA VIKINGS: Brandon Pettigrew (TE, Oklahoma State) - Best TE in this year’s draft, and a good value late in the first round. Gives whomever is the QB a big red zone target.

23) NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS: Sean Smith (CB, UTAH) - Known for picking smart, versatile football players. At 6’3 and 215 pounds, Smith fits that mold as he could play corner or either safety spot.

24) ATLANTA FALCONS: Peria Jerry (DT, Ole Miss) - Although a bit undersized for a DT, carries a late-first round grade after impressing at the Senior Bowl.

25) MIAMI DOLPHINS: James Laurinaitis (LB, Ohio State) - A linebacker that can play the inside backer spot and go sideline to sideline is a need for the ‘Fins. I’m not big on Laurinaitis but I think he could go here to Miami.

26) BALTIMORE RAVENS: D.J. Moore (CB, Vanderbilt) – They just cut Chris McCalister, and will target a corner in this year’s first round. Might also trade up to get a Vontae Davis.

27) INDIANAPOLIS COLTS: Sen'Derrick Marks (DT, Auburn) - Desperately need a DT, and may trade up to assure they get Peria Jerry. If they pick a DT here, look for them to take Marks, the type of quick undersized player the Colts covet.

28) PHILADELPHIA EAGLES: Michael Oher (T, Ole Miss) - Great chance this guy will be long gone by pick #28 to a team moving up from the second round to get him. Eagles would be thrilled to get Oher here.

29) NEW YORK GIANTS: Clint Sintim (LB, Virginia) - Big athletic linebacker to play the outside edge. Clay Matthew from USC would be another option, but he isn’t quite the athlete Sintim is and doesn’t have nearly the upside. Depending on what happens with Plaxico Burress, the Giants might also think about a big WR here. An option might be 6’4” Kenny Britt from Rutgers, but I think he would be a reach for round 1.

30) TENNESSEE TITANS: Hakeem Nicks (WR, North Carolina) - Would really love for Harvin, Heyward-Bey, or Nicks to fall to them here because WR is a big-time need.

31) ARIZONA CARDINALS: Knowshon Moreno (RB, Georgia) - Need a RB to replace Edgerrin James. This pick could also be LeSean McCoy out of Pittsburgh if Moreno runs a slow 40 time (which I expect he will).

32) PITTSBURGH STEELERS: Duke Robinson (G, Oklahoma) - Offensive line was a soft spot for the Steelers, even in a Super Bowl year. They will look to shore up the interior of their line and take a guard or center with this pick. I would go with Robinson, the best G in this year’s draft. Another thought would be a SS to compliment Troy Polamalu. William Moore from Missouri has seen his stock slip in recent weeks but might be a good pick here.

25 Best Sports Movie of All Time

2009-02-16T08:57:00.007-06:00

“Greatest sports movies” is one of my all-time favorite barstool debates. Really any conversation boils down to criteria. What makes something a great sports movie? In compiling my list I accepted all applicants: dramas, comedies, documentaries, etc. I also asked myself a number of qualifying/disqualifying questions: Is the movie really about sports? (a simple yet very important factor. Even if it’s a fringe sport the movie has to be ABOUT a sport, and cannot simply have sports in it. Goldfinger and Finding Forrester have sports in them, but aren’t sports movies. I also tried like hell to justify putting Best in Show on this list but I just couldn’t make a case for it) How are the action scenes? (The actors have to be at least somewhat believable when they are playing athletes. This is where Tim Robbins almost disqualified Bull Durham and Charlie Sheen DID sink Major League). Does the film stand the test of time? Is it well acted? How is the overall story irrespective of the sports scenes? I also considered a films “intangibles”. This factor includes but is not exclusive to this scenario: It’s 2AM and I’ve just gotten home from the bar. I turn the television on and a given sports movie is half-way thru. What are the chances I stay up the extra hour to watch the end of the movie? (I loved Million Dollar Baby but I’m sorry, not staying up an extra hour to watch Hilary Swank try to swallow her tongue. Once was enough).

Without any further ado, the list:

25. Cinderella Man (2005) – The story and pacing are predictable, Rene Zellweger as Jim Braddock’s wife is the ultimate wet blanket, and the Max Baer role is littler more than a caricature…however this film makes the list on the strength of Russell Crowe’s turn as Jim Braddock. He looked and sounded every bit the part of a down and out Depression-era Jersey fighter. Seriously, I’ve met guys from Hoboken with less believable Jersey accents than Crowe. Terrific individual performance.

24. Greatest Game Ever Played (2005)- Unknown movie but has the best raw story on this list. True story: in 1913 a 20 year old unknown caddy named Francis Quimet won the US OPEN in a playoff against the two greatest golfers in the world.

23. Pumping Iron (1977)- Documentary that shed light on subculture of body building. Only makes this list because the main subject went from being a dirt-poor Eastern-European immigrant, to Mr. Olympia, to the Terminator, to the Governor of California. Wouldn’t you have liked to buy some Arnold stock back in 1977?

22. The Rookie (2002)- Little corny and little predictable (hey it is a Disney movie), but its well acted and the role fit Dennis Quaid.

21. 61* (2001) - Longtime Yankee fan Billy Crystal’s greatest turn was behind the camera in this HBO movie he produced and directed. He got every detail right. Barry Peper looked like Roger Maris. Thomas Jane WAS Mickey Mantle. He made old Tiger Stadium look like Yankee Stadium from 1961.

20. Pride of the Yankees (1942) – “Today….I consider myself….the luckiest man….on the face of the earth.”

19. Slapshot (1977) – Does it bother anyone else that Paul Newman isn’t around anymore?

18. Talladega Nights (2006)- Highest rated film in terms of the “intangible” factor. I’ll never get tired of watching this movie. It’s the gift that keeps on giving. Every time I watch it I pick up some subtle line that I missed previously. Not sure how Ricky Bobby would view being 18th on this list however, seeing that “If you’re not first you last.”

17. Tin Cup (1996)- The “Bull Durham” of golf movies. Looses points with “O Cmon!” moments. The wooden driver with the metal driver sound effect….O Cmon! The 3-wood shot on the last hole that hangs in the air for 15 seconds and then SPINS back into the water…O Cmon!!!

16. Riding Giants (2004)- Documentary about big wave surfing. Amazing visuals. You could watch this flick with the sound off.

15. Jerry Maguire (1996)- This film is humming along like a top 10 all-timer in the first hour, until a sappy Tom Cruise romantic movie breaks out in the second half (Thanks Cameron Crowe) Question….in 1996 was there a 22 year old Terrell Owens watching this movie somewhere taking the Rod Tidwell character a little too seriously?

14. Bang the Drum Slowly (1973)- An unknown Robert De Niro before he was typecast. This movie is 1 and 1A with Brian’s Song for movies with “man-cry” moments

13. Millon Dollar Baby (2004)- Clint Eastwood, Morgan Freeman, and Hilary Swank. Brilliantly acted movie that should warrant loftier positing on this list, but as stated earlier, it’s strictly a one time viewing for this movie.

12. Bull Durham (1988)- I don’t like this movie as much as most. Tim Robbins is at best laughable as a fire-ball hurler, and Susan Sarandon just doesn’t do it for me. But this movie does seem to capture the collective psyche that makes baseball players….well baseball players.

11. Heaven Can Wait (1978)- Can we please move the Rams back to Los Angeles?

10. Friday Night Lights (2004) – Is it melodramatic? Yes. Is it overly sensational in parts? Yes. But does it perfectly capture a fascinating culture in West Texas that glorifies high school football and venerates 18 year olds kids? Absolutely.

9. Caddyshack (1980)- I cannot remember the last time I played or watched golf that I didn’t quote this movie. It doesn’t even have to be golf. I “Noonan” David Ortiz every at bat.

8. Raging Bull (1980)- This black and white film is more of an art house flick than a sports movie and more impressive than enjoyable. The portrayal of Jake Lamotta by De Niro is total transformation.

7. Hoop Dreams (1994)- A documentary shot over 5 years following two inner-city black high school students in Chicago and their dreams of becoming professional basketball players. Way more real than any reality tv will ever be. You watch this film rooting for the two kids to make it, yet fully aware that the writing on the wall says they probably will not.

6. Rudy (1993)- “You're 5 foot nothin', 100 and nothin', and you have barely a speck of athletic ability. And you hung in there with the best college football players in the land for 2 years. And you're gonna walk outta here with a degree from the University of Notre Dame. In this life, you don't have to prove nothin' to nobody but yourself.”

Admit to yourself you’ve cried when he runs onto the field at the end? Yeah I know.

5.Rocky (1976)- The real Rocky story was behind the camera. Sly Stallone wrote, directed, and starred in this Best Picture Winner from 1976. He also personally funded the movie almost down to his last dollar. Stallone built up goodwill with Rocky and then went about trying to give it all back over the next 30+ years (Stop! Or my Mom Will Shoot, Over the Top, Rocky V, Cliffhanger, Driven, Get Carter, Cop Land….and this is just to name a few!)

4. The Natural (1984)- The story has a few holes (“Where did you go for all those years?....I just went away for a while”) and maybe its a little bit of an idolatry piece to Robert Redford. But Redford looks completely comfortable with the bat in his hands (he was a scholarship baseball player at the University of Colorado), Robert Duvall plays the perfect newspaper man, and dammit in Little League I drew a “Wonderboy” lightning bolt on my aluminum bat.

3. Hoosiers (1986)- A very good movie and terrific underdog story that has been a little over-hyped through the years and ends up being #1 on a lot of sports movie lists. Quick question: with Dennis Hopper in this movie….what are the chances the producers handed him a bottle of gin, let him loose in rural Indiana, and just simply followed him around with hidden cameras?

2. When We Were Kings (1996)- Documentary film about the lead up to Ali and Foreman’s 1974 "Rumble in the Jungle" in Zaire. Shows Muhammad Ali at the height of his pied-piper-like power captivating the entire nation of Zaire without even speaking the language. Then at the height of his ring power using the ‘rope-a-dope’ strategy to beat Foreman.

1. Field of Dreams (1989)- It’s got everything. It’s got a great story, terrific acting down to the smallest roles, Burt Lancaster, "Shoeless" Joe and "Moonlight" Graham, James Earl Jones’s deep baritone, Kevin Costner at his peak, its got Iowa, corn, and a touch of the supernatural, and most importantly it’s got “baseball Ray….America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It has been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game: it's a part of our past, Ray. It reminds of us of all that once was good and it could be again. Oh... people will come Ray. People will most definitely come.”

Mailbag #4

2009-02-12T23:50:00.000-06:00

Q: How come you haven't written anything about Chris Brown and Rihanna?

Melissa
-Staten Island, NY

DG: I thought about putting my take in the Grammy Review, but pulled it last minute. There were two reasons: 1) I thought it might be a little heavy in terms of subject matter 2) Perez pulled a real diva move on me and didn't call back with all the relevant details. Therefore, I couldn't run it come press time (press time = 10 AM when I'm on the couch with bed-head eating fruit loops).

But since you asked, I do have a few thoughts. Assuming all I'm reading in the papers is true, this is pretty messy stuff. For a man to strike a woman is absolutely despicable. No question. Nothing she could have done would justify his behavior. Not even if she sucker punched him, with a closed fist, from point blank in a confined space (think back of a taxi cab)…..on his birthday. You just hope she’s ok.

Having said that, people’s next thoughts are: how does this affect their careers? I would think that Rihanna’s career should not be affected negatively by this incident at all. If anything, having been through this type of adversity might make her more popular with the public. Think Tina Turner.

As far as his career….you’re going to have flush that sucker twice to get the stink out. This guy might as well be radioactive now. What’s worse career suicide than beating up your famous singer gf? There are so many others things you can do to screw up that the public will eventually forgive you for. How many stars have had a drug problem, DUI, backed into paparazzi with their cars, or done other bizarre things, and later been pardoned in the court of public opinion? Robert Downey Jr. once got so drugged up he took a cab to the wrong house and fell asleep naked in it. Right now he’s everyone’s darling. For god’s sake R.Kelly has been caught taping himself urinating….. URINATING on girls like a million times and people still really dig him for some reason (seriously take a moment and let that wash over you….gross… sorry bad pun).

Picture this….lets say your Chris Brown, and you’re standing in a room with half a dozen or so doors. Behind each door is a personal mishap that will negatively affect your career. Maybe behind Door #1 is a DUI, Door #2 is walking off the stage at SNL like Ashlee Simpson, Door #3 is…I dunno….a sextape, and so on down the line. Do you know where the door for “beating your superstar singer gf in a rented Lamborghini after a Clive Davis Grammy party” is located? Underneath you…because it’s a trapdoor.

Goodbye Chris Brown. Enjoy county lock-up.

Q: This year is the best season of Friday Night Lights ever!

Anonymous
-New York

DG: I’ve got to say I’m pretty partial to the first season, but last Friday’s episode was probably the best individual episode I’ve seen on network TV all year. My favorite episode of all-time, however, is still the end of the first season. This is the one where Coach Taylor pulls a Tom Osborne and goes for two to win the State Championship….with the TMU QB coach job speculation in the air…..and because the show is not your run of the mill “cookie-cutter show” you honesty have no idea if they are going to make it or not.

Also, does anyone else want Coach Taylor to be their coach? How good are some of his speeches? I would run through a wall for that guy.

Q: With spring training right around the corner, who does DG like as early division winners this season?

Charlie
-Tempe, AZ

DG: At some point I really want to give this a full write up. For now I think if I go too far into it I’m going to loose my entire female audience to Perez Hilton. Without picking wildcard teams, here’s a quick prediction for now:

NL EAST: NY METS - sorry Philly fans but don’t expect 16 wins from Jamie Moyer. I think this is the year he finally gets old.

NL CENTRAL: CUBS – overall pitching is too good not to win 90 games, however I think 85 would win this division.

NL WEST: DODGERS – I make this pick assuming they get Manny signed up. I figure he’ll pull a Michael Strahan and come back right after spring training is over.

AL WEST: OAKLAND – I might have a bigger man crush on Billy Beane then the Bob’s in Office Space have on Michael Bolton. What he does year in and year out with a miniscule payroll is amazing. If you have not read Moneyball do yourself a favor and pick it up. Team with the most wins since 2000: the Yanks…team with the second most wins: Oakland.

AL CENTRAL: DETROIT: Last year, only one team consistently scored more runs than the Tigers: whatever team was in the opposing dugout. This year, I think they get enough pitching help to win this division. By the way, baseball reference lists Miguel Cabrera at 185 pounds. Does anyone think they might be undercutting that by at least 80 pounds? If you throw the sport out the window and allow me to pick my “All-Fat” team I put C.C. Sabathia and LenDale White on it straight away….and I think Cabrera is my third pick..... followed by Eddy Curry and Sebastian Janikowski.

AL EAST: YANKEES: $200 million dollar payroll and a new multi-billion dollar stadium have got to buy you something right? If all else fails they can just buy the entire Rays roster at the trade deadline.

College Basketball Update

2009-02-12T12:01:00.002-06:00

Some questions answered last night:

- UConn passed a major test last night. Not only did they rack up another quality win against an NCAA Tournament caliber opponent (Syracuse), but they also answered some questions about their biggest weakness. The Huskies were able to beat a team that excels at playing a 2-3 zone defense. The book on the Huskies had been that they aren’t able to knock down outside shots, and you play zone defense to force them outside and make them shoot three pointers. This also allows a defense to play recover and help defense on UConn’s bangers 7-3 Hasheem Thabeet and Jeff Adrien. Anytime, as they did last night, where the UConn guards make enough outside shots to keep a defense honest the Huskies will be tough to beat. In fact, if the season ended today I would call them the number one overall seed.

-The UNC/DUKE game from last night helped reiterate a few of the points from my Mid-Season Report. Ty Lawson is the fastest player in the nation end to end and really makes that team go. No player in the country is of more value to his team then Lawson is to the Tar Heels. Not only is he able to score on the fast break, but when he pushes the ball up the court he gets the other players easy shots. It’s simple yet overlooked: closer shots to the basket make teams more efficient….which is a perfect segway into my point about the Blue Devils. Like I had stated in a previous entry, the Dookies live and die too much by the three point basket. They shot 67% from behind the arc in the first half , scored 52 points, and had an eight point lead….yet in the second half couldn’t buy a three, scored 35 points, and ultimately lost by 14. If they have to rely on shooting almost 70% from behind the arc to beat a good team, than they are in big time trouble.

-Blake Griffin is the best player in the country, but I would really like to see him play against some quality big men. The Big12 is almost void of any decent big men outside of maybe Iowa State’s Craig Brackins or Kansas’s Cole Aldrich. You would have some epic match-ups if you stuck Griffin and Oklahoma in the Big East where he could go against players like Thabeet, Adrien, Georgetown’s Greg Monroe, and Pitt’s DeJuan Blair on a nightly basis. I would also LOVE to see him expose the overrated Mr. Luke Harrangody at Notre Dame.

By the way, I’m calling it right now….the Big 12 will struggle in the NCAA’s. The league is down this year and teams like Kansas, Texas, and Missouri will get over-seeded and loose early.

-Villanova gets the best guard play in the country and no one is talking about them. They handled another guard heavy team the other night then they beat up on Marquette. If Nova gets favorable match-ups and just enough out of Dante Cunningham inside they will make a deep postseason run. I like them A LOT in March. Remember I said that.

-If I had to make the 1-4 seeds right now it would look like this:

1’s: UConn, UNC, Pittsburgh, Oklahoma
2’s: Louisville, Villanova, Duke, UCLA:
3’s: Marquette, Wake Forest, Memphis, Clemson
4’s: Xavier, Florida State, Michigan State, Missouri

A-ROID

2009-02-09T22:31:00.000-06:00

At this point everyone and their mother has gotten a chance to see the Alex Rodriguez interview, so without touching too much on the specifics of what he I want to make a few quick notes:

- Obviously, this was a very well crafted public statement, in which he admitted wrongdoing but nothing too specific so as not further incriminate himself. I know it’s very common for someone in this situation to have an attorney present, however I was little taken aback by the number of times Arod looked over to check with his attorney before answering some of the questions. I know the guy has got a lot to loose, but this spoke volumes to me in terms of insecurity in what he said, and takes away somewhat from the message of sincerity that he was attempting to convey.

- I was also a little shocked by the unintentional vanity. It gave a little insight into the man. Rodriguez answered many of the questions in terms of awards and numbers, and very little about winning and losing. There was a lot of talk about where he was certain years in terms of MVP voting, HR totals, and consecutive games streaks. I believe he feels truly injured and is sincerely sorry for taking steroids, but I think maybe the reason he is so hurt is that it diminishes the value of his most prized possessions: his numbers and his awards. Maybe that’s the reason he seems not to produce in the clutch. If a home run is just one of the 800 or so you are trying to accumulate for your pretty little personal collection, something to polish and put on your impressive mantle, what does it matter if it occurs in the second inning or in extra innings? This might have spoken volumes about the man and his motivations.

-Who would have ever thought that Jose Canseco’s book would be the gospel? Everything that man has said or written about steroids in baseball has been right on the money. He’s batting 1.000 in outing players on steroid use. He has taken on all these guys who have questioned his credibility, questioned his facts, questioned..hell the messenger in general and proven them wrong. Amazing isn’t it? Who would have ever thought the man most responsible for restoring the sanctity of baseball would be the greasy guy from the Surreal Life who fought Danny Bonaduce on pay-per-view? Are we really going to look back forty years from now and be able to say that Jose Canseco is the man most responsible for saving baseball? Unbelievable.

Grammy Review

2009-02-09T15:04:00.000-06:00

Whoa…did you guys feel that? If at any point today you feel the ground rumble a bit underneath you it’s not an earthquake. No, it’s not the result of tectonic plate movements, but rather aftershocks from Katy Perry’s “bouncy” and…uhh…rousing? (get it?) performance from last nights Grammy Awards. Yeah I admit I watched an embarrassingly large chunk of the show last night, and in no small part because CBS dangled that Katy Perry carrot in front of me. Hell, if I really was a horse I probably would have followed that carrot right into the glue factory.

Some other observations from last night’s show:

- I’m not exactly sure when it happened, maybe he was in the studio, maybe he was on stage performing for Obama, or maybe he was on the pot, but at some point in the last year I think Bono had a moment where he totally bought into the fact that he was the lead singer of the biggest rock band in the world. Kind of a, “Holy crap I’m Bono” moment. It turned U2’s opening number last night into a vanity piece; spirited performance to the celebration of Bono and his “quest” to save the world with his mere presence. What was that song choice? I hate it when a band that has so many tunes people like, sniffs a big worldwide audience and they try to plug their “new stuff”. Not even the Stones would have tried to get away with that. Come on, at least give us a taste of “Beautiful Day”, “City of Blinding Lights”, or even “One Love”. Sounded terrible too. Did they even do a sound check? I could swear they didn’t have the mikes turned all the way up. I’m a big U2 fan too, but I’m sorry but that was a D- performance from a first class rock band.

- Coldplay should not win a Grammy for best rock anything…because they don’t play rock music!

-Stock up: Taylor Swift. I’m not exactly a fan of her music, nor did I even knew she existed three months ago, but when I saw her perform acoustic with her guitar and Miley Cyrus on the Grammy’s, I have to admit she had a pretty good voice. I’m also impressed anytime someone can play an instrument and sing at the same time. She has legit musical talent, whereas I had thought previously she was little more than a media creation. Speaking of media created monster…..

-Stock down: Miley Cyrus. I think it was Abraham Lincoln who said, “’Tis better to be silent and thought be a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.” Let me channel my inner Derek Zoolander when I ask, “Earth to Miley, what were you thinking?” If you’re a girl who is a phenomenally popular cash-cow that can’t really sing a lick, you don’t put yourself on-stage in front of the whole world singing acoustic with anyone who is a real singer (Taylor Swift). The contrast was stark. She was totally exposed. I can see why she is so popular with the Disney crowd…her singing voice actually sounds a lot like Mickey Mouse.

It left me wondering if her Dad wasn’t the achy break-y heart guy (can you believe you live in a world where this actually gets your foot in the door anywhere?), how far she would get on American Idol…and what would Simon say about her? I’m curious what you guys think about this, but I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt and say she’d make it to Hollywood, but never make it to the main TV rounds. Just a guess.

One more Miley thought….what’s the ETA on her Michael Phelps moment? Assuming this is inevitable, how far off is her very own “bong-like” camera phone picture followed by the requisite “I’m sorry if I let down my fans blah blah blah” apology. I’m going to go ahead and set the over/under at six months. Let the wagers begin. I’ll go ahead and take the under.

-Is Neil Diamond cool again? I really hope this is the case because “Sweet Caroline” is one of about five non-Journey songs I know all the words to. I really need it as my go-to song for do or die karaoke situations. And yes…I am embarrassed I just wrote that. Seriously though, I was caught in a spot not too long ago where I was forced to sing “Jackson” at a karaoke bar with my buddy’s gf. I had no idea what any of the words were and was a complete mess. I managed to embarrass not only myself, but her at the same time. Some advice for anyone who is caught in the same predicament: It’s a duet. Do not attempt to sing every word that comes up on the screen. It will keep you from singing this line: “You’re goin’to Jackson, you BIG-TALKIN MAN.”

Back to Neil Diamond for a moment….he was great last night. I believe he has had happen to him what happens to a lot of old stars. They’re huge in their prime, and then as they get older, liking any of their songs gets to be pretty lame. Not quite Wayne Newton lame, but in some cases pretty damn close. And then at some point its like someone sprinkles them with “David Hasselhoff dust”…and POOF…they are so lame, they’re almost cool again. I hope Neil Diamond had his ‘Hoff night last night.

You might be laughing at me, but look at some things that used to be lame and are now cool: computers, comic-book movies, Transformers, just to name a few. Neil Diamond could very well be next….and thus elevating me to karaoke-hero status.

It could happen.

Mailbag #3

2009-02-06T14:42:00.000-06:00

“I haven't got a brain... only straw…..but some people without brains do an awful lot of talking don't they?”

The Scarecrow (Wizard of Oz)

Q: What should I do about flowers for Valentines Day? Should I do roses? What color/colors?

-Tim
New York City

DG: From where I’m standing (which is as single as they come…by the way that’s also my disclaimer), it’s all about strategy. You first have to ask yourself: how long am I going to be with this girl? If you are thinking less than a year you only have to worry about one Valentines Day, in which case, what does it matter what kind of flowers you get her? Just don’t be a total putz and show up empty handed.

Now on the other hand, if you’re thinking more than a year, you have to prepare a flower strategy for more than one V-Day. Basically, Valentines Day is a practical joke that women have bought into so whole heartedly that it’s become a real thing. Now men have to “play along” with the joke, and flowers are very important in this charade.

The most important thing to remember is, you are going to be graded on a relative scale….with yourself. So don’t be a moron and be the guy blows it out of the water with 500 roses and the singing chocolates (they exist) in year one, because then in year two you’ll have to out-do yourself. If you don’t the little lady is going to be disappointed, and you’ll be in the doghouse. Be smart and leave yourself room to improve.

Let’s assume you are entering your first V-Day. You have to do roses. I would suggest getting maybe a dozen roses. Not so few that she’ll be disappointed, but not so many that you can’t get more next year. As far as color I would go with a three color assortment. Red is basically the “Cadillac” of rose colors, but if you do all twelve red this year, how do you top it next year? You want some red in there, so I would do: four red, four pink, and four white.

There is one caveat to getting the three color assortment. Say, for instance, that your lady friend’s favorite color is yellow. Then you have to get her all yellow roses.

“But DG what do I do if they don’t grow roses in my gf’s fav color?”

If you’re gf’s favorite color is black…dump her right now and change your phone number. What the hell are you doing dating Goth chicks anyways? If it’s a legit color like, say, blue, get white roses and see if you can’t get someone to dye them blue. Is that even possible? I have no clue, how should I know…. but if it is and you get this done….you’ll be like a Valentines Day MVP. I’m thinking that will be worth it come say very early Feb. 15th….if you know what I’m saying.

Q: DG, is it difficult to keep coming up with stuff to write about. I mean is it really hard?

-Will
Washington D.C.

DG: That’s what she said.

Speaking of The Office, is there a more likeable character on television then Pam Beasley? She’s cute, funny, and so cool it makes you believe she’d be almost be as much fun to hang out with as your guy friends. She’s the best thing that team “red head” has had going for it since….i dunno the invention of hair dye? I kid, I kid…(as if any red heads actually read this silly blog anyways)

I’m pretty sure I’d never want to meet the actress who plays Pam (Jenna Fischer) in person. There is that chance she wouldn’t be as cool as the character Pam. That would totally ruin it for me.

I also think they need to have more Creed on the show. I can’t get enough out of that guy, but maybe that’s just me.

Q: You’re extremely good looking and funny. Also, did you happen to read Sports Illustrated this week? I think SI writer Seth Davis might be a “fan” of your blog.

-Anonymous
DG’s New York City apartment

DG: You’re a sharp and talented guy yourself. As a matter of fact I did catch that article.
It’s very curious that four days after I release my Midseason All-American picks that Seth Davis (a highly-paid college basketball “authority”) would release his, and that they would be exactly the same. Same five guys….must be a coincidence right? Couldn’t be that old Seth is “reading” my blog is it.

Actually, I think quite a few guys would have had the same team. However, it is nice confirmation of my ability to analyze basketball, that a guy like that would have the same observations as me. Would be nice to make the “Seth Davis money” though….oh and Seth if you’re reading this call me.

Broadway Joe

2009-02-05T15:10:00.000-06:00

Brett Favre is the most overrated quarterback playing right now. At one point he was a great quarterback, but he’s 13 year’s removed from winning a Super Bowl, 12 years removed from winning an MVP, and about 10 years removed from really giving a s**t. Honestly. I also love how announcers applaud him for his consecutive games streak. Have you seen him play recently? I think I know how he keeps from getting injured. Any time he feels any sort of pass rush he throws one up for grabs. A lame duck high over the middle of the field. Not many wide receivers play a full season with Favre because he gets those guys killed.

The reason I bring this up is, I was driving around listening to some show on WFAN (NY Sports-talk radio) the other day and some loud-mouthed Jets fan called in talking about ole’ Brett. He was screaming about how Favre was a “punk” and the most overrated QB of all time and this and that. They eventually cut him off. I figured the host (also a Jet fan) would correct this dude and reveal the obvious answer to the long-debated: most overrated quarterback of all time. However, the host agreed it was Favre and then went ahead and took a call about Omar Minaya.

If take away the guarantee, gushing reporters, the pantyhose commercials, the endless line of bimbos, strip off the mink coat, and basically all the glitz, the most overrated QB discussion begins and ends with one name: Joe Namath. I know this is serious taboo to bring it up, but just take a look at the numbers. They’re putrid.

Broadway Joe led the league is passing yards three times (’66,’67,’72) and once led the league in TD passes (’72). However, he led the league in interceptions four times: 1966,1967,1974, 1975 with 27,28,22, and 28 int’s in each of those years respectively. Keep in mind back then they only played 14 regular season games.

The Super Bowl winning year of 1969 was the only year Joe managed to throw more td’s than interceptions in a season (19 TDs vs 17 int’s). Of all of Namath’s bad years, the 1975 season was especially rotten. In only 13 starts, he managed to complete just 48% of his passes, throw 28 interceptions, and be sacked 27 times. If you want to take it even a step further, Namath’s 28 int’s in 326 pass attempts in 1975 amounts to an 8.5% completion percentage…..TO THE OTHER TEAM! The career numbers don’t exactly paint a pretty picture either: 173 TD’s vs. 220 picks and a career completion percentage of 50.1%.

“Yeah but ‘dem numbuhs’ don’t mean nuthin’. Namath was a winna!”

Not exactly. His career record as a starter: 63-63-4.

Based on the fact that Joe Willie was a first ballot Hall of Famer and lauded as one of the all-time greats, despite a mediocre win/loss record and putrid numbers, my list of most overrated QB’s of all-time looks like this:

1) Joe Namath
2) (vacated)
3) Brett Favre
4) everyone else

Namath is by such an overwhelming margin the most overrated QB of all time, that I’ve been forced to vacate the #2 most overrated position.

So when Vinny from Flushing calls up the FAN and tells Mike Francesa that “Favre is a bum. He ain’t no Joe Namath or nuthin’.” He’s right on both counts.

Viiiivvvvvaaaaaaaaaaa Viagra!!!!

2009-02-04T22:31:00.000-06:00

I can’t believe this is happening to me. They say it happens to every guy at some point….but not now. Doesn’t this only happen to old guys? I’m 25 for god’s sake. Am I less of a man then? Don’t you judge me…for all you know this could be you at some point.

I suppose you want the details huh? Ok here goes….it happened the other night…. I was on the couch…and a certain commercial came on. Now I can’t remember exactly which commercial it was, the whole situation was kind of a blur. It was like a dream, but yet I was wide awake. Maybe it was the commercial with the fake Elvis singers (Viivvvvaaa Viagra!!) or maybe the one with the man and woman in separate bathtubs holding hands (maybe it’s just me, but shouldn’t they be in the same tub?) or the old guy doing the tango with his wife. It doesn’t really matter. The calm and unruffled commercial voice bombarded me with side effects like headache, night blindness, and stroke. I didn’t even flinch. I kept staring blank faced at the screen until whatever program I was watching came back on. About a half hour later, when I finally broke from my trance, I realized what had just happened. I had officially been desensitized. I am desensitized to the little blue pill….advertising. What did you think I was talking about?

Next time you’re watching TV for an extended period of time, do me a favor and count up the number of “male enhancement” pill commercials you see I could swear it’s about every third commercial. By the way, “male enhancement” might be my new favorite euphemism. It replaces calling these pills what they really are, which is b______r pills (for those of you who are a little slower, and by that I mean anyone who religiously watches Deal or No Deal, the b word rhymes with donor). The companies that make these are spending tens of millions of dollars a year on TV commercials, radio spots, and billboards. Hell there is already a PGA Tour Event called the Cialis Western Open. Is it completely crazy to think the Mets could open the season at Viagra Field?

I suppose these “donor” pills must be flying off the shelves to pay for this media blitz. My screwy mind leads me down kind of a murky path here....so please bare with me. Now I’m assuming these blue pills didn’t just appear out of thin air…. and they’re a medical product for public consumption right? Someone had to develop it in a lab. That means at some point there was team of doctors, medical researchers, and scientists (you know guys who got like 1500+ on their SAT’s and went to Ivy League Schools for seven years) huddled in some sterile laboratory, wearing long white coats, mixing chemicals, and by enlarge doing typical chemistry “doctor-y” stuff. And to what end? Not to cure cancer or alleviate human suffering in any way…no no it’s a much nobler cause to which they sought a remedy. These brilliant men of medicine and science spent the better part of their professional lives trying to artificially produce an erection. That would be a good one to have on a grave stone huh? Maybe it could read: “Here lies Dr. Green, the man who helped pitched a million tents”.

Now you can’t just come up with these pills, distribute them right to the public and say “have at it Sparky”. You have to test them first. That’s right. At some point a bunch of guys were rounded up, handed a glass of water and a couple of blue pills, and then told to drop ‘em. I can just imagine a dude standing with his pants at his ankles, suffering the “effects”, surrounded by fifteen guys with lab coats and clipboards all scribbling notes. And if you think that’s sick, think about this: they can’t test anything on humans before they test animals first. Yeah.

You can tell a higher than average percentage of those who participated in clinical trials suffered side effects. Just look at the commercials. If a typical “male enhancement” commercial is 30 seconds, the last 20 or so is that unruffled voice-over rattling off a list of horrible side effects with a huge disclaimer on the screen. I alluded to some of these side effects above. However, there are like fifty more, and each is worse than the next! Did a quick Google search and netted these possible side effects. From what I can gather, basically the best side effect you can suffer is a stroke:

Viagra (sildenafil)- side effects: headache, flushing (o really?), impaired vision and loss of peripheral vision, seeing in tinted blue, sudden hearing loss, stroke, severe hypotension, heart attack, ventricular arrhythmias, and priapism

Levitra (vardenafil) – side effects: nausea, abdominal pain, back pain, photosensitivity, abnormal vision, eye pain, facial oedema, rash, itch, hypertension, heart attack, and priapism.

Cialis (tadalafil)- side effects: headache, indigestion, back pain, muscle aches, flushing (seriously can you really call this a SIDE effect?), impaired vision, vascular problems, hypotension, anginal chest pain, sudden hearing loss, and priapism.

As a whole these pills appear to be about as safe as swallowing a live grenade. I wasn’t quite sure what priapism was until I looked it up. You know when the commercial says, “…if erections last for more than 4 hours seek immediate medical attention” that’s priapism. OVER four hours!? Are you freaking kidding me? So if I go to the hospital after say three hours and fifty minutes I'm a hypochondriac? I got news for you if I ever had 4+ hour woody; I’d need a psychiatrist more than anything else, because I would be seriously emotionally scarred.

Wanna know the scariest thing in all this? There is going to be a whole generation that grows up not knowing a world without little blue pills. If you were born in 1940, you’d never know a world without the automobile. If you were born in 1960, you’d never know a world without television. If you were born in 2009, you’d never know a world without.... instant erections? Progress. Nice.

Just trying to wrap my head around that idea made me a little woozy….whoa…kind of light-headed. Feels like all the blood in my body is rushing to my….well…nevermind. Probably just the pills talking.

Super Bowl Postscript

2009-02-02T15:56:00.000-06:00

Few quick notes on the Super Bowl from yesterday:

Almost a psychic…..If you read my previous Friday mailbag you’ll remember that I made a handful of Super Bowl predictions. I correctly predicted that the Steelers would win…which they did. I predicted that James Harrison and Woodley would each cause turnovers….which they did. I even correctly predicted that Kurt Warner would commit exactly two turnovers and Big Ben would have one interception. However, despite getting all of those minor details correct I missed one major one…margin of victory. I thought the Steelers would cover the 7 points….which they did not, and I’m out a few bucks. Thus is gambling. I still think it was a better investment than the stock market.

Madden dropped out after the seventh grade…. John Madden said something that really got to me during yesterday’s broadcast. After receiving the opening kickoff, the Steelers went all the way down the field and Ben Roethlisberger appeared to run the ball into the end zone. After a Cardinal’s challenge, it was determined that he was actually down by contact about a foot short of the end line. Coach Tomlin elected to kick the field goal instead of going for it on fourth down from a foot. Madden agreed with decision and called it “the percentage play”. I HATE IT WHEN ANNOUNCERS SAY THAT!!! They are completely wrong. Kicking a field goal from the one yard line is not the percentage play. Although taking the three points might be “conventional” wisdom, anyone who is has taken math through the eighth grade can attest to the fact that it is not the percentage play. The probability of scoring a touchdown from the one yard line (let alone inside a foot) is about 80-85%. So therefore, you have a have an 80% chance of scoring six points. The extra point is converted about 97% of the time. So some quick math tells me that if the Steelers had gone for it from a foot their expected outcome would have been roughly 5.77 points ( 6(.80) + 1 (.97) = 5.77 ). The expected outcome of attempting a 12 yard field goal is about 2.94 points ( 3 x .98 = 2.94; its about a 98% likelihood of converting a 12 yard field goal). What do all these simple calculations tell me? Despite what the John Madden’s of the world will tell, the real percentage play is going for it from a foot.

Referees should change their colors to black and gold… The fact that my wallet was rooting for the Steelers to win big should make me pretty unbiased when I ask the question: Were the refs throwing yellow penalty flags or were those Terrible Towels?
The most terribly officiated game I have ever seen is still the Super Bowl three years ago, when the refs ran the Seahawks right out of Detroit with penalty flags and blown calls, but the officiating in this Super Bowl was pretty slanted as well. A few glaring plays come to mind.
During the first half Edgerin James was called for a questionable 15 yard “chop-block” penalty on a second down that killed a very promising Cardinals drive. In the second half, when the Cardinals D-fense was poised to get off the field on a third down, Karlos Dansby was whistled for another 15 yard penalty roughing the passer penalty for merely bumping into Roethlisberger as he let the ball go. The back judge said he hit Big Ben late. No way. The two very worst calls were saved for the last few minutes. After Santonio Holmes made a great catch on the go ahead touchdown, he walked to the ten yard line and preceded to do a premeditated and rehearsed celebration with the football (he seemed to have been channeling Lebron James pre-game chalk exercise). This should have resulted in a fifteen yard penalty against the Steelers on the kickoff because any celebration where you use the ball as a prop is suppossed to be beyond individual referee interpretion, and an automatic 15 yard penalty. However, this celebration that was broadcast into the homes of no less that 150 Million people went unnoticed by the refs. The biggest gaff occurred on the very last play when Kurt Warner was ruled to have fumbled. To me it looked like an incomplete pass. It looked with Warner’s arm coming forward. At the very least you need to stop the game to review it. Most important play of the year and they don’t stop the game to take a look at it? What’s worse is the fact that the Steelers were whistled for unsportsmanlike conduct on the play for celebrating. Since this was a dead ball foul, no matter what the result of the review, the Steelers would have been penalized 15 yards. If the play was review and overturned the Cardinals would have had first and 10 from the Steelers 20 yard line and would have been able to run one maybe two more plays. To cover their asses the NFL issued a statement at 2:30 AM in which they claim to have reviewed the play in the booth. 2:30 AM! This was four hours after the end of game! Even if this were the case, than that means they looked at the play for less than 25 seconds since the Steelers snapped the ball with about 20 seconds left to go on the 45 second play clock. By comparison, they stopped the game to review the Holmes go-ahead touchdown for close to five minutes.

The Cardinals faced a pretty daunting task going up against the guys wearing black and gold yesterday. Little did they know they’d also be up against the guys wearing black and white stripes.

What a terrific role model…and hey he’s going to Disney World! Santonio Holmes was named MVP of the Super Bowl and immediately became America’s new darling. This is the same guy who on Tuesday admitted to being a drug dealer as a teenager and this year has been arrested on at least one drug related charge and suspended for a game. Let’s look at a timeline of the rise of Santonio Holmes:

- Born: March 3, 1984
- (1999- 2003): Dealing drugs and occasionally playing football at Belle Grade High School in Florida
-(2003-2005): Played wide out at Ohio State; leaves school after three years and is taken in the first round by the Steelers
-May 27, 2006: Arrested charged for disorderly conduct in Miami Beach
-June 18, 2006: Arrested charged for domestic violence and assault in Columbus, Ohio
-October 23, 2008: Arrested for possession of marijuana (legal and NFL disciplinary charges still pending); suspended for one game by the team
-January 27, 2009 - During Super Bowl media day, freely admits to dealing drugs as a teenager. His motivation?.... to feed a starving family? No. To help his single mother working three jobs pay the bills? No. To get himself some fancy Air Jordans? Bingo.
- February 1, 2009: (about 9:30 PM) Caught four balls on the Steelers final drive Each catch was punctuated with an elongated "look at me" celebration with the ball (preventing its immediate spotting by the referees) while the Steelers were trying to run their hurry-up offense.
(about 9:35 PM) Makes spectacular go ahead touchdown catch, and then makes one of the most selfish plays in Super Bowl history by celebrating with the football which he knows is an automatic 15 yard penalty. However, he is bailed out by the refs when they swallow their whistles.
(about 10:30 PM) Named MVP of the Super Bowl and sets record for using the pronoun “I” in the acceptance speech.
-February 4, 2009 - Will ride the float at Disney World with Mickey and Minny waiving to the little kids at Disney.

What a role model.

College Basketball Mid Season Report

2009-02-01T08:27:00.000-06:00

Few quick thoughts on college basketball half way thru the season:

The most complete team in the country right now is…PITTSBURGH. UNC and UConn might have the most potential, and Wake might be the most athletic, but the team most ready to win six games in March run right now is Coach Jamie Dixon’s squad. They play terrific team defense, don’t turn the ball over late in games, and have a deep and stable rotation. In addition they have the three components most great teams have: a low post banger in DeJuan Blair, a reliable scorer in Sam Young, and most important a veteran point guard in Levance Fields. Pitt will also benefit from being battle tested week in and week out in a tough and deep Big East.

Team that will disappoint in the post season is….DUKE. Look for them to be watching the Final Four from their Durham dorm rooms again this year. Don’t get me wrong they will win a ton of regular season games, get a high NCAA tourney seed, and maybe even split the season series with Carolina, but without any semblance of an inside game they hardly have the makings of a team that will make a deep postseason run. Duke relies far too heavily on perimeter players and their 3 point shooting. They struggle anytime they don’t shoot the three-ball well or if they play a team with size.

The most frustrating team to follow will be…. WAKE FOREST. Blessed with a roster that includes four player 6’11 or taller, probable All-ACC players Jeff Teague and James Johnson, and a future lottery pick in forward in Al-Farouq Aminu, the Demon Deacons have the talent to beat any team in the country (see wins this year over UNC and Duke). However, on the flip side they are also a very young and inexperienced team that can loose to teams they shouldn’t, as evidenced by losses to Virginia Tech and a putrid Georgia Tech team. They have problems closing out games which can be attributed to youth and inexperience on the roster and on the sideline. It’s unpopular to say, but I think Dino Gaudio may have become the head coach of a big time program a few years before he was ready. This is a team that will make some noise this year, but more than likely is a year away from hoisting any hardware.

Whatever happened to….OREGON. This team which has been a perennial contender in the PAC 10 over the last decade, sent half a dozen players to the NBA, and has more money than most medium-sized countries (on account of their close associations with Nike and Phil Knight), has gone completely in the toilet this year. Coming off an Elite Eight run in 2007 and a #9 seed a year ago, they currently stand at 6-14 overall and 0-8 in the PAC 10. Even more embarrassing than Joey Harrington on the guitar, they’ve lost home games this year to Oakland, Portland, and a “neutral” court game to San Diego at the Rose Garden. Don’t look now Duck’s fans but the Oregon State Beavers, coached by President Obama’s brother-in-law Craig Robinson, are now a better basketball team. Coach Ernie Kent better get his resume ready.

Also whatever happened to…..CALLING A TRAVEL! It has long been the standard in the NBA that the ref’s swallow their whistles with regards to traveling, but now it’s starting to seep into college basketball. Next time you catch a game, go ahead and watch the player’s feet. Every player that catches a pass, comes to a jump-stop, pump fakes, or uses a pivot foot has “happy feet”. Across the board they all shuffle their feet. In addition, every player’s drive to the basket or post move includes more than the allotted two steps. One hundred percent of all a spin moves should be whistled. Go ahead and try it. Try to spin all the way around while moving and take only two steps. It’s impossible. I was watching Carolina last week and I’m pretty sure Tyler Hansbrough used this up and under post move and took AT LEAST four full steps without ever dribbling.

Don’t be surprised if…Bobby Knight takes over one of the two jobs that just opened up in the SEC (Alabama and Georgia) next year. He’s been keeping his finger on the pulse by doing analyst work for ESPN the past two seasons, plus he is not afraid to coach basketball at a football school (as at Texas Tech 2001-2008). Another possibility might be the University of Maryland if Gary Williams is let go or retires following this season. Despite his antics and personal failings “The General” can and will maximize the talent he’s given and win a ton of games.

Keep you’re eye on…. Keiton Page. VERY generously listed at 5’10 and 165 pounds, and looking like far more like the team manager than a basketball player for a big time program, this true freshman guard for Oklahoma State is hustle personified. Possessing little to no athletic ability, Page has used an out of this world motor and tremendous basketball IQ to average 10.5 points a game in only 24 minutes per. He is a kid among men on the court, but is really fun to watch. If you get a chance to see him play I guarantee you’ll enjoy it. It will also be interesting to see how he does next year, when point guard Byron Eaton graduates, and he gets the lion’s share of the minutes.

MIDSEASON AWARDS:

Player of the Year: Blake Griffin (OKLAHOMA)

First Team All-American: Blake Griffin (OKLAHOMA)
Tyler Hansbrough (UNC)
Stephen Curry (DAVIDSON)
Jeff Teague (WAKE)
James Harden (ARIZONA STATE)

Freshman of the Year: Samardo Samuels (LOUISVILLE)

Most underrated player: James Harden (ARIZONA STATE)

Most valuable player: Ty Lawson (UNC)

Tim Tebow Award
(most over-hyped player): Tyler Hansborough (UNC)

Coach of the Year: Mike Montgomery (CAL)

Coach most resembling mascot: Coach K and the Blue Devil

Most overachieving team: Butler
Most underachieving team: Notre Dame/Gonzaga

Two teams I would not like to play come March: Louisville and Marquette

Please get a room: Dick Vitale and the Cameron Crazies

Weekly Questions from the Mailbag

2009-01-29T21:07:00.000-06:00

“I’m not dumb. I just have command of thoroughly useless information.”
Bill Watterson (1958)

A good quote is worth a thousand words. With that…..I answer your weekly mailbag questions:

Q: Have you seen the latest Jessica Simpson pictures?

-Lindsay
Denver, CO

DG: Yes, I have seen them. For anyone reading this who doesn’t know the pictures in question, go ahead and google “Jessica Simpson fat pictures” right now. Its ok I’ll wait…waiting…..waiting… waiting...done yet? Good. I’m sure only about 10 Million websites popped up. Apparently, Mrs. Tony Romo has packed on some SIGNIFICANT pounds over the last few months. This was revealed when photos of a recent public appearance earlier in the week-at a chili cook off no less- were posted on the internet.
Originally, I didn’t want to rail against her weight because:
1) She could be pregnant
2) It stinks for a person in the public eye because if you’re committed to a public appearance you have to go no matter what. I mean if it were me and I had put on 30 bad pounds, I wouldn’t want people snapping pictures, putting them on the internet, and then bashing me. Unfortunately, this happens to her because she’s a public figure. I suppose to a certain extent that’s not fair
3) It may be totally out of her control. I’m guessing the weight gain stems from the unavoidable food gorging brought on by a major trauma. In this case: distress over the Cowboys lost season.
4) It is serious bad karma. I feel like if I were to bash her and say something...i dunno like “Sure looks like she ate everything but her Daisy Dukes’!” I'm sure the universe would turn around and hit me back twice as hard. It would probably do something horrible to me like have the Giants inexplicably sign Terrell Owens to replace Plax. Yikes…cold chill just went down my spine.

I still would not have mentioned any of this except, after the pictures surfaced, she made like the President of the United States and issued a public statement. It basically said something to the effect of: “I love my body… I love the way I look”. That’s fine I have no problem with that. However, I’ve noticed more than a few celebrities that have been caught looking a little hefty have issued similar statements…immediatley followed by “make me skinny fast” crash diets probably coupled with diuretics and liposuction. Three weeks later, and 30 pounds lighter, they show up on the cover of some women’s mag wearing novelty fat pants, with the waist pulled all the way out, screaming to the world “How do you like me now!” And yes I’m looking directly at you Jennifer Love Hewitt and Britney Spears. So I’ll be watching this one very closely to see how much Jessica Simpson really “loves the way she looks” heavier and doesn’t go about losing weight fast. Either way I’m hoping the story has a happy ending, and Tony Romo shows up to training camp like 350 pounds. One can only hope.

Daily backhanded Dallas Cowboy bashing….CHECK!

Q: What is the best sandwich place in New York?

-Matt S.
Long Island City, NY

DG: Let me start by saying as a whole New York City has the best deli’s in the world. As long as you stay away from the chain sandwich places like Subway or Quizno’s, and don’t order some sort of weird concoction it’s almost impossible to get a bad hoagie in the city. However, based on my non-expert opinion I would say the award for the best sandwich place in the city goes to..... Katz’s Deli. You might remember it from the scene in When Harry Met Sally where Meg Ryan shows Billy Crystal how she fakes it (classic scene for Meg but doesn’t hardly make up for her unfortunate turn in Top Gun). They have the greatest pastrami sandwiches in the world. How good? I don’t even eat pastrami and had it there and it was the greatest sandwich I’ve ever eaten. Katz’s is located on the corner of Hudson and Ludlow on the Lower East side, and is really the only good reason to go to the Lower East side unless you live there or you’re trying to score some cra-….never mind. Advice if you do go down there: 1) Bring a partner. The sandwiches are ginormous 2) Get a potato knish to go with the pastrami. Without question the greatest use of a potato since the invention of vodka.

Greatest sandwich place you have never heard of: Pane Pepe
This little gem is located on Greenwich Street in Tribeca right across the street from Stuyvesant High School. When I worked in that area, I used to eat there twice a week for lunch. Always the highlight of that given day. They have a stable of killer sandwiches named after parts of the city on their menu. However, if you do happen to go there might I suggest going off the board. Try this: grilled chicken on a long club roll, mozzarella cheese, sun-dried tomatoes, and here’s the coup de gras....you ask the guy behind the counter to add a scoop of marinara. Sounds a little whacky, but I guarantee you that sandwich will make you howl like Meg Ryan…. but for real.

Q: What’s your Super Bowl Prediction?

-Matt
Poughkeepsie, NY

DG: Steelers (-7): Steelers 24 Cardinals 13
This was really a tough game to pick. Last year was much easier because I’m a big Giants fan and they were getting like 11 or 12 points. A truly terrible line. If you look at this year’s match-up on paper, I think a seven point spread is pretty fair. I’d really like to see the Card’s pull an upset, but if I had to put money on it (and I am) I think I’d lean the other way. I think the difference is going to be Arizona’s inability to account for the Steelers free blitzers. The Steelers use a base 3-4 defense, with three down linemen and four linebackers. They occupy blockers with the defensive lineman and attempt to pressure the quarterback largely with linebackers coming off the edge and safety blitzes up the middle. I have to imagine James Harrison, Lamar Woodley, and Polamalu will create a few turnovers. I’m also thinking Warner will turn it over at least twice Therefore, if Big Ben can keep it to one horrible interception he’ll give his team a good chance to win. I think I read a stat somewhere that the team that wins the turnover battle wins like 73% of the games. Based on that, I’m taking the Steelers giving the seven points.

Don’t Call it a Comeback

2009-01-28T12:48:00.000-06:00

I love boxing. Apart from maybe track and field, boxing is the purest of all forms of athletic competition. Two men stand toe to toe using nothing but their hands in combat. There are no helmets, no pads, no bats, no balls, no baskets, no goals, no teammates, no halftime shows, no ice, and no mascots. Just two men out on an island. Boxing tests a man’s stamina, physical strength, mental fortitude, and courage, while both examining and revealing character three minutes at a time.

That being said I might be one of the last real boxing fans out there. As MMA and other forms of cage fighting have gained popularity over the past ten years or so, there seems to be increasingly less and less attention paid to the “sweet science”. This is nothing new to boxing. It seems as long as I can remember people have written it off as a dying sport, popularity waning with each corrupt promoter, each disappointing pay-per-view bout, and each Mike Tyson ear chomp. However, with that being said I come not to bury boxing but to praise it. I believe that the sport, so long on life support, might be on the cusp of a revival of sorts though not in the form most people remember.

There was a time in this country where boxing was most likely the second most popular sport. Before there was an NBA or NFL, baseball was America’s pastime and boxing its guilty pleasure. The heavyweight champion of the day was most recognizable, most revered, and highest paid figure in all of sports. These were names like Jack Johnson, Jack Dempsey, Joe Louis, Rocky Marciano, and Muhammad Ali. Somewhere along the way things changed. As professional football and basketball grew in popularity, the NBA and NFL turned into big time businesses with licenses to print money. This changed the landscape of the heavyweight division in America because now if you were a big athletic guy you would gravitate towards playing tight end or power forward and didn’t have to spend your whole life getting whacked in the head to make a buck. Talented heavyweight fighters became more and more scarce, fights became less and less interesting, and the heavyweight division faded into that goodnight.

While the heavyweight division still lies largely dormant, the renaissance of sorts in boxing that I had previously spoken of is occurring in the lighter weight divisions. Right now there are half a dozen or so potential hall of fame fighters in there prime in the junior welterweight (140 pound limit) and welterweight (147 pound limit) divisions. These are names like Manny Pacquiao, Floyd Mayweather, Ricky Hatton, Miguel Cotto, Shane Mosley, Antonio Margarito, Paul Williams, and an up and coming Andre Berto to name a few. Among these names alone you will have four or five blockbuster bouts in 2009 (in fact as I write this a bout between Pacquiao and Hatton is being finalized for May; with the winner likely getting a chance to fight Mayweather latter in the year). I don’t use the word blockbuster lightly either. Welterweight bouts tend to be much more dynamic than bouts at heavier weights with more punches, more action, and less clenching.

Don’t get me wrong even with an exciting division boxing as a whole is not without its problems. There is no reliable scoring system. Many of the bouts are decided by three ringside judges whose scores are blind throughout the entire fight and only revealed afterwards. There are too many belts. Without one true governing body boxing has a number of different associations each with its own sanctioned belts and each with different champions. Boxing is perceived to be corrupt to a certain extent at many levels, whether it be promoters, judges, referees, or the fighters themselves. At times this has seemed to warrant merit while other times not. Oh yeah and they need to reduce the price of price of pay-per-view fights. At $50 a pop they are too expensive to order for the fringe fan. Why is that if you order movie it cost three dollars while a fight of the same length costs 15 times more ?

Despite all that I’m excited about the potential match-ups that can be made in 2009, and hopeful that we get to see a few great fights. There is nothing more exciting than a big event and this year boxing will have plenty of those. If you’ve never been a big fan of boxing this is a year to get into it. I’ll bet you’ll get sucked in.

TV Temperature Check

2009-01-28T07:58:00.000-06:00

Top 5 BEST shows people AREN'T watching:

1) Friday Light Lights (NBC)
2) 30 Rock (NBC)
3) Mad Men (AMC)
4) Scrubs (ABC)
5) The Soup (E!)

Most Underrated: The Soup (E!)
On life support: Friday Night Lights (NBC)
Already dead: Dirty Sexy Money (ABC)

Top 5 WORST Shows people ARE watching:

1) Hole in the Wall (FOX)
2) Rock of Love (VH1) 2a) Bromance (MTV)
3) Deal or No Deal (NBC)
4) Biggest Loser (NBC)
5) The City (MTV)

Most Overrated: The City (MTV)
Most Embarrassing: Bromance (MTV)
Are you kidding me..really? : Hole in the Wall (FOX)
Won't seem to go away: anything with Bret Michaels

Wheel Spinning

2009-01-26T23:29:00.000-06:00

If you’ve watched the evening news or a weekly new magazine over the course of the last few years you might have noticed at least once in every broadcast they have a story about people’s health. If you breakdown a typical evening new broadcast this segment usually airs second. For example a skeleton of a NBC, ABC, or CBS Evening News might look something like this:

Segment I - Political story previously with anti-Bush slant

Commercial Break I – uninterrupted string of male enhancement pill commercials (i.e. Viagra, Cialis, etc)

Segment II – Story to scare you to death about your health based on a preposterous correlation study or experiment which nets a simple answer like “Drugs are bad”.

Commercial Break II- more male enhancement pill commercials occasionally broken up with a commercial for a cholesterol reducing pharmaceutical or my personal favorite Flomax, a product that I believe makes it easier for old guys to take a leak, with a commercial that has two Jack Lemmon look-a-likes all laughs and smiles toasting water bottles in celebration while driving thru the desert

Segment III- A puff piece personal interest story intended to make all the women in the room collectively go, “Awww…”. These type of stories tend to feature babies, puppies, and small animals.

Obviously there is a need to talk about all the pharmaceutical drug commercials (rest assured there is definitely enough for a future entry) but it’s that segment two I want to focus on for right now. I understand there are a number of reasons why the news departments run health related stories like this. For one baby boomers, the largest sect of the population, is slowly getting to the age where are very concerned about health, aging, and wellbeing. Also, because of the modern media, with constant live internet updates, these taped segments have become vital because airing the news of the day would be rout with redundancy. That’s all fine. But there isn’t a huge medical breakthrough every night! There aren’t enough major medical revelations to account for a daily segment. I’m no expert but a lot of this research doesn’t really seem designed to find out anything new, to break barriers in medical research, but rather to prove what previous studies (and common sense for that matter) already point to. For instance I was watching 60 Minutes the other night and they had some piece on about the health benefits of different types of living. They interviewed a half a dozen different doctors and researchers from two or three different independent studies. One of the groups studied mice, another human beings, and another studied a group of chimps over 27 years! Brilliant doctors and researchers spent millions upon millions of dollars on these studies. They set up space age looking high tech sterile labs where they could control all unmeasured variables. They spent countless hours in the lab monitoring the most minute differences and details. Killed god knows how many little mice and chimps. Do you what the conclusion of all this time and money spent was: obesity is most likely riskier to your health than being fit. Or even simpler obesity = bad. Hallelujah! Am I taking crazy pills here? Isn’t this common sense? Then I got thinking about the doctors themselves. These are brilliant men. They were most likely top of their Ivy League graduation classes, top of their medical schools, and now are highly regarded medical researchers and scientists. They should be out solving more complex problems than this. Instead they’re killing a boatload of mice with donuts. Fabulous. One of the last scenes they showed was this one doctor observing and taking notes on this chubby little mouse running on a tiny treadmill. I was left wondering which one of them is really spinning his wheels?

Questions from the Mailbag

2009-01-23T20:25:00.000-06:00

To say that I have “fans” would be a total misuse of the term. That would be akin to saying that people throwing peanuts at a chimp at the zoo are “fans” of the chimp. That being said some of my "fans" have been emailing me questions over the past couple of days so I feel like I should get to answering them:

Question: Is Hilary Swank hot?

-Kevin
New York, NY

DG: I’m a huge fan of The Office and I did happen to catch the episode the other night (Anyone surprised? Guy with a blog and no girlfriend home on a Thursday night watching tv). I’m actually very glad this came up and that people are discussing this around the country today. For year’s now I’ve been having this argument with people and there is a very definitive answer here. Hilary Swank is not hot. Typically, if someone tries to argue that an actress is not hot they are crazy. The point being that people on television and movies get those parts largely because: they are better looking than regular people. There are a few notable exceptions with Julia Stiles and Julia Roberts being the first two names that pop into my head. You might therefore be saying to yourself “Hilary Swank is in movies….and she isn’t Julia Stiles or Julia Roberts. So isn’t she hot?” By that definition the answer usually would be ‘yes’. However, in this special case there is damning evidence that trumps any argument to Hilary Swank’s hotness. In Boys Don't Cry she played a man. Not only that, but she played a dude so well… to such critical acclaim… that she was given an Academy Award. Couple of other people who won Academy Awards for playing dudes…Marlon Brando, Jack Nicholson, Sean Penn, Al Pacino, etc. If Hilary Swank looked like Charlize Theron MAYBE she could play a man and still be considered hot. But she doesn’t and she isn’t. Case closed.

Q: Are you serious with this blog thing?

-Carter
Nashville, Tennessee

DG: Excellent question Carter. Serious is a tough word for me. Not sure I’ve ever really been. It’s probably a question of maturity. Although I’m 25 years old, in many cases I have the maturity of preschooler. For instance, if I were to tell you less than half of my weekly DVR recordings are cartoons I would actually have to count to make sure that were true. However, there are days when I wake up and I feel like I might be maturing. When this happens I have a little litmus test that I give myself to make sure. I try to use the word “macho” in a sentence during a normal conversation. It sounds stupid but, seriously, if you can slip a “macho” into a conversation with a straight face you must be a full fledged adult. Never works for me. I laugh out loud every time. It might be impossible or it might be that I am pushing the envelope too far by using it like: “Watched Top Gun again last night….movie never gets old. That Tom Cruise is just so damn macho!” Who knows.

Q: I cannot stand watching NFL playoffs without the Jets or Giants still alive. Give me some something to look forward to. What are they going to do in the draft?

-Rich
Charlottesville, VA

DG: I’m actually going to address this topic in a First Round Mock Draft in the near future. I haven’t yet decided if I’m going to do it very soon or wait for the NFL Combine. What I might actually do is one before the combine and then do a revised one closer to the actual draft. We’ll see. To answer the specific question I have some educated guesses as to what the Jets and Giants will do. The two teams are picking 17th and 29th respectively in the first round so whom they pick will be contingent on what players are still on the board when their picks come up (also either team could trade up or down from where they are slotted to pick). For the Jets, I believe they are going to try to target a defensive back. They just hired Rex Ryan, a defensive guru, who almost certainly use this pick on a defensive player. I don’t think they will be drafting a quarterback because Matt Stafford from Georgia and USC’s Mark Sanchez will be long gone by pick 17 and no other quarterback in the draft will warrant a first round selection. Moreover, the Jets carried four quarterback on their roster last year: Brett “Look at me” Favre, Kellen Clemens (a former second round pick), Bret Ratliff, and Erik Ainge. The only reason to take a signal caller would be to draft a first round franchise guy, which won’t be available to them here. I think the Jets would be smart to take a guy like Vontae Davis, out of Illinois. He is pretty tall for a corner, at 6 feet, and a terrific athlete who will probably run somewhere in the 4.35 – 4.4 range in the forty. He’s a little raw but has a chance to develop into a complete corner. That would be a pretty lethal combination with Darrell Revis, who appears to be turning into one of the better defensive backs in the league, on the other side. An outside linebacker/defensive end hybrid to rush the passer out of the Jets 3-4 base could also be a consideration given how disappointing 2008 first round pick Vernon Gholston turned out to be. I think Everette Brown out of Florida State would be a nice value if the Jets were to go that way. As far as the Giants, a lot of their draft strategy hinges on the whether or not ole’ Plax goes to the big house or not. If he does they will need a big red zone target to replace him. They would love to get Michael Crabtree, but he’ll be gone within the first 5 picks (most likely to Seattle at pick 4). A creative option might be to choose a tall athletic tight end to replace Burress. I like Jared Cook the 6’5” 240 pound WR/TE hybrid out South Carolina, however I think he will be available in the second or third round and would be a reach at pick 29 of the first round. I think a far more glaring need for the G-Men is at middle linebacker. Where Plaxico Burress is shooting himself out of the league Antonio Pierce is EATING himself out of the league. Listed at 238 pounds, but probably more in the 260-270 range, Pierce looked heavy and out of shape all season. When he wasn’t hiding ballistic evidence for his boy Plax, Pierce spent the majority of 2008 out of breath running 10 yards behind the other teams running backs and tight ends in coverage. The Giants will almost certainly have to draft his replacement. Assuming Rey Maualuga and Wake’s Aaron Curry are gone by this point in the first round, I think three players the Giants will target are USC’s Brian Cushing,Virginia’s Clint Sintim, or Ohio State’s James Lauranitis. Personally, I would like to see either Cushing or Sintim because they both have the versatility to slide over and also play outside linebacker and situational rush end. Lauranitis would strictly be a middle backer lacking the size to play outside and rush the passer.

Q: You’re an idiot.

-My brother

DG: Duly noted and seconded.

Please keep sending your questions along people.

Say It Ain't So Derek (PART II)

2009-01-22T01:59:00.000-06:00

5) Minka Kelly
Highlights: The beautiful but inwardly tormented Lyla Garrity on Friday Night Lights, the best show on tv
Lowlights: Really no other work to speak of

Verdict: Tough to believe she doesn’t get better acting gigs. I have to believe after her FNL run this extra Jeter publicity will help her get big time movie gigs. That or she’ll just live off his $18.5MM a year contract.

4) Jessica Biel
Highlights: Out of this world body and maybe The Illusionist
Lowlights: Stealth and Summer Catch

Verdict: She might actually be a little TOO ripped. Girls with major abs intimidate me

3) Jessica Alba
Highlights: The scene in the leather getup in Sin City
Lowlights: A veritable Who’s Who’s list of dry heave inducing flicks. Take your pick: The Love Guru, The Eye, Honey, Into the Blue . Then married a guy named Cash…..CASH. Yeah

Verdict: Basically her ridiculous hotness largely makes up for making awful movies.

2) Scarlett Johansson
Highlights: You’ve seen her defy gravity in low cut dresses at the Oscars haven’t you? If not do yourself a favor
Lowlights: Is so against eating disorders she threatens to eat her way out of Hollywood to prove a point

Verdict: This blond bombshell has got legit acting chops, and may one day win an Academy Award. Probably the only girl on here you can say that for. Usually, I would put her number 1 on any list but unfortunately she is up against a freak of nature in this case

1) Adrianna Lima
Highlights: Is Adrianna Lima.
Lowlights: Where could I even begin?

Verdict: Need I say more?

Say It Ain't So Derek (PART I)

2009-01-21T23:23:00.000-06:00

The past few days rumors have been swirling that Derek Jeter might be engaged to his girl of the moment, the gorgeous actress Minka Kelly. Although I am an unabashed fan of Ms. Kelly’s show Friday Night Lights (an by unabashed I mean that you would be hard pressed to find a human being I love more than that show- sorry mama), I cannot help but shed a tear over the possible end to one of the greatest “bachelor-hoods” of all time. As a ballplayer, Jeter is more than likely a surefire first ballot hall of famer, but his scorecard with the ladies might be unmatched.

Minka Kelly is uber uber hot don’t get me wrong, but this sobering engagement news also got me to thinking… did DJ get top dollar for his stock? Might he have cashed out with a woman that was not even the best he has seen so far?

With that question posed, I present to you the list of Derek Jeter’s top 10 girlfriends:

10) Mariah Carey
Highlights: Worldwide pop sensation. First artist to have her first five singles top the Billboard Hot 100 Chart.
Lowlights: The movie Glitter and a slew of weird disturbing public mental breakdowns due to “exhaustion”. I’m not saying drugs…but I’m thinking it REALLY hard.

Verdict: The whacky public displays remind me too much of a Red Sox fan, as does the crappy movie. And yes I mean Fever Pitch

9) Jordana Brewster
Highlights: The Fast and the Furious
Lowlights: Married a dude who was a producer on the Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning

Verdict: So let me get this straight. She was going out with the shortstop for the New York Yankees and ended up with a behind the scenes guy from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre prequel that did like 8 bucks at the box office? Ouch

8) Lara Dutta
Highlights: Miss Universe in 2000
Lowlights: Has not been able to parlay that into any decent films outside of India

Verdict: Tough to knock a woman who was basically named hottest woman in the universe, but that was in 2000 and this is a “what have you done for me lately” world. The fact that a Miss Universe cannot crack the top 7 shows you the strength of this list people

7) Gabrielle Union
Highlights: Kicking Kirsten Dunst’s scrawny butt in Bring it On
Lowlights: For some reason or another did an Eddie Murphy movie not called Beverly Hills Cop or Trading Places

Verdict: Seriously how does Eddie Murphy still get work?

6) Vanessa Minillio
Highlights: 1998 Miss Teen USA
Lowlights: Was in a Nick Lachey music video

Verdict: Extremely hot but this is a tough list to crack the top five on

INAUGURATION

2009-01-20T14:31:00.000-06:00

It’s hard to say for certain but I believe we’re living in a historic time. I would be remiss if I didn’t put pen to paper to record a few thoughts.

I should, however, preface anything I might offer up by saying that I did not vote in this year’s Presidential election. I did not involve myself in the process. I could not argue with anyone who would suggest that any political complaint I have isn’t worth the full 100 cents on the dollar since I did not since exercise my right to vote. That being said at the present time I don’t have a complaint, in fact far from it. I’m still an American and it is my right to have an opinion so I’ll have one.

Had I cast a vote it most certainly would have been for John McCain. I would not have voted for Barack Obama. It’s probable that if I had the opportunity to cast that vote today, like I should have three months ago, that I would still go for McCain. I have always supported conservative political ideals. Sometimes I think maybe I’m a crotchety 90 year old man in a 25 year old body. In hindsight it’s probable that a year from now, or three, or ten that I would still have cast a vote for McCain. But just maybe I wouldn’t.

To me in this past campaign McCain represented the known and Obama the unknown. He wasn’t easy to pin down. Maybe more for political strategy than anything else Obama didn’t offer up much in the way of specific policy ideas. As much as I could not get behind him in the days and months leading up to the election, I’ve seen something since November that I can hardly believe. I have seen genuine enthusiasm from the masses.

I would consider myself more cynical than most and I didn’t believe this sort of passion could exist in the way that I’ve seen it. Sure I’ve seen people excited about the Super Bowl and tickle me Elmo’s and American Idol and Brangelina, but I’ve never seen so much general enthusiasm for, as corny as it sounds, for America. People are excited about the potential for moving in the right direction. Who would I be to scoff at that?

Sure maybe some of this passion has something to do with the liberally inclined media getting behind a Democratic victor flocked by his attention hungry celebrity supporters. Probably also has some to do with the ouster of George W. Bush and his paltry approval rating. I think, however, behind it some genuine sentiment.

I watched on television today as people numbers in the millions showed up in Washington to an event with ticket admittance numbered in the thousands. They just wanted to be in the place where it was happening, to someday tell people they were there when.

My opinion has always been that the Chief Executive should be a prudent practitioner heavy on tax cuts and conservative policy before being a pied-piper able to rally the people. Maybe I’m wrong this time. Hell, I hope I’m wrong. In an instance where the economy and job market and overall prospects are so dim, maybe you need someone to tell you things will be better before they can be. It gives people hope. At the end of the day maybe that’s that most important thing.

It’s impossible to forecast where this is going and be able to say now or ever what ideology or doctrine is correct; who should lead and how. At the very least I do believe we are living in a historic time and I am curious to see where this is going, whether I be right or wrong.

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT

2009-01-19T14:08:00.000-06:00

I have always been fascinated by what certain networks put up against big time television events. For example what does CBS put on against the World Series airing on the FOX network. I suppose there is some strategy to it. As a big time network television exec, what do you put up against a behemoth of television event by a rival network? Do you a) put on a highly rated program of your own to combat the effect of the ratings vacuum b) put on an alternative type of program to collect a totally different demographic or c) throw up a white flag and completely surrender by putting on the most god awful crap you can find because no one will be watching anyways.

In many instances those in charge of programming choose the latter and I must say I LOVE the choice. This ideology has given me the privilege over the years, of bearing witness to some of the most gloriously terrible programming in history: Rocky V, various grainy quality Steven Segal movies circa 1984, a film about giant bunnies that terrorize the southwest (adapted from the book “The Year of the Angry Rabbit”…you just can’t make this stuff up people), a three hour infomercial about a knife that can cut thru steel toed boots, and did I mention Rocky V?
These all rank as 10 out of 10 on my scale of unintentional comedy. I was quite comfortable with my scale until this past weekend. And although I can barely stand to disrupt the sanctity of 1-10 ratings system let me channel Spinal Tap, when I say I may have found a program that “goes to 11”.

Ladies and Gentleman, without any further ado I present to you the “ Progressive presents Skating & Gymnastics Spectacular”. This little nugget aired from 4-6pm Sunday afternoon on NBC opposite the NFC and AFC Championship on FOX and CBS respectively. Although a written description does it little justice, let me paint a picture if I can. During the opening sequence the center portion of a very darkly lit arena is illuminated to reveal various gymnastics apparatus scattered across the ice in a minor league hockey arena in the hotbed of cosmopolitan culture, Rapid City, SD. Next, as two male figure skaters clad in onion hugging pink pastel body suits begin a routine, Olympic Champions Nastia Lukin and an offseason (I hope) 400 lb William “The Refrigerator” Perr- I mean Shawn Johnson pirouette and pose around the various gymnastics apparatus. The male skaters move towards them and inexplicably they pick Lukin up and carry/parade her around for one lap around the ice, while being very careful not to get close to the rings or uneven bars on which other gymnasts have begun routines. After one laugh…I mean lap Lukin is handed off to the other male skater who in turn goes for another lap. Brilliant stuff. Mind you this is the opening three minutes of a 2 hour program.

Now I was wondering what I’m sure you are currently wondering, “Who in the hell would go to this stupid thing?” The answer: basically no one. During the first pan out you realize that the roughly 2000 seat arena is about 75% empty. The persistent and defining cheers are not of adoring fans but rather a piped in cheer track over the arena’s loud speaker. Those who are in attendance sit expressionless and silent, more as if they are attending a body exhumation than something adorned with the hyperbolic title of “spectacular”.

The broadcast team for the “Progressive presents Skating & Gymnastics Spectacular” is later revealed to be none other than real life husband and wife pair, and Olympic Gold Medalists themselves, Bart Conner and Nadia Comaneci. It is not however revealed whether they were the brainchild for this Frankenstein-like abomination of a show.

I’m wondering if you would get as many kids training there whole lives to reach the pinnacle of there respective sports, to be Olympic Champion in figure skating or gymnastics, if they knew it would allow them a place in a two hour dog and pony show taping in South Dakota two days before Christmas. Just a thought.

It was about 5 minutes before I switched back to the football and I didn’t catch the last hour and 55 minutes of the show. I really wish I had had the foresight to Tivo the rest of the show. If you have the means I highly recommend watching a bit of this you’ll be better for it.

The View From My Couch

2009-01-18T15:00:00.000-06:00

(Open letter to anyone who reads this):

Dear All,

I want to start with an apology. I'm sorry for creating a blog. I'm sorry for investing time in a vehicle in which I will periodically present my opinions on any number of topics whether it be sports, music, tv, movies, books, politics, or whatever really strikes my fancy.

Blogging (is that even a real term by now?) is about the lamest thing you can do with your free time. I would go so far as to say dressing up like an 8-foot Chewbacca and going to a Star Wars convention is far more constructive. At least in that instance you have some human interaction. As it stands right now I am doing little more than sitting on my couch (presumably with pants on, although it really depends on my wash cycle) throwing barbs or offering up opinions people probably could care less about.

With that being said. I can hardly blame myself. It's not my fault. It's a cultural thing really. The 21st century is about the "Culture of Me". People just cannot get enough of themselves with blogs and personal websites and My Space and Facebook and stupid reality tv and whatever else. The status update on Facebook is something that really gets me. I just want to tell people "The number of people that care that you're 'chillin like a villain in your apart-eezy' can easily be counted on Jim Abbott's right hand."

I fully understand the fact that I'm writing a blog is ridiculous and I hope you accept my most sincere and humble apologies. I also hope you might get a chuckle out of anything I write or perhaps I might even arouse some deep and meaingful feeling within you....or hopefully just the former. At the very least I'll be putting down some good ideas for my book. I figure everyone eventually writes a book about themselves in the "Culture of Me" right? Enjoy.

-DG